I guess now that I'm posting about adoption for
National Adoption Awareness Month, I'm aware of how often adoption issues do affect our lives. Mostly we try to just keep it normal, and absorb the bumps and complications. At the same time, I always try to keep it pretty real about the challenges of adoption, and the very real complications, struggles and losses that are often associated with adoption. Today is one of those "get real" posts. As it turns out, an odd mix of a lack of awareness and policies has lead to some unfriendly outcomes for us and for Gabby. And it all started with one vaccination...
Last year the school told us that Gabby may need to have one additional booster to complete her immunizations to meet requirements for school attendance. It isn't pleasant to tell a child who hates shots they might need another needle in their arm, but in brave Gabby style, she said she'd be
"as brave as Megan," and get it done anyway. Well, over the summer we checked, and it turned out our pediatrician didn't think she needed another immunization.
At the beginning of the school year I asked the school about it again...just covering bases. Earlier this month I got a letter from the school district outlining the supposed deficit in Gabby's immunizations, and requesting for us to either have that completed by November 17th, or to file an exemption for Gabby by that date. (Sidenote: I love Gabby's school. They're awesome. But let's face it...there is a minefield of issues surrounding international adoption that school policies weren't set up to accommodate.)
I returned to the pediatrician's office
two times. The first time they reassured me she was ok. The school sent me back. The second time our pediatrician wasn't in the office, but they checked with more doctors and nurses and concluded the same thing. Our daughter was healthy. If there were to be an outbreak of something, she would be as healthy as any other immunized American citizen walking through the doors of her elementary school...but just to be sure they'd check again with our pediatrician when he returned the following day.
I explained the reasoning to the school. The answer remained that our only two choices were to give her a booster or complete an exemption. Long story short, filing an exemption means you are saying you choose not to have your child vaccinated, and if there were any type of outbreak, students with exemptions on file would not be allowed to attend school. Period. It's the policy. Meanwhile we heard back from our pediatrician's office. The conclusion (once again supported by our pediatrician) was that Gabby is as immunized as she could possibly be. She does not require further immunizations at this point. A 12 year old booster (she's 10, mind you) would possibly substitute for the immunization the school was requiring, but even the nurse on the phone with me questioned the reasoning behind a school requirement that superseded what was medically necessary and didn't allow for exceptions.
Also that day, Tim had been to the county health department and discovered that in order to do an exemption, he couldn't just say she was exempt from that particular vaccination, but had to check all vaccinations, meaning we basically have a piece of paper on file with the school stating we refuse to immunize our child. (Again, never mind that a doctor has reviewed her situation multiple times and feels she's as immunized as she can be...and that governments of two countries who allowed her to immigrate for the purpose of adoption feel she has also met their requirements.)
How do not-so-complicated problems turn so complicated?
We had unwillingly been placed in a category of non-compliant parents (you obviously know how I feel about vaccinations from that statement) just to satisfy a policy that wasn't set up to accommodate a rare exception that was an extension of the already traumatic and chaotic existence of one very amazing, very innocent international adoptee. It just felt like compassion and reason were lost...policies won out over people.
At the end of the day, I asked myself all the questions that could have calmed my mama bear brain: What are the odds there would be any kind of outbreak? Does it really matter? Why I care so much? Should I just give her the booster early? (We were told this could possibly lead to other record keeping complications later when it's time for her middle school vaccinations...) But my mama bear brain is still feeling restless.
I guess I care because she's a child...an innocent being who doesn't have a voice. She didn't ask to be traumatized, orphaned, traumatized again, go through multiple losses, changes in culture, changes in languages, or changes in lifestyle. She just wants to live an ordinary existence, which in my mind doesn't mean placing her in an "exempt" category that could potentially mean she wouldn't attend school with peers. Even though the likelihood of that is probably rare, that should not be something she (or we) need to worry about.
So we'll keep working to find an alternative to being non-compliant, non-immunizing parents to a child who by all reasonable medical standards is healthy and immunized... (Sigh.)
Meanwhile, this is a good opportunity to share resources I've been meaning to post all month. Information is power when it comes to adoption awareness and dealing with adoption issues, and I've pooled together a list of my favorite resources.
Enjoy...and if you're ever in a position where compassion and reason could win out over policy, choose compassion. (Also remember to check back through the month to view more profiles of amazing people whose lives have been touched by adoption.)
Resources:
NACAC North American Council on Adoptable Children: Information on adoption, everything from beginning the adoption process to information about funding adoptions, and resources for families following adoption
Foster/Adopt Community Articles, links, state requirements and links, and training on helping children with difficult histories
National Foster/Adopt listings and information Links to articles for adoptive parents, adoptees, foster parents, and professionals (and my favorite...the
meet the children tab profiling hundreds of children available for adoption)
Child Welfare Information Gateway National database of information, resources, research, laws, and advocacy information, including support and information on family preservation
Adoptive Families Link to Adoptive Families communities, magazine, online information and articles, links to agencies, and links to adoption stories and photos
International Adoption Joint Council on International Children's Services: Information about international adoption by country, country adoption news and updates, advocacy for international adoption professional guidelines and accreditation
Adoption Learning Partners Online courses and information for pre- and post-adoptive families and professionals. Online courses are offered to meet Hague requirements for adoption. Check with your adoption agency or caseworker to see if courses meet international or foster care training requirements.
Adoption Health Services Children who are adopted often come with complex medical backgrounds, and it isn't always possible to obtain necessary medical history. Adoption service providers will look at records, videos, and photos prior to adoption to help you become prepared to offer the best health care solutions possible to an adopted child.
EMK Press FREE 50 page resource on a wide variety of issues affecting couples and families pre and post adoption.
Choosing Adoption After Infertility Great article about transitions and the mental shift from the infertility treatment process to the adoption process.
Resolving the Loss of Infertility How to move toward adoption and gain a healthy perspective about managing the ongoing feelings of the losses of infertility while looking forward to parenting a child through adoption.
Infertility and Adoption Links and resources that help guide families through issues of infertility, reproductive health, and adoption.
