Sunday Sharing

Growing up we were supposed to give inspirational quotes as part of a devotional to start our young women's church meetings.  Some quotes got recycled.  A lot.  They were the standby's.

One I remember being shared frequently was, "It's nice to be important but it's more important to be nice."  

(The fact that I remember it all these years later means maybe recycled quotes aren't that bad after all, right?)


At the same time, isn't it interesting how nice people become important?

On August 18th, we held our 4th Annual Random Acts of Kindness Day.  Through facebook the invitation spread, and was also shared via email, and blogs.  Some people shared with us what they did, and others shared how they were affected by this experience.  People did everything from public service to helping a neighbor.

Joie (who is growing into this tradition as she gets older) was excited for the first time this year about doing random acts of kindness that day.  That morning she fed the dogs and gave them fresh water, and watered all our (neglected) houseplants.  We had some happy dogs and happy plants around our house that day!

Than she spent the afternoon baking:

Yum!  That night we delivered the cookies to Gabby's piano teacher and her family.  The selection of the cookie recipient was kind of random.  Gabby wanted in on the kindness tradition, and Joie was willing to include her by giving the cookies to someone Gabby chose.  (Side note:  Scary how those two are cooperating these days.  They're even sharing a room now...verdict is still out on that one, but it was their choice.)

The morning after our RAK 4 day, Tim and I left for Seattle and the kids went to stay with cousins.  We arrived home two days later to find our kindness had unexpectedly been returned.  Gabby's piano teacher is a senior in high school and still lives at home.  Her mother has MS and suffers daily with symptoms.  In the past several years she has lost a lot of mobility, and struggles more with daily tasks.  That's not why they were chosen, but this woman's example of facing life with a smile is always contagious.  When we arrived home there was a kind note taped to our door from Gabby's piano teacher's family, thanking us for the cookies.  It was fun to come home to a personal note, and that particular act of kindness was humbling to me--that on the list of daily tasks of someone struggling with daily tasks was to write a note to a neighbor.  It was an example of the ripples of kindness.  

I call them ripples because it seems like kindness somehow takes on a life of it's own.  It spreads and grows, and even though it's seldom the intention, it ripples back.  Many comments about experiences that day reflected the same idea.

One woman posted on the invite wall on facebook and said, "I dont want to tell what I did, but more how I felt.  Doing something kind for another lifts our own burdens...  I needed the lift of serving others more than I needed the support of being served. I always find that in serving others, my worries become so very small. My heart has been glad all day, and any hiccups along todays path were seemingly small and insignificant. Today I smiled a little more, walked with a lift in my step, and had great peace in my heart as I found ways to share Unconditional Love in Action. Thank you for including me."

Our family's sincere thanks goes out to all those who participated in any way.  

I laughed at the idea of my brother and sister-in-law smiling at "the generally stoic Germans" just to watch them smile back.  

I was warmed at the idea of a mother including a daughter, and another mother talking about how the mood in her home changed when she looked for ways to be kind to her children.  

Someone else did temple service.

Other people shared with us their own stories of tragedy, and we found connections and friends and felt less alone.  Some people say they don't like others talking about their own experiences with grief when the topic is raised.  For me I've always felt oddly comforted by others sharing their own stories--it somehow signals strength and that we'll all be ok.  For those who shared, thank you!

One of my sisters climbed Pike's Peak that day with her husband (happy anniversary Esther and Phil!) and they smiled and encouraged other after they had reached the summit themselves.  If you've ever been a hiker encouraged by others who have already been to the top, you know what a welcome burst of energy that can provide!

Another sister offered to host extended family from out of town while they were traveling due to a family emergency.  She did so because she remembered another friend who had offered the same thing to her when she and her family were traveling to Utah after Ruth, Nick and Audrey died, and how comforting it felt to stay with friends during a time of crisis.

For me, the amazing part was that I didn't even think (that much) about our loss that day.  It certainly had weighed heavily on my mind in the days and weeks prior (bawled my eyes out with Joie the day before) but on that day, I was surprised how reaching out really did help.

Kindness in it's many forms is a gift that keeps on giving.  We have been blessed to share our day with so many of you, and look forward to more of the same next year!

Ready, Set, Go! (Round 2)

The second bunch of back-to-schoolers was off early Wednesday morning.  Check them out in their love-er-ly uniforms.

The only problem of the day was that Megan wore light blue, a color apparently reserved for high school students only.  Oops.  

Other than that, the transition from public middle school to a charter school was seamless.  Worries about friends disappeared the first day.  It seems like our family wasn't the only one making a switch and our children knew more of their new peers than they originally thought.  At the end of the first week I can say I'm glad we did it.  No regrets.  

(If you don't like reading about school issues, feel free to stop, but if you're a parent, school is a major issue, so reading on might be good...)

I know there are as many opinions out there about schooling as there are people, and I guess that would be my main point in prefacing our move to a charter school.  Every family and every student within families is diverse and I've always tried to treat my children's educational needs individually.  I even homeschooled one of my children for 6 whole weeks several years ago.  

Said student was in a very chaotic classroom environment and does better with a lot of structure.  This kiddo was falling apart, not getting out of bed in the morning, crying when it was time to leave the house, disappearing into their own world at all times of day and night.  It was a little disheartening as a mom to see such extreme changes.  The word helpless comes to mind.  I worked with the school to try to get a different class for my child (because hello! I know my children) and instead the principal thought this child needed an evaluation.  Keeping two other children in school, I pulled my child who was struggling out of school for a brief stint of homeschool (longest 6 weeks of my life).  This child's personality returned, and I was able to return to the school (after a few district level phone calls) to negotiate putting my child in a different classroom.  This child finished the school year in a wonderfully structured class with a wonderfully structured teacher and we all lived happily ever after.  The end.

But not quite.

During that difficult year, a new charter school opened up in our area.  I considered taking my children there, and entered their names in the lottery and they got in!  We were so excited!

Then plans changed once again.  We were also moving to a new house that same year (same general area) and as we learned more about our new boundary elementary school, the more we liked that option and didn't see the need for a charter school.  Our initial instinct to keep with our boundary school was right on.  The elementary school has been amazing with great administration, incredible parent involvement, and a lot of extra-cirricular opportunities for our children.  When we had challenges we were able to work them out with teachers and/or administration and it was this school and community support that was hugely instrumental in getting us through one of the most difficult years of our lives.  We were pleased with our decision to remain in our community school.

Until middle school.

Nate flew under the middle school radar the first year.  Then in 8th grade he got sick...too many health problems to list in one blog post.  He was diagnosed later that year with PANDAS which stands for Pediatric Autoimmune Neuropsychiatric Disorders Associated with Strep.  Think rheumatic fever for the brain.  Basically antibodies that are supposed to attack strep attack the neurological system...not a fun scenario for anyone, but especially not a fun scenario for a pre-pubescent middle schooler.  (Read more about PANDAS here.)  

During the summer between 8th and 9th grades Nate came to me and said something about wanting to go to a smaller school.  By that point he was on long-term antibiotics and doing better but just didn't want to return to the same environment he'd been in...  And truth be told, even on our best days I hadn't been super impressed with the middle school either.

A few phone calls later I found out that the same charter school we had considered all those years previous was building a high school, and had openings for high-school aged students.  Nate got in.  He has some rough patches with health last year (which continue off and on) but even during the worst points of the year, the school was responsive, structured, open, and consistent.  

Seeing the differences between that and our middle school experience (where Megan and Jeran were then enrolled) lead me to put all their names on the waiting list.  I had some hesitations about moving children to a different school if they were doing ok, but I was convinced by than that not all public schools were created equally, and a good elementary experience in our local area did not equal a good middle school experience.  I was also concerned that Joie, who was only a few years behind Megan and Jeran, could potentially have more difficulty in the complex social environment of traditional middle school.  I put their names back in the charter school lottery.

Long story short (and back to the point about what is best for each individual student and family), we followed our instincts again and all our older children (with the exception of Gabby, who is still at our boundary elementary school) are at Summit Academy.  Sixth grade is part of the jr. high there, so Joie made the move as well.

So far the reviews are positive.  Even Megan who was the most concerned about leaving behind the familiar (i.e. friends), said the following on the first day:  "It's so clean! And I didn't hear one swear word all day, and there was no pushing in the halls and people get to class on time because if they don't they actually get detention."

Then over the past few days I've heard how classes are fun and how it's nice to be in classes where students are there to learn.  

Imagine that.  Learning in school.

That's been a frustration for me with middle school (and apparently for Megan and Jeran who on the surface appeared to be doing well).  It seems that in spite of best efforts, teachers are compelled to teach while dancing around an environment where behavior problems are accepted as the norm.  It's a complex environment that I won't pretend to understand, but at the end of the day, knowing we have three out of five children who for various reasons would struggle in that complex environment, we've made the shift. It means driving out of our way to take kids to school (thank heavens for an awesome carpool organizer).  It means wearing (and buying) uniforms.  In the next few years it will mean driving outside of our area for sporting and other extra-cirricular events.  It means sacrifice, but we felt like it was the best choice for our family.

So ready, set go!  2011-12 school year, here we come!  With five children at three different schools, I'm sure it won't be boring.  Nate starts high school Monday and from then forward, I'm sure I'll have to hire a full-time event planner to keep up with the schedules!

***I did a blog series last fall on my counseling website about school issues.  If school is challenging for your students (or you) take a look.***

Ready, Set, Go!

First day of school already?

Don't let the smile fool you.  Poor Gabby starts school two days before the junior high kids, and a full week ahead of Nate who is in high school, so she was the only one who had school today.  Trust me.  There were plenty of, "It's-not-fair!" moments.  

And the outfit she had picked out weeks ago to wear today didn't make it on her body.  At the last minute she chose comfort over fashion.  (Yes!)  But she still somehow managed to pull off an impressive back-to-school look...  And payback to the older siblings who didn't start yet is right around the corner, because come Wednesday morning, they'll all be marching out the door in uniforms.  Somehow "It's not fair!" takes on a whole new meaning.

Sunday Sharing

Quick note:  I was so touched and impressed with responses about our Random Acts of Kindness Day, and can't wait to share them.  We were out of town this past weekend (i.e. not blogging), so that will come...eventually.

Family is on my brain lately, and the last few weeks have given us a lot of opportunity to reflect on and appreciate family.

It's hard to explain how I feel when I'm around family, but I can't imagine not feeling that way forever.

• It's how I felt when I saw my sister walk in the temple the day of our family sealing.
• It's how I felt at our family adoption celebration later that same day.
• It's the crazy, funny morning getting ready for family pictures.
• It's being surrounded by love and kindness whenever, where ever you need it.
• It's missing people who aren't here and tons of memories from when they were here.
• It's not wanting to say good-bye when it's time to go.
• It's being happy to see each other again.
• It's traveling hundreds of miles to see people you love.

It's all those things and so much more.

This past weekend Tim and I went to the Seattle area to celebrate my cousin's wedding.  It was a quick trip and there were times it didn't make sense to make the trip, but we think this cousin is awesome and his family is my second family.  They were a huge part of forming who I was during my college years, and we were happy for the opportunity to celebrate with them, even though it's always too short.

I won't lie.  It was also good to get away from kids for a few days, and I think we had just enough time away to be really excited to see them again when we got home.  (And thank you Dean and Joelle for taking on five extra children for the weekend).  

While we were gone, Joelle posted some pictures on facebook from a hike they took with the kids.  

Stewart Falls in Utah

Interestingly enough, Tim and I had some time to kill earlier that day and on the same morning our children were at one waterfall in Utah, Tim and I were at another waterfall in Washington.

Snoqualmie Falls in Washington

Our attempt at a self photo at Snoqualmie Falls

Call me sentimental, but I felt connected across the miles by the similarities between our activities that morning, which is just another one of those things family is all about:  feeling connected even when we're not together.

• It's my dangly earrings I let Joie borrow as we hurried out the door to the airport because she was having a hard morning and needed to have a piece of me with her while we were away.
• It's texts and phone calls from teens who want to think they don't need a connection but were making them anyway while we were gone.
• It's memories and traditions we maintain even when it isn't easy because what it represents is important.
• It's knowing the warmth and security we share is still there even when we aren't.
• It's knowing all this can last forever because we are connected, which is the most incredible thing ever if you really, really think about it.

Families are the best!  

4th Annual Random Acts of Kindness Day

We are blessed to have so many people are joining with our family in paying it forward this year with random acts of kindness.

I've said before that the heartache and loss of August 18th will always be with us, but our goal has been to make that day something that would honor Ruth, Nick and Audrey and and the many lives that have touched ours through this loss.  Thank you for helping us accomplish that!

Beginning with my first post about this day, I've shared stories of kindness that have touched our lives.

I can think of many, many, many others but on a day of kindness, I don't want to overlook the power of the seemingly small acts of kindness.

• I remember occasions where neighbors would call to invite Joie to play with friends, or call to take her on outings with their children.  Those moments were priceless in helping her to just be a kid and enjoy life, and also in helping her connect to a new family and new community.
• I remember people listening to me while I cried about the upheaval of our lives and the things we dealt with on a daily basis with the adjustments Joie and all our children were making.
• I remember other adults patiently listening to Joie when she wanted to talk about her family.
• I remember a package that arrived in the mail long after packages had stopped arriving in the mail from one of my cousins and her children.  It arrived at a really down moment on a really down day for Joie, and it helped to know someone cared and was thinking of her.
• I appreciated people who would remember our other children were also affected by this loss.
• I remember grandparents standing close enough to support, but far enough away to let us parent and connect with Joie in a way that would allow the parent-child bond to form.  That was wisdom in action.
• I remember people taking time to share stories and memories about their time with Ruth, Nick or Audrey.
• I remember people who were understanding in school or church when our children were struggling.

Those small things made a huge difference.

On August 18th (and in the days that follow) we would love to hear about your experiences helping us pay it forward with random acts of kindness.  Please share!  

Side note:  It's now almost August 18th and I'm starting with my first random act of kindness by staying up watching movies with Megan who just broke her nose playing night games...keeping her comfy and hydrated.  Pass the ibuprofen please!

Heaven

There just aren't words, so I won't even try.  What a heavenly day.

Families are Forever

Sunday Sharing

Just today Gabby came up to me when I was outside and said, "You know how I used to be able to skip 4 bars on the monkey bars?  Now I can only skip two or three."  Of course I had to know why.

"Because I slipped one day and almost fell," she said.  "Then there was that other time I did fall."  


But it was what she said next that was remarkable.  "I'm going to practice now so I can get it back," she said.

A while later she came in the house to show me her red hands, not to complain, but to show me how hard she'd been working, "and I almost got it," she said.

That's Gabby.  She is very real about life, both the fears and challenges, but she's all about pushing through to the goal.

Recently I read this quote:  "Chaos is inherent in all compounded things. Strive on with diligence." (Buddha)


I was interested in the word, "compounded," because I recognized it from another familiar quote: "For it must needs be, that there is an opposition in all things...Wherefore, all things must needs be a compound in one..."  (2 Nephi 2:11)


When I think of things being "compounded," I think of different things being combined, or things having more than one purpose.

So whether you call it opposition or chaos, both have a purpose, even a duel purpose.  In other words, it's not just about getting through, it's about getting through successfully.  It's about challenges bringing about growth and purpose.  It's about stormy days bringing lush, new growth.

Life is, by nature, compounded.  All the elements and forces and lives that come together on this planet create a very unique human condition for each individual.  All those elements and forces combine to create love, life, success, and amazing growth and progress.  They also create destruction, fear, pain, and failures.

The compound purpose is both challenge and growth because you can't have one without the other.  I'm impressed that at age 10 Gabby knows that.

As we've worked in the past year to bring Gabby into our family, and to become a family through all the changes, we certainly recognize the potential to view all this change as chaos.  Also, the closer we came to becoming a family, to actually finalizing Gabby's adoption, the more it seems the challenges have increased.  The past few months have been especially difficult.  There have been health challenges, work challenges, parenting challenges, and even financial challenges.

A few weeks ago, Tim and I felt our own relationship feeling the pressures of all the challenges.  In one of those, "What in the world is going on?" conversations that lasted several hours, we made decisions to refocus our energy on to what matters most:  our love, our faith, our family, our children, and our goal to take our family to the temple to have Gabby sealed to us.

The last few weeks have been very different--not without challenges, but with new purpose and focus that has kept us moving forward.  Some days when the purpose dims, and our hands are looking a little worn and red from trying, we follow Gabby's example and keep working, because, "We almost got it."

*********************

Tuesday, August 16th:  The day Gabby is sealed to our family forever and ever and ever!
Thursday, August 18th:  4th Annual Random Acts of Kindness Day

For more about LDS temples see here.
For more about the importance of families see here.
For more about our 4th Annual Random Acts of Kindness Day see here or here.

Joie's Backyard Bash

We seriously need to edit the birthday traditions around here.  Anyone else feel like it's been Christmas for 3 months straight?

And we manage to drag the celebrations on over a week.

Joie's birthday was a week ago.  Her friend party was tonight.

But it must be fun, or we wouldn't do it.  If there's a reason to have a party, we're there!

Exhibit A:

Friends

Exhibit B:

Presents

And as many girly-girl things as could be imagined...

Even more girly-girl things...  Her friends know her well!

Exhibit C:

The best blowing-out-candle picture I've ever seen

Exhibit D:

No pictures here, but imagine an awesome A-Z scavenger hunt.

And roasting s'mores would have been a blast, but the wind kicked up and since there was already a wild fire burning up on the mountain not far from us, we decided to douse our fire and make microwave s'mores and friendship bracelets instead.

And you should have heard the girl talk!  (Don't worry girls.  My lips are sealed.)

And now for the big announcement (drumroll please...)

Jarmans have finished the 2011 birthday season.  Yes, folks.  Our birthday marathon has come to an end.

Other announcements:

• Megan, Jeran and Joie all got into the local charter school we were hoping they'd get into.  Gabby is on the sibling priority list, but her elementary school is awesome so she may not move for a few more years.  
• Summer is winding down.  School starts too soon.
• I'm tired.
• And Gabby wins the award of the strongest 10 year old on the planet: 

Nate is easily double Gabby's weight...and that's uphill!

But she also got her turn:

Big brothers are good for something.

4th Annual Random Acts of Kindness Day

Today I'm being helped to spread the message of our 4th Annual Random Acts of Kindness Day.  Laura at Living A Big Story is sharing our story and our day with her readers.  For all of you joining you in this tradition, we thank you!

This year as we approach the anniversary of the deaths of Joie's family members, our family is also in a time of celebration with legally adding Gabby to our family, and preparing for her to be sealed to our family.  I can't help but think of the contrasts.  Then the more I thought of the contrast, the less of a contrast it became.  I'm thankful for eternal perspective, and the understanding that this moment in time is only a dot on the eternal timeline.

Actions and choices make up the content of our lives, and certainly as we celebrate the kindness of others, we celebrate the kindness that made up their lives.

Over the past few days I have been asking friends and family to share memories with me about how they have been beneficiaries of kindness through the lives of Ruth and Nick.  We will share some of these as well as acts of kindness we received from others following the loss of Joie's family.

• My mom shared how Ruth struggled to feel accepted and wanted in high school, but was a friend to all.  At her viewing, many people from her class came through the line commenting on how much Ruth's friendship had meant to them.
• Everyone shares stories of how Nick helped them with their computer problems.  Joie still calls her dad a geek, and remembers him always fixing someone's computer.  I remember him not only fixing computers, but talking to people while he fixed computers.  He cared about people and their lives, and it was his human touch that made others remember him.

We also remember acts of kindness from others:

• People who drove miles to come be by our sides at the hospital.
• Friends and neighbors who showed up at our door with food, gifts, hugs, and well-wishes.  I remember one neighbor in particular who had already brought a gift but showed up again a few days later with a bag of peaches from her tree.  A few years later my sister called me when one of her neighbors died.  We talked about the peaches.  It was one of the gifts I remember most.  In a situation that is completely helpless, people were just doing what they could to help out, and it was those small acts of connection and kindness we remembered.  (My sister ended up taking strawberries to her neighbor, and later her neighbor told her how much she appreciated my sister just stopping by.)
• One of my cousins also called, saying his wife, whose mother had died when she was younger, wanted to give Joie a necklace she had which had belonged to her mom.  It was one of those gifts that formed a connection between Joie and someone she had never met, and let her know, from someone else who knew, that she would be ok.

Switching gears...  Ruth also had a sense of humor.  After she died, we found evidence of her humor everywhere.  Among the many earthly possessions left behind by Ruth and Nick were their scriptures, which became treasures to Joie who loved to read the notes her parents wrote.  Inside the back cover of Ruth's scriptures was the following quote:  "A good deed is like wetting your pants in a dark suit.  No one notices, but it sure feels good!"

Only Ruth would write that in  her scriptures.

She also wrote that things we love "are best when shared with someone else."  

We are inviting all of you to share with us this gift of kindness by celebrating our 4th Annual Random Acts of Kindness Day on August 18th.  Kindness can happen with anyone, anytime, anywhere.  The goal is to spread kindness on that day in honor of the lives of Ruth, Nick and Audrey, and those who showed kindness to our family during our time of need.  

Now it's our turn to pass it on.

(See Joie's blog here for her smilebox creations about her family.)

Gabriella Pallavi Jarman

Gabby is officially Gabriella Pallavi Jarman.


For the first time in 10 months we aren't waiting.  (Gabby is reading over my shoulder and said it felt like 10 minutes, not 10 months.)

For the first time in 10 months we aren't in some sort of process of application, approval or review...

For the first time in 10 months the future of our family is not in the hands of an agency, a social worker, or the court.  (Just to clarify...we appreciate the people we've worked with, but if you've adopted, you know what it's like to open your life up to be approved by strangers.  Nate has jokingly dubbed the social worker the "home study stalker.")

And for the first time in years Gabby knows she has a family forever and ever and ever and ever...

Today, after what seemed like hours of waiting outside the court room...

(Sidenote:  It was only an hour, but it seemed a lot longer than that.  The judge took the families with babies first...apparently they thought teens and tweens were better at waiting than babies.)

Want to see how teens and tweens wait?

They amuse themselves with electronic devices...

They snap a lot of photos...

There were many, many self-photos on my camera...

Many...

And they have push-up contests in the hall outside the courtroom...

Best dad ever.

Then finally, after 10 months plus one hour of waiting...

Gabby was officially Gabriella Pallavi Jarman.

And became a member of our sometimes crazy, but mostly happy family.

Then a celebration at Iceberg (Gabby's choice but no one was complaining that they were eating huge milkshakes for lunch.)

And when Gabby found out they had onion rings, she was a happy girl.

And after all that, my favorite, favorite part of the day was:

• Not the judge questioning the kids in court, although that was amusing...
• Not that Tim wore his favorite tie (he even remembered...)
• And not the amusing conversations happening right now as the kids are having their sibling slumber party in the other room...

No, my favorite part of the day was hearing Gabby singing in the shower this morning as she got ready.  

"I am a child of God,

And He has sent me here,

Has given me an earthly home

With parents kind and dear..."

(lyrics from I Am A Child of God by Naomi W. Randall)

I was in the family room with Nate and Tim when we heard her singing, and when I realized what I was hearing, my eyes filled with tears.  I hugged Tim, and the significance and meaning of this day started to sink in...

Today we became parents again to an amazing girl.  Everyone who knows her in her lifetime is privileged and blessed.  She's that awesome.  And on the day she would be officially joining a family, she thought to sing about God giving her a home and a family.  We are so blessed.

How do you measure the value of home and family to a girl who has known what it is like to live without both?  

It was worth every moment of that 10 month plus one hour wait.

I'd do it 100 times over.

What an amazing gift this has been to our family.  

We love you Gabby!

(And we took the requisite photo of Mr. Matheson holding a cell phone...a tradition started by my sister at Joie's adoption.)

This is for you, Becky.

That Fluttery Feeling

My stomach feels like this...

Tomorrow is the adoption day.  The day.

The day we've waited for since Our Unknown Future.

And especially since we fist met our soon to be daughter.

But about the butterflies...

I'm not sure why they're there.  I'm excited, and this cay couldn't come soon enough.  I have no questions in my mind about making Gabby a part of our family.

I think it's the whole idea of court that brings the butterflies...

Going before a judge,

Hoping all the i's are dotted and t's are crossed,

Hoping we don't forget anyone,

Or anything.

When we adopted Joie I had butterflies too.

What do I remember about that day?  

• Tim wore the wrong tie with the wrong shirt and I grumbled enough about needing to change that he refused to change.  It didn't matter, but the butterflies were doing the talking that day and it bothered me..and I remember it, so I won't comment on ties tomorrow (and knowing Tim he'll choose the same one just to see if I really, really won't comment).
• My parents were there, and my sister was there, along with her kids.  I told them I'd need some support because it isn't easy to adopt your sister's little girl.  It's kind of emotional, in fact.  But with the support we made it through.
• And I remember that my sister made me laugh when she decided the statue of Scott Matheson in the courtroom foyer needed to be holding a cell phone...

• And I remember that we weren't arrested...because I sort of wondered if we might be (blaming the butterflies on that one).
• I also remember Tim forgot how many years we'd been married, so when the attorney asked him he froze.  And I'm still not sure what to think of his answer..."Sometimes it seems like forever."  Really.  He said that.  In court to a judge.  I'm sure it had something to do with me complaining about his tie, but it's a moment we won't forget.
• I also loved our judge.  He was awesome.  I wish we could have him again.  He talked to all the kids, not just Joie, and he gave Joie a beanie baby.  He also let them see the holding cell where they put people if they're arrested in court.  (And I made sure they all checked it out...just so they knew for sure they didn't want to be there.)
• And more than anything I remember at the end of the day I could say "daughter" and it was official.  I remember that night she fell asleep in my arms on the couch, and I was thankful for the peace of that moment.

Who knows what tomorrow will bring (or what sort of mischief the butterflies will bring into our world tomorrow), but by the end of the day we'll be a family, and Gabby will officially be a Jarman.  (And for sure she wants to go to Iceberg  because the boys have Gabby dreaming of the biggest milkshake she's ever eaten.)

Sunday Sharing

Kindness:  the state or quality of being kind; a kind act; kind behavior; a friendly feeling...

Outside of a definition, what does kindness mean to you?

When I think of kindness, I think of acting on a feeling of compassion, and I think of Jesus Christ, the best example of kindness.


"A new commandment I give unto you, That ye alove one another; as I have loved you, that ye also blove one another.


 By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have alove one to another."  (John 13 34-35)


I think of the kindness of extended family, neighbors and friends who have welcomed Gabby into our family and neighborhood.

I think of friends who stop to talk to us and ask us how we're doing and how they can help.

I think of kind words from people who take the time to comment on the positive.

I think of people who help, even when it isn't easy, or convenient...or sometimes even necessary.

I think of children who find ways to include other children in their play.

I think of so many, many examples...

My own life and view of kindness was forever changed almost four years ago, on August 18, 2007, on the day Joie lost her family.  I remember hearing accounts of that day, even from seasoned professionals-first responders who were on hand that day to help, who described that accident as one of the worst they'd seen in their careers...

Which always makes me think of the kindness of total strangers who rushed into that tragic and horrible scene to rescue one little girl.  Their names are Jaci and Jeareme Hawks, and I've written a little about them before, but words can't express how much it meant to our family and to Joie to have them there that day.

Because of them, Joie was shielded from the horrific scene around her.

Because of them, she was cradled in the loving arms of adults who knew what to do and say to help her through a very frightening experience.

A week later when we received a letter in the mail from Jaci telling us how they had been there on the scene with Joie, our hearts were filled with peace.  Our entire family (myself, my siblings, and mom and dad) had pictured her lying there helpless on the side of the road in the summer heat, wondering what she had seen and experienced in those long minutes before the ambulance arrived on that remote section of highway.  Many times during that first week I had sobbed uncontrollably at the thought of wanting to have been there to hold her and protect her from all that was around her.  It remains one of the most heart warming things in the world to me to know that the loving people around Joie that day acted in ways that were calming and reassuring to her, even in the midst of the most horrific thing many of them had ever experienced.

A year later, when it was time to commemorate that day in a way that would give it meaning, I felt the heaviness and darkness of grief settling in.  It was out of a need to rescue myself from those feelings that a tradition was born...

That year we celebrated our first Random Acts of Kindness Day on August 18, 2008.  We've kept the tradition going since then.  The last two years I've sent an invite on facebook and others have passed it on to their friends.  This year I'm posting it here again also.

Please join our family on August 18 in the 4th Annual Random Acts of Kindness Day.  Ruth and Nick (Joie's parents) were the kind of people who would drop anything to help a friend or reach out to others.  In their deaths, many reached out to our family, and to Joie in kindness.  We received gifts from all over the world that year for Joie and for our family.  People who didn't even know us were thinking of us, and acting on those feelings.

We invite everyone to join with us in celebrating this day. Practice random acts of kindness.  Little things do matter.  Smile at a stranger.  Let someone go first in line.  Listen to a friend...or a child.  Whatever kindness you choose, do it with purpose and mindfulness of the impact of kindness on the lives of others.  And in doing so you help us to honor the lives of Nick, Ruth, and Audrey Weaver, and those who reached out to us in kindness on that day (and to those who always reach out in kindness to others).

Feel free to pass it on!  Share this link to our Random Acts of Kindness challenge...

And in the next weeks, as I blog, I anticipate a lot of celebration over an adoption, and a sealing, and weddings...

I also anticipate moments of sadness, and tears of sorrow, because no matter how much we think we're over it, grief never really goes away, and something about the smells, and sights and sounds of August triggers all those feelings all over again...

But this year I'm going to try to throw in a few blogs during our busy upcoming weeks about kindness, leading up to our 4th Annual Random Acts of Kindness Day, to keep it on our minds and in front of us.

Thanks for the support!

Happy Birthday Joie!

Last.  Birthday.  Of.  The.  Birthday.  Marathon.  Season.

Then we celebrate an adoption...

And a sealing...

Then we're done.

Except for a wedding.

No, two weddings...

And back-to-school.

Tim laughed out loud when I was talking to my sister on the phone today and told her "Things aren't so busy after the adoption...  No, after the wedding...  Well, maybe after the kids are back in school?"

But back to Joie, a.k.a. Diana Jo DJ Joie Jo Weaver Jarman...

Who will wake up to this on our front door in the morning:

Door decorated by church youth group...

Welcome to the Hive!  (The "Beehives", that is...)

Yes, she will definitely be surprised.

Yes, it's true.  Joie is turning twelve!  Can you believe it?  (Apparently, I can't.)

And kidding about birthday exhaustion aside, we love to celebrate the life of this intelligent, funny, thoughtful, dramatic, and beautiful girl.

Notice something different about her?  (Hint:  It's in the eyes.)  

She got contacts!  Without her glasses her eyes remind me a lot of when she was younger...

Those big, beautiful, blue eyes.

They're her dad's eyes.  She's definitely his girl.  It's going to take me a few days to get used to looking at her and seeing just her, and not thinking about how much her mom loved those eyes, or how those eyes looked when she first came to live with us, and she would look up at me with those huge blue eyes (that are now almost my height), pleading without words for me to make it all go away.  (It's crazy what can unexpectedly take you back...)

Those same eyes are brighter now.  The life has returned to her face, and her eyes sparkle.  Today we were talking about her beautiful eyes, and as we talked I realized how we've had four years with her now...  Four years that could have so easily been taken from all of us on that day her family died.  Four years of memories.  Four years of sharing all the little daily things.  Four years of healing.  Four years of wondering how...

And why...

Then returning to the now because we can't change the how or the why.

And in the now Joie is turning twelve!  And thinking about that miracle gives us something huge to celebrate.

Mama Bear and Her Baby Bears

A few weeks ago I had a mean Mama Bear day.  Tonight I used my best fake mean mama bear voice to get Baby Bear in bed but Baby Bear only laughed.  Apparently the mean Mama Bear voice only works when you really, really mean it.  And apparently when you sleep during the day, it's difficult to fall asleep at night.  So while Baby Bear is busy playing in her room because she "isn't tired," I'll share a little Mama Bear/Baby Bear story:

Once upon a time there was a mama bear who had 5 cubs.  One day one of her little cubs said, "I have a sore throat."  


Mama Bear felt her forehead.  It was hot.  "Here.  Take some ibuprofen  and airborne," said Mama Bear, but by the next day her bear cub was even more sick, and her throat hurt so much she wouldn't eat her porridge.  All she wanted to drink was honey water and hot chocolate.

That same day another cub woke up saying, "Mom, I have a sore throat and a headache."


By that afternoon, Mama Bear decided to take her cubs for a strep test.

Positive.

More honey water and hot chocolate...and antibiotics.

(And a lot of TV and movies.)

Then warm chicken noodle soup.

That afternoon the hot chocolate splashed all over the kitchen, and the honey water spilled on blankets.  The chicken had to be picked out of the soup because one of the cubs doesn't eat meat, and Mama Bear also needed to drop some things off at the post office...

All this running around was making Mama Bear feel exhausted.  And a little achy.  And was that a tickle she felt in her throat?  No...  Couldn't be.  It was just her imagination.

A few hours later Mama Bear was pretty sure she wasn't imagining anything, and went in for a strep culture.

Positive.

More antibiotics.  But no hot chocolate.

The End.  Except for Baby Bear who slept too much today and isn't tired and Mama Bear waiting for her to fall asleep...

This was the exchange between Mama Bear and Baby Bear not even 10 minutes ago:

Mama:  "It is bedtime.  And if you're not tired, you at least need to go sit on your bed and read or play your DS until you fall asleep."


Baby Bear didn't move.  And she was hungry.  Again.  Baby Bear was new to the family and felt like she needed to educate Mama Bear a little.  "I'm really hungry when I'm sick.  You should know that about me," Baby said is her best imitation baby voice.  "Can you cook me Indian food?"


Mama:  "It's 10:00 at night.  There's something you should know about me.  I don't cook Indian food at 10:00 at night.  And I don't cook when I'm sick."  


Baby (thoughtfully sipping on her hot chocolate)  "Hmmmm....  But I'm not sleepy."


Mama:  "You don't have to sleep, but it is bedtime so you have to do something quiet in your room."


(And so on, and so forth...  Apparently something else Mama Bear was learning about Baby Bear was how truly skilled Baby Bear was at thinking up reasons not to go to bed when she is sick.)

"Feel my head.  I think I have a fever."


"Am I supposed to take more medicine yet?"


"Can I play with friends tomorrow if my fever is gone?"


About this time the fake mean Mama Bear voice kicked in, trying to imitate the real mean Mama Bear voice, but the smile of amusement on Baby Bear's face made it difficult.  Then Mama Bear said, "If you choose to not listen, you choose to lose friends tomorrow."  Works every time.  At least the Baby Bear is in her den room.

(Ten minute time lapse...)

Ok.  Mama Bear is going to bed.  Baby Bear is asleep.  Here's how it all went down:

Baby Bear said she was tired.  Mama Bear went in her room to say good-night.  Baby Bear was saying her prayers when she paused...

It was a really, really, long pause...

Mama Bear opened the corner of her eye.  Baby Bear's eyes were still shut.  And she was still.  Mama Bear shook Baby Bear.  Baby Bear didn't move.

"Amen," said Mama Bear, and she kissed Baby Bear on the head and turned out the light.

(Six more sleeps until Baby Bear's adoption is finalized!)

The Birthday That Won't End

This year Jeran's birthday has gone from being the forgotten birthday to the birthday that won't end.

Friday night, when girls were all finished with camps, we went out for dinner, and celebrated with cake at home.

But Jeran doesn't like real cake, so this year he chose an ice cream cake.

But we forgot the candles, so Dad, the eternal Boy Scout, improvised.

Candles

Dad, the Boy Scout lighting the matches candles.

Technically, you could say we forgot again since we didn't have candles, and when Jeran is older he can blame his issues on being forgotten...

But does this look like a kid who feels forgotten?  (Remember that when you're 20, Jeran.)

So now it's confession time.  We still haven't gotten a present for Jeran...not because we forgot, I promise.

First he wanted drums.  I've hesitated a little over that request.  After all, this is my boy who was ready to quit drums/band a mere 2 months ago.

Then he wanted a wheelchair.  Yes, you read that correctly.  He wants us to go to a local thrift store and buy him a wheelchair...  Because the kid down the street bought a wheelchair at the thrift store, and has mastered wheelchair wheelies.  It's all the rage in our neighborhood.  (Me hesitating, again.)  He even found one for sale in the local classifieds so I wouldn't have to go looking in thrift stores.

But tonight he announced again that he's back to wanting drums.  "And I promise I'll even take band from Mr. _________!"  

And just to be clear (one more time) we didn't forget to buy him a present.  We just haven't done it yet...  

Love you, Jeran!