Wednesday, May 18, 2011
The "A" Word
Which brings us to saying the "a" word a lot more than usual, and discussing the "a" word a lot more than usual.
(Hint: the "a" word is not a swear word.)
A is for Adoption.
But A is also for Anxiety, and Apprehension...
Which our soon-to-be adopted daughter seems to have a lot of lately.
There are also some signs of grief and loss.
Of the many losses of adoption is the realization to a child that in order to have this family, I had to lose another one.
We've been here before, a few times actually, and we know from experience that when children realize the loss, the healing is just beginning...
(Even with Megan, who was adopted as an infant. Their brains still have to grow into that complicated idea...)
...The idea of integration of all their identities. Who they are because of who they're with, and because of who they're not with.
At the end of the day it all means: In order to have this family, I had to lose another one.
Several "other families" actually for Gabby, and a sister, and a brother. A lot of loss.
So she asks every day to call her her other mom, "the only one who loved me besides you mom."
And she asks to write a letter to her sister, and she looks at pictures of India and a scrapbook of arriving in the United States from India.
And tells stories about another adoption that almost was, but then wasn't, and then was, and then wasn't, and tells us how someone once told her that no one would want her and that she'd never be adopted.
Adults can be so mean.
But thankfully she's a resilient child.
And she'll get through this like she's gotten through everything else, because that's what she does.
Mostly, she is "super, super, super excited" for her adoption, and is already planning her adoption party, and her birthday party.
And we're looking forward to a lifetime of love and birthdays. We know that the next few weeks might be bumpy, but we're ready.
Already as a mom it's forcing me to be more concientious and aware of what I say and what she says, and more intentional about how I relate and interact.
And Tim and I have conversations about supporting her through this process she has to go through, which lead to a conversation of supporting each other, which was good also.
Adoption, here we come! Even though we don't have a date, we're counting the days!
Read more about adoption here, and read more about Gabby's journey here and here.