I think it's more of a collective love of the title,
And the idea of what it is I do every day,
And the thrill of knowing that I get to know some pretty amazing beings as my children...
And watch them grow into the beings that they are becoming,
And the beings they always have been, just clothed in children's bodies so they could meet me, and teach me about life.
That thought always thrills me.
Those are the thoughts I try to think in those moments when I'm not loving the mommy job, or when I'm thinking, "What was I thinking?!?!"
Or when I look around the dinner table,
Or glance behind me in the rear view mirror,
And realize there are five of them
And only one of me. Yes, scary.
I also sometimes remember how it is that I got here, and how I've evolved in my role as a mother.
I didn't always feel like I do now about being a mom, but I know I always wanted to feel this way. I remember when my children were younger how I felt so, so, so inadequate, and thought at least five times a day that I was letting them down, or letting God down, because He trusted me with these amazing children and (shhhhhhh...don't tell anyone...I wasn't perfect).
Yes, it's true. The mommy learning curve was a lot more of a curve for me than it is for a lot of moms. It didn't (and sometimes still doesn't) come naturally.
I wasn't good at any of the things I thought I was supposed to be good at.
Things like: cookingcleaningcraftslaundrysewingorganizingvacuumingdustingdesigninggardeningbaking...
Then there are things like sticky hands, smelly kid breath, and whiny voices that I really, really, don't like. Not at all. Not even on my own children, and (way back in the day) I thought for some reason that I must not be a good mom if I didn't have patience for those things. (Yeah...twisted, I know.)
Then at some point (when the mommy learning curve seemed to be curving on and on and on), I figured out that even though I wasn't naturally good at the mommy things, I was good at other things like observing, listening, reading, and learning. So I observed, listened, read, and learned...then read and observed and learned some more, and some more, and little by little I saw how my own personality, and the things I was learning did make me a good mom. And so what if I wasn't good at things like cookingcleaningcraftslaundrysewingorganizingvacuumingdustingdesigninggardeningbaking...
I was good at the things that mattered like listening, loving, caring, and nurturing.
So when my youngest ones went to school, I went back to school also...
Then I went to work...
And realized how blessed I was that I was married to a guy who was good at things like cookingcleaningcraftslaundrysewingorganizingvacuumingdustingdesigninggardeningbaking...
Good enough that he felt comfortable saying, "Go. You're good at what you want to do, and you need to do it."
Then together we learned to manage a home and raise a family, and our children learned to work and help out, and when laundry is spilling out of the laundry room into the hallway, it's amazing how quickly seven people can fold and take care of clothes, towels and sheets (even if we can't find them later). And when mom wrenches her back doing yoga with her girls, everyone can pick up the slack for a few days and let mom recover.
Because that's what families do.
And moms are just one piece of that family...the heart actually, which is important, even critical, but still just one piece.
I guess my point is... I'm not sure what my point is. Maybe there are a lot of them.
- It's love that makes a home and family, and if you also happen to be good at (that big long list of things I'm not good at), then also be good at loving, because it's important.
- All moms struggle to find their place... I think I didn't add that I still struggle, and feel like God must have made a mistake to trust me with these children, but then I remember to go back to what I'm good at, and I observe, learn, read...
- And pray because one other thing I've learned is that God created my children and He knows them better than I do, and if I let Him whisper to me about what they need, I usually find the answer.
- And when none of that works, it's a popcorn and movie day, because after a break, we all feel a little better.
Also, check out Living A Big Story by Laura. She's also blogging about moms (in honor of her mother who passed away this past year), but she's brave enough to take on the subject for an entire month, and is introducing us to a lot of different moms, and great ideas like being enough. Happy reading!
More about mothering.
More about mothering.