Parent/Neuroscientist

I've said before that I think parents are neuroscientists.  I'll try really hard not to be a geek while I'm talking about all of this, but I know for sure if I had another degree in me it would be in the field of neuroscience or occupational therapy (the sensory part, which is hugely connected to neuroscience).  Definitely what I know as a professional fuels the belief that parents are neuroscientists.  For years, I've been a fan of Dan Siegel, Bruce Perry (the link is to his organization), Allan Schore, and many others who have helped to merge the fields of neuroscience and psychology.  This week I was able to attend a conference featuring Bruce Perry's work with healing trauma and attachment problems.  I won't bore all of you with the neuroscience details...I saw Tim's eyes glaze over with mere mention of the title, "The Neurosequential Model of Therapeutics."  (But if you're as fascinated as I am with neuroscience, go to any of the above websites and you could get lost for days.)

Meanwhile, it stands true that parents are neuroscientists.  With the emergence of brain scanning technology, we are living in a time were we can see and document physical changes in the brain under the stresses of abuse, as well as changes related to lack of connection and attachment.  Likewise, we can also see changes that occur under the healing influence of relationships and attachments.

I knew all this when we said yes to bringing Gabby in our family.  Nothing in her story told me she couldn't heal as a human being.

After she had been with us for several weeks, I remember looking at her one night as she was talking to me, having the realization that her first mom loved her.  (I'm mom #6.)  I honestly don't know a lot about Mom #1, and she is no longer living.  Gabby shares a few stories and memories, but nothing that tells me anything significant...

But I feel like I know a little about Gabby's mom #1 because she left an imprint on Gabby's brain that speaks loudly (through the filter of what I know from the above named awesome neuroscience geeks).

The rest is history...a really difficult history which includes more trauma that most children won't even learn of until they're approaching adulthood...

All of which also left an imprint on her brain...

One she is aware of and responds to, but doesn't rule her life.

Meanwhile, I'm just thankful that "mom" is a good representation to her and not a negative one...

So when she gets the hiccups drinking out of mom's magic water bottle gets rid of them...

And when she doesn't want to eat but she's "starving" a peanut butter sandwich prepared by mom is the best food on the planet...

And so when she has nightmares we can pretend I'm there with her in the nightmare helping to keep her safe...along with dad, brothers and sisters.  We're super heros when it comes to fighting nightmares.

And so even when we all get stressed and upset at each other, we can be hugging 5 minutes later and know all is right with the world.

By Bruce Perry standards, the system that allowed her to love and form relationships was formed during the first few years of life.

Way to go Mom #1.  You have my love and gratitude.  Mom #1, the neuroscientist-parent from South India, succeeded in preparing her daughter's brain to survive in this world.  There is no greater gift.

(For a really fascinating video that explains all this see here...one of my long-time favorites.  The video is in sections.  Scroll down to view each section of the entire video.)