We're Twins!

Joie has forever wanted to wear matching dresses with her sister.

Megan...not so much.

Before we were even went to Nebraska to meet Gabby, Joie had plans brewing for look-alike dresses with her new sister.

Turns out Gabby was all for it, so for Christmas one of their presents was look-alike dresses.

They wore them once.  Then Gabby said she didn't like the dress and wouldn't wear it again.  She was busy identifying with Megan and matching with Joie didn't fit into that plan.

For the past few months Gabby has imitated Megan's very casual style.

If the sincerest form of flattery is imitation, Megan is overly flattered, because when Joie first came, she abandoned her girly dresses and went with Megan's style also.  Eventually she started wearing dresses again, and has once again found her own style.

Gabby decided last week to break from Megan's style and she wore a skirt to school.

Then Sunday she decided with Joie they should wear their matching dresses again.

So should the caption be, "We're twins!"

Or should it be, "Oops...we wore the same dress."

Either way, both times they've worn their matching dresses, something in me wants to attach a huge sign  to their backs that says:

This was my own idea.  I promise my mom did not make me dress this way.

I'm with Megan on the matchy-matchy look.  I still have flashbacks of having to wear look-alike t-shirts with all 12 of my siblings whenever we went somewhere as a family...hence my sensitivity to seeing my own children in matching clothes.  

As you can imagine, being one of the oldest (and a teenager) during most of the matchy-matchy years, the trauma was immense...

Still recovering from that one.

He Speaks!

Funny, funny picture.  

They saw the medal stand at the gym and had to pose.

(Joie could easily add acting to her list of accomplishments.)

But see that kid on top?  The one in first place?  He's earned his spot, and we're happy to see him there.

A year ago we wondered what was wrong and if he'd ever be well again.  Out of the blue his immune system stopped functioning.

And if that wasn't enough...

He had strep antibodies attacking his neurological system.

Not his best year.

And for whatever reason, during that whole process he stopped talking at school.  

Literally.  He just refused to speak.

Not even to friends.

Some parents don't celebrate when they hear at parent teacher conferences that their children are talking in class.

And most teachers don't smile with pride and understanding when they tell parents their children are talking in class.

Yet that is exactly what happened this week at parent teacher conference.

It felt so good that teachers and school administrators recognized this as progress and celebrated with us.

Health challenges can be overwhelming and mysterious, and in this case, it's not over...

But it's better.

And he speaks!

He's also found his inner artist.  

He's taking art and photography this term and doing great at both.  He brought home some of his art and Gabby bought it from him with some of her own money.  Now he can say he's sold his first paintings.

And here is some of his photography work:

He asked me the other day if he could teach me how to use my camera...

And that was after he told me my camera is wasted on me because I don't know half of what it does...

And he's probably right.

But I'm glad he can teach me.

World's Best Babysitters

Pre-teen girls make the best babysitters.  They're just old enough to feel confident about taking care of younger children, and still excited enough that the newness hasn't worn off for them.

And because we've never had babies around here (except when our oldest three were babies all at once), all our children are endlessly entertained by little ones.  When little ones visit, they're a novelty.  A few years ago while watching nieces and nephews, Nate observed, "We don't need a TV when they're here, mom."

We've mentioned before that we have an adopted extended family.  Recently, Joie's Uncle Spencer (her Daddy Nick's brother), and his wife, Amy, found out they were expecting TWINS!  

Great news...until Amy started having early labor.  For the past four weeks she's been at a hospital in Salt Lake while her husband and three small children are at home, three hours away.

A few times the boys and Spencer (that's Uncle Spencer to Gabby who isn't convinced that Joie has any more claim on him or his boys than she does) have been able to come visit, and when the boys aren't at the hospital with their mom, they get to stay here.  The first time they visited, Grandma Susan came with them and took care of the boys...while the pre-teen girls at our house provided endless entertainment and back-up.

This past weekend the boys and Spencer visited again.  This time I provided the back-up while the boys were endlessly entertained by Joie and Gabby...and Megan a little when she wasn't busy with friends.  Also Wyatt (age 4) and Nate hit it off and Nate had a little shadow most of the time Wyatt was here.  Wyatt liked "that big boy" and once he learned to say Nate, he didn't stop.  And about Jeran...  Let's just say he tolerates small children.  Even as a toddler he was bothered when other little children were around.  Once when he was about three years old we were tending a friend's baby and he asked, "When is it going home?"  

And now for the babysitters in action...

These guys love, love, love hugs!

Feeding Jayden...

Dressing Jayden, who is so patient...  This kiddo must have big brothers!

Bryton and Wyatt hanging out with "that big boy."

Thanks Weavers for the entertaining weekend!

We'll Go With It

Gabby's new favorite saying is, "We'll go with it."

Isn't there a new movie coming out with that title?  I doubt she's thinking of movies when she says it...  It's more her way of saying even though there are things she doesn't want to do, and things she might not understand, she trusts she can go along anyway.

She was saying her prayers the other night and prayed, "...We trust you and we know your Son can bring us back alive again. We trust your plan and we're going to go with it."  

(I'm sure God breathed a sigh of relief.)

You might have figured out by now we celebrate a lot of birthdays around here.  

Of course there are the usual family birthdays...  We love those.

And there are other birthdays that we remember, and wish we could celebrate with people who aren't here anymore.  We've learned to observe those days anyway, honoring lives that have touched ours, even if we can't share the day.

We'll go with it.

A few weeks ago Gabby was having a hard time thinking about her sister's birthday.  She couldn't forget it, but remembering also meant remembering that somewhere in Nebraska her sister was turning a year older...without her.

So we made a cake.

Decorated a cake

Sang and blew out candles

And celebrated a life.

We'll go with it.

We don't always understand, but we'll go with it.

Nuts About Nutrition

If you know me, you know in the past few years I've gone a little nuts about nutrition.

Part of that is my own journey to find a healthier life, and part of that journey is compelled by the nutritional needs of my children.  We hate allergies, but it forces us to think creatively about food, and even though I've never loved the kitchen, I'm feeling more and more at home there.

At the same time, having children who are adopted keeps me from being completely compulsive about food...

But the refined sugar issue drives me to insanity some days.

(Me screaming into a pillow)

There are also times Tim knows to preface his choice of a dinner menu with, "And it ain't healthy, so don't ask." 

(Me getting out the almond butter and veggies...  Who says mom can't have a PBJ dinner too when she doesn't like what's on the table?)


Everyone knows I'm obsessed, and they humor me.  Here are some recent examples my family likes to site as proof I've gone over the edge:

• Disguising green things in smoothies.  The kids are on to me and carefully watch what goes into their smoothies, but I'm creative...that's all I'll say.  And my own smoothies are loaded with almost 100% of my daily intake of everything from fiber to protein and really obscure vitamins.
• Celebrating that our hotel in Nebraska was next to a Whole Foods, and long searches in airports to find healthy food choices (mostly for me on that one...impossible to do for everyone).
• Carrying a bag of almonds and a few apples with me everywhere I go to avoid coming up against choosing between processed foods and hunger.
• Stocking our kitchen with every possible natural sweetener alternative to processed sugar and modifying recipes to include only whole food ingredients.

And the list goes on.  Thankfully everyone has a sense of humor, and if you want to know the truth, they're my built-in personal trainers.  When I broke down and bought diet coke, Nate hid it, and just the other day Gabby told me, "Mom, I'm your Jillian."  

So imagine my joy at discovering how healthy Indian food can be, and that most of our family loves it...and it isn't that difficult to prepare.  Tim makes Pav Bhaji and Egg Curry by the pot, and stores it in the refrigerator for when our vegetarian daughter doesn't like what's on the menu.  And he loves to point out to me that the ingredients are all whole food ingredients.

(Me silently cheering that I might be rubbing off on the family.)

So about those spicy Cheetos Gabby loves, loves, loves...  Most people don't believe me, but we actually have allowed Cheetos in the house.  Recently they became a bonus item rather than a general snack item.  Four bonuses earns a bag of Cheetos.  That's four days of doing chores and homework with a good attitude.  And I force myself to not read the label and all those words I can't pronounce that are going into my children's bodies.

It's just Cheetos.

(Me breathing into a bag...)

And at the end of the day, whole foods still win, so we're all good.

Loss

"Mom, I really don't miss them that much," Joie says about her family when I ask her how she's doing.  But I can't help but notice she's a little off lately, the past few months to be exact.  Is this grief?

"I miss my sister.  I promised I'd take care of her forever," Gabby says.  And on the day we mailed a birthday package to her little sister, emotions were all over the map.  As we talk, I'm pretty sure this is a loss I don't understand.  Unnecessary.  Tell me why they're apart again?  None of us understand.  Adult decisions about her life based on adult responses to their own fears and insecurities.  How do you make sense of that loss?

Conversations about grief.

Questions expressed through tears.

Discussions of worries, happy memories, and the mysteries of God, and faith that He loves us with a love we can trust.

And some projects to help a little with the feelings of loss.

A frame for the picture her little sister sent with her last letter.

A flower for Mom

Keeping up the train tradition for Dad, who got his love of trains from his dad.

And a butterfly for Audrey.

Two girls, whose journey of loss started around the same time, half a world away from each other.  

Who knew back then those two girls would become sisters?

Sisters who speak to each other so candidly about their losses that it's sometimes hard to believe not everyone in the world has experienced such loss.  

And each time we speak of loss, we sigh, and feel a little better.  

But we know from experience it will surface again.

And when it does, we'll get through it.

Together.

Lava-Lava Hugs

Years ago, when Megan was a lot younger and was having a kind of insecure night, I went to my room to look for something of mine she could sleep with as a comfort item.  

In a moment made of part inspiration and part desperation (I wanted to sleep too), I grabbed one of my island lava-lavas from my drawer.

I hugged the lava-lava and wrapped it around her, and told her she was wrapped in my hug.  I also told her about lava-lavas, and wearing them in the islands, and told her all about the special Kiribati family that had given this lava-lava to me because it had an island farming prayer on it, and they knew I had grown up on a farm in Idaho.

It worked!  (I love it when that happens.)

And it worked for many nights after that, until Megan outgrew the lava-lava hugs and the lava-lava resumed it's place in my wardrobe.

Then when Joie came, and was feeling sad and alone, Megan remembered the lava-lava hugs from when she was little, and thought Joie might like that too.

And Megan decided she wasn't too old for lava-lava hugs after all, so we got out my other lava-lava and both girls got lava-lava hugs at night.  

Sometimes the lava-lava hugs were from Mom.

Sometimes the lava-lava hugs were from Dad.

Other times the girls asked for hugs from the other moms who knew them first.

And sometimes we'd hug the lava-lava twice, to be wrapped in the hugs of both moms.

For Joie, we even hugged the lava-lava five times, to be wrapped in the hugs of both moms and both dads, and little sister Audrey.

The lava-lavas eventually found their way back to my room, and were worn again casually.  Around the house, at the pool...  

And I'd always remember how the lava-lavas were also once hugs for my girls.

When Gabby came, it was Joie who reminded me about the lava-lava hugs.  

At first Gabby said, "You guys are weird."  

The next night she asked, "Mom, can I sleep with the hula-hula?"  

After that, because she doesn't like the word lava-lava, it was simply called "the hug blanket."

And for a little girl whose mind is often too restless to settle down at night, being wrapped in the hugs of those she loves has made sleep come more easily.

Some nights the hugs are from Mom.

Some nights the hugs are from Dad.

Some nights the hugs are from her foster mom.

And some nights the hugs are from her little sister, who she wishes she could hug right back.

What was once a hurried attempt to soothe a restless little girl has now become a tradition, and is a reminder that as much as I love these girls, someone else loved them first.