Back on the Bottom Bunk...

Joie and Gabby have been sharing a room since last summer.  They're real-life frenemies.  I wish I could slip a recorder in their room one day just to get in on all the conversations they have.  I love that they can talk...and yell (but I don't love that part).

They take turns (odd/even nights) deciding if the door is open or shut, and turning off the light.  This was decided because of nightly arguments about the light and door.  Now it's peaceful.  Mostly.  Until somehow the other night it wasn't.  This is a real conversation that took place between them a few nights ago...

Keep in mind, I didn't hear the conversation until it escalated, at which point I heard something like this:

Joie:  Gabby!  You have to turn off the light.

Gabby:  If you want it off, you turn it off.

Joie:  No!  I had to turn it off when I was on the bottom bunk, so now you have to turn it off.

Gabby:  You're an idiot.

Me:  (in my best calm neutral, not-intervening in their argument voice)  Gabby, we don't call names.  You get an extra job.

Gabby:  No, wait.  Let me explain...  (Insert lengthy explanation of how Joie made her get off the top bunk to turn off the light so she was just doing the same thing.)

Me:  You two get to work that part out, but we don't call names.  (Somehow that made them both hate this family, because apparently being in a family where name calling was ok would have been sooooo much better right then.)

Fast forward an hour (really a few minutes, maybe even seconds, but I'm going for dramatic effect).

Gabby:  I'm sleeping with the light on.

Joie:  Well, I'm not.

Gabby:  Then turn it off yourself.

Joie:  I don't have to.

Silence.

Silence.

Silence.

Silence.

Silence.

Joie:  Gabby!  I said I wasn't turning off the light.

Silence.

Silence.

Silence.

Silence.

Silence.

Joie:  You're a big, fat idiot.

Me:  (Voice no longer so calm and neutral)  Joie!  What did I just say?!?  Now you have an extra job too.

Joie:  Mom!  That's not  fair!  You always listen to Gabby.  You always give her what she wants.

Gabby:  Ha!

Joie:  See?  She's such a baby.  Always.  Gets.  What.  She.  Wants.  

Me:  (attempting the calm, neutral voice again)  Joie, I know you don't want more jobs.  No name calling.  (And so on, and so on, and so on...)

At some point I got frustrated and gave up on not getting involved in the argument.

Me:  You have two minutes to turn off the light.  If it's not off in two minutes, I'm taking out the
lightbulb and you won't even have a light.

Light was turned out.  End of story.  Joie even got off the top bunk to do it.

End of commentary...on to the real story.

They switched Gabby back to bottom bunk at my request.  My Gabby girl hasn't been sleeping very well.  She's having nightmares again, so I've been doing essential oils with her at bedtime to help her sleep.  (Yes, we've jumped on the essential oils bandwagon.)  I told her it would be easier to rub them on her feet if she was on the bottom bunk.  The next day they switched.  (Exhibit A of how they also can work together.)

Tonight Gabby said, "Mommy, read me a story.  It doesn't have to be a chapter book.  Just a short book."  

And can you believe I said no?  But that was at first, before I had the thought a few seconds later that one day my house would be quiet at night, with no one asking me to read them a story, so I did.

I read her the story of her adoption day, and she loved it.  Especially the part about doing push-ups in the court house withe dad while we waited, and the part about the sibling slumber party in the living room that night.

And I'm writing it all down so someday when my house is quiet, I'll remember those little voices who needed me.  I'm sure I'll still wish they were here.  I need to remember that on those busy, do-ing kind of days.

Mom, Why Aren't You Blogging Anymore?

For some reason, the subject of our family blog has been a topic of conversation around our house lately...

And then the question:  Mom, why aren't you blogging anymore?  

To which I reply...  (sound of crickets chirping)

At one point, it was just because my health was horrible and I just didn't have it in me, but I honestly don't have a good reason anymore.  Illness has passed...  Health is returning...  The catch up game is calming down...  

So here I go again.  For real.  

When our children were younger, I kept a family journal.  When I figured out blogging, this became our family journal.  When our children were younger, they liked reading out of our family journal.  Mostly, it made us laugh.  It was also fun to see the growth and changes.  I know they all check our blog, even now that they're older, but I didn't know they missed it.   

So for the updates: 

Nate:  Knee injury, which I think I may have already mentioned...  Healing...  Not healing...  Surgery...  No Surgery...  And then finally, surgery today.  I promised I wouldn't post the requisite hospital gown pics, even though he was just sitting in bed waiting to go into surgery when I snapped the photo.  Actually, he did say I could include the picture, but I think he also said I'd have to pay him $50.00 or something like that.  He told Tim $10.00.  Sheesh!  Does he think he's a movie star?  The picture posted was actually one I took of him right after his injury--back in December. As far as I know, there are no royalties imposed for that picture.

But about the surgery:  It was torn cartilage...and a piece of cartilage floating around in his knee.  The pain around his ACL was actually a ganglion cyst on the bone near his ACL, which they don't do much about unless it is specifically causing pain.  There was also some other inflammation and signs of a pretty traumatic knee injury that was trying to heal.  They'll start physical therapy again in a few weeks.

Meanwhile, he hopes every day we find a car for him to drive...  We're looking.  We may have found something.  I hope so.  (But he can't drive for a few weeks anyway, so the pressure is off for now.)

He's also got a job now.  He works at Arctic Circle.  In his own words, "I'm Sponge Bob,"  (which really means he's a fry cook).  The newness of the job wore off enough for him to brave just one more interview at an auto mechanic shop, which is perfect for Nate.  It sounds like he got the job, so he may be moving up from Sponge Bob to...not sure which character I should insert here, but picture someone helping out around a mechanic shop...cleaning up, running errands, changing oil, etc.  That's his new gig.

Megan:  In a word, "sports."  And singing.  And friends.  But mostly sports.  Basketball season is over, but she wanted to make it longer, and wishes there was enough time to have eternal soccer and basketball seasons.  Soccer has started with the first two games being cancelled, third being played in the rain, followed by a week of coughing and sore throat, and another game scheduled to play in the rain/snow tomorrow.   She loves her comp team, but has outgrown them, which means a lot of team try-outs in the near future.  She's awesome.

And friends...  She'd probably also do that 24/7 if she could.  I love that this girl doesn't ever get sucked into the drama of teen life.  

And singing...  I think we're the only carpool where the ukelele is preferred to the radio.  (Some days it's both, but usually that makes the driver (moi) a bit nuts so we try to limit ourselves to one music source at a time.)  Megan and her BFF who carpools with us both love to sing, and now they both have ukeleles.  It's a sing-along carpool.  Mostly everyone else is ok with that.  

At home she sings too.  All the time.  Most parents threaten to take away iPods or phones if kids don't do homework or chores, but with Megan I have to take away the ukelele.  (Although she did go through some minor withdrawal symptoms when she left her iPod on the game bus one day and couldn't find it until the next week.)

And she loves photography (see above self-portriat).  She is saving for an expensive camera.  She's almost there.  Go Megan!

And she said something really amazing today, and made my day.  She said all her friends say their parents don't listen to them, and she told them she can talk to her parents.  (Huge smile.)  She also said, "Yeah,  my mom's a therapist."  Apparently you need a degree to talk to kids.  (Tim is just awesome enough to do it without a degree.) 

Jeran:  Just to explain the picture...  Jeran has had some asthma problems this winter.  We thought asthma was behind him, but over the last year and a half it's back.  Usually he's ok, but he got a cold that kept him from going camping over spring break with the scouts...  Apparently breathing is that important.  Later that day we ended up in the doctor's office getting a nebulizer treatment, which he hasn't had since he was about 2 years old, and didn't remember at all.  When the nurse gave him the tube that was spewing funky nebulizer mist, he looked at me and said, "Mom, this doesn't feel legal."  Yes, he's that funny all the time.

He actually left earlier today for a speech festival.  They're staying in Cedar City overnight.  He's in a play next week...The Importance of Being Earnest.  He's the butler.  And he needs a tuxedo shirt and bow tie.  I found a bow tie on Amazon, but I don't want to pay for a tuxedo shirt.  Anyone have one we can borrow?

This kid is constantly a whirlwind of activity.  If it's  not something with school, it's friends.  And he has awesome friends.  One day earlier this year, I was going into the high school with my arms full.  Instantly, three students rushed the doors and held them open for me.  They were Jeran's friends.

He's also into all things geek.  But he's not a geek.  (Really, he's not.)  But he can't wait for next weeks release of Iron Man 3.  I think he has tickets for the midnight showing when it's released.

He's taller than me and stronger than me and smarter than me and he knows it.  And he's great at getting things done so he has time for friends and fun...  And I'm sure he thinks Nate is a better chauffeur than Tim or I because Nate will stop anywhere.  I know there are stories upon stories I don't even know about their time together...just between brothers I guess.  I hope one day they'll tell me (someday when removing privileges is no longer an option).  Meanwhile, I just tell myself that they're just kidding and that really there is nothing that happens on their outings that they wouldn't share with me, because it makes me feel better when I tell myself that.  And "in my world everyone's a pony and they all eat rainbows and poop butterflies."  (credit:  Dr. Seuss)

Joie:  Once upon a time there was a mom who was happy with three beautiful children.  Then unexpectedly one day, a little girl who knew hurt and loneliness beyond belief came into that mom's life, and showed her the joy of living (joie de vivre).  That girl is Joie.  (The picture is her with her cousin, Kedric, who is named after Joie's dad.)

She was also in a play at school.  She was a patient in an insane asylum who thought she was in an army.  She got to dress in camouflage and carry a fake weapon.  (Yes, even in school...  Don't tell anyone.)

And here's a really funny story.  Joie is fearless.  That's F-e-a-r-l-e-s-s with a capital F.  And flirty.  Also with a capital F.  On second thought, I won't tell the story.  (But if you ask, I'll tell you.)  But the other funny part of the story was this...  A few days after she was gutsy and fearless and asked a guy to be her Valentine, Tim was driving the kids to school and stopped at the store for donuts (because he's cool and awesome like that...insert picture of upset mom).  Joie's valentine was also at the store.  Tim rolled down the window and called his name.  Yes, really.  Because he's gutsy and fearless like Joie, but it turns out when dad is being gutsy and fearless, children are usually embarrassed and humiliated.  Ok, maybe not humiliated, but embarrassed.  And possibly he lost a few cool and awesome points also.

Other amazing things this girls does:  She's a brainiac.  The straight A kind of brainiac.  And she recently started Tae Kwon Do.  Her older cousin, Adrienne, was here for the week over spring break.  She knew of a gym through a friend here in Utah where she could attend training/workouts for a week. They let Joie and Gabby join with Adrienne, and they got hooked.  She broke boards last week.  Don't mess with her. And another funny story...  Son of the TKD master goes to Joie's school and had just been hitting on Joie and her friend.  He walked into the gym one day toward the end of a workout, and was probably super surprised to see her there.  (And I thought of all kinds of things I wanted to say to him, but didn't.)

And she's a good person.  She recently had a friend tell her she was too happy.  Life isn't without challenges, for sure.  There are still moments of missing the people who loved her before this little girl came into our life, but she knows genuine happiness also.  She is strong, and a good friend who listens and understands.  I told her tonight when we were talking about girl drama, "You don't sweat the small stuff because you know there are bigger problems in the world."  And it's true (unless the small stuff is with siblings.  She still knows how to push those buttons.)

Gabby:  This picture is for Grandma Campbell.  She is wrapped in a baby blanket made by grandma.  My mom made blankets for all our kids when they were babies.  Recently she realized she didn't get to do this for Gabby, or for two other grand children who were adopted from foster care by my sister.  She asked them about colors and styles, and a few weeks later, the blankets came in the mail.  Apparently Grandma blankets bring joy at all ages.  I tried to get her to save them somewhere special for her kids, but for now, they're her reading blankets in her room.

And she's caught up almost completely in school.  She pushes herself every day.  She never misses homework, and I don't have to remind her.  She wants to be a doctor when she grows up, or play professional soccer.  She and a friend recently made their life plan:  Live together when they go to college, and play soccer in college, then be professional soccer players, then doctors.  And never get married.

And she rocks at soccer, and being a friend.  Gabby got sucked into some friend drama at school this year, and it's been tuff, but she's a smart girl, and doesn't let it happen anymore.  (Can I just say I'm so glad the being a friend trait seems to run through my girls...huge sigh of relief.)  Her teacher and other adults identify her as a leader in groups.  Charisma defines this girl.

She's been busy lately, but keeps up.  We usually say only one activity at a time for the kids, but Tae Kwon Do came knocking right after she signed up for soccer, and she does it all.  And she still goes to ESL (English Second Language) tutoring four hours a week.  One day this week she went from soccer to TKD with less than 20 minutes in between, and did chores and homework too.  We decided next soccer season we'll suspend TKD for a few months. She might be able to keep up, but it wears me out!

Since school started last fall, Gabby has been remembering a lot of details about her life in India that I've never heard before.  I can see her get stirred up once in a while, and know there is something in her mind ready to break free from where ever she's kept it stored before now... Details of her mom's death.  Details of how she handled that loss, and how her brother handled that loss.  Details of what her mom taught her before she died.  Details of how she got here...and so much more.  That's a lot of remembering, which isn't easy.  A few months ago I started reading "The Whole Brain Child," by Daniel Siegel (great book, by the way), and just this week attended a conference where he presented.  The key of "integration" is the main concept of his book (both within the brain, and in relationships and life).  Gabby is integration, because when she isn't, she pushes herself to make meaning out of her many, many stories of hurt and loss.  She inspires me to be a better person.

In fact, all of them do.  I keep waiting for the proverbial "other foot" to drop in our teen world, but so far it hasn't.  I seriously love this time in their lives.  There is so much teen energy in this house that some days I think I could bottle it and sell it.  (Who wouldn't pay cash to feel the energy of teenagers?)  But for now I'll just breathe it in and soak it up, because it's the kind of energy that can't be bottled.  I know it will be gone in a blink, and as crazybusy as it gets most days, I'm glad I'm up to my eyeballs in it.  Wouldn't trade it for anything.

The Case of the Missing Chocolate Covered Cinnamon Bears

Have you ever had these things?  They're addictive!  Seriously...  

Try to eat just one.

We are no strangers to sports and school fundraisers this year.  In the past 6 months we have had 2 fundraisers for a local frozen yogurt place (buy one get one free cards), a fundraiser selling potatoes (huge Idaho Russets...just in time for Thanksgiving), a coupon book fundraiser, cookie dough, and a few others I'm sure I don't even remember.  We also had two fundraisers of selling all kinds of sweets...fun stuff that is overpriced, but very yummy so people will buy it.

Which brings us to chocolate covered cinnamon bears.  One of our neighbors bought some from Megan.  Megan delivered all the goodies except theirs, because they were out of town.  (Those would be the chocolate covered cinnamon bears.)  

And she naively left the tub of bears in the kitchen.  Right where everything is fair game.  Of course everyone wanted some.  I asked a few times whose they were.  No one answered.  One of the kids even said they were a Christmas present from dad.  And the boys said they were ours, that dad bought them from Megan in the fundraiser.  (Note to self:  Never believe hungry teens when it comes to claiming food.)  No one admits to opening them, but several of us might admit to enjoying them...

Needless to say, by the time the neighbors were home and Megan realized what had happened, it was too late.  We're hoping they accept a cute note and a treat...

(And no worries.  We're going with the you-eat-it, you-buy-it policy so they'll get their money back also.)

Seriously, with all those fundraisers, if this was our only delivery mishap, that's not so bad...

Unless you're our neighbors.

Sidenote:  Gabby graduated from NOVA today.  

Sidenote #2:  Nate went to an orthopedic specialist today and we found out it's his ACL that is torn.  When the swelling goes down in a few weeks, he'll have surgery.  Meanwhile he gets to wear his brace for a few more weeks, and is out of wrestling for the season...and probably spring sports as well.  His goal:  To take his driver's ed test and get his license before he has surgery.

It's Gabby Jarman Day

This is a picture taken of Gabby when we went to meet her in Omaha two years ago.  We went one week to meet her, and went back the next week to bring her home.

Today is officially Gabby Jarman Day--the anniversary of the day she became a part of the family two years ago.

I will never forget the feeling I had when we went to pick her up from school that day.  In that one moment, as we walked from the school to the car, we went from a family of 6 to a family of 7.  It's another one of those moments that is such a vivid picture in my mind, I could swear I've seen a picture of it somewhere, but no picture exists.

Can I tell you how much I love this girl?  I can't imagine our lives without her.  What a blessing she is to us!

For sure we're celebrating, although Gabby hasn't decided yet between pizza and Indian food.

And yesterday she told me, "I showered twice today so I wouldn't have to shower again tomorrow."  She was totally serious.  I guess she doesn't want to have to worry about a shower on her big day.

Sunday afternoon I read through the posts I wrote during the time we were preparing to adopt her, meeting her, and picking her up.  (Tears...but happy tears.)  I'll say it again.  I love this girl.  I love who she is.  I love that we get to share her life.  We are blessed.

See Gabby's adoption posts here.  (The order is most recent to oldest post...scroll back and start at the oldest post to get the story.)

In October (back when mono took over and I wasn't blogging much) we made a trip back to Omaha to visit people Gabby loved before she came to our family...that story will follow soon (promise).

Today we celebrate!

I'm Declaring It Family Friday

The tragedy on my mind this afternoon is the same tragedy on everyone's mind...

As you all know, early this morning a gunman entered an elementary school and shot 26 people (20 kids).  His actions have left a lot of minds reeling today with questions about safety.

Personally, when I heard the news, I felt the same way I did on 9-11.  I couldn't wait to hug my kids this afternoon.  I wanted right then to go find them where ever they were at and wrap my protective parent arms around them and make sure nothing ever hurt them.  Ever.

My next thoughts were about our crazy morning.  There were too many things happening to fit into one day and it turned out to be one of those mornings.  (If you're a parent, you know what I mean.)

Nate was sporting crutches and a knee brace, courtesy of a wrestling injury that was really a cross country injury that hadn't healed and was re-injured, and I knew I needed to try to get him in to an orthopedic specialist sometime in the near future.

Megan had to be to school early to take a test, and Joie needed to leave with her to go to a study lab.

Gabby needed Mentos, Diet Coke, and Play Doh for a science experiment at school, and the two stores I had been to the night before didn't have Mentos, so I knew I'd be on some kind of mission that morning before work to find a store or gas station that stocked Mentos...

And Gabby was worried she wouldn't get what she needed for her experiment.

Jeran was rushing around trying to pack up the 30-something birdhouses he had made and was donating to Primary Children's Hospital for kids in the hospital to paint.

Tim, who was supposed to be getting ready to drive Jeran and the birdhouses to the hospital was on a cleaning frenzy, which stresses me out because if he cleans I feel like I have to clean and that just wasn't on my to-do list for today.

Somehow in the process of us arguing passionately discussing housecleaning, the topic of kids' chores came up and poor Gabby only heard which jobs hadn't been done, and didn't get much credit for all she had done.  I hate it when that happens, and I saw it on her face as soon as she heard it.

Never in a million years would I care more about a clean house than my children.  (I can offer a free tour of our messy house as Exhibit A in my defense.)  But that's the message Gabby got.

I also hate sending my kids to school upset.  I've been known to take the long way to school so we can talk, or park in the parking lot to finish a discussion, and even drop them off late on occasion just to make sure we don't part ways upset at each other.  It's funny what loss will do to you that way, and somewhere in the back of my mind there's always the thought that we can't part ways upset...  Call it residual grief or a life's lesson learned.  Either way, it's important to me.

Today was no different.  Gabby had stomped out the front door and was sitting on the porch.  I called her back in and we had a minute--just Mom, Dad, Gabby, and Jeran.  Gabby got to hear how much she was loved and even what an amazing hard worker she was (because she is), and in just a few minutes our priorities were re-adjusted and relationships became once again more important than a messy clean house.

Why do I share that?  Because today, like so many other parents, as soon as I heard the news, I thought of all those other parents who will never get to hug their kiddos again, and wondered what if...

What if that had been our school, in our town...students we knew and loved, or even one of our own children?  And I thought of our morning.

Then I thought of people I knew, and found myself sympathizing with comments on facebook about wanting to homeschool, and sending prayers and love to people affected by this tragedy...  All of us trying in every way like I was to make sense of senseless.

Then when school let out, I went to go pick up Gabby, and was relieved that (at least for now, until she starts hearing more about it) she was just happy with the goldfish crackers and apple juice I bought her for her snack before she went to tutoring.  She heard what happened and asked a few questions, but quickly moved on to other things.

And as difficult as it was to not want to listen to the news on the radio, I turned it down and once again it was just me and one of my kids, and all was right with the world.  Then I dropped her off at her tutoring class and fought the urge to disrupt normal and just keep her with me today.  (Sigh.)

Then later when I picked her up, she was chatting about her day and asking for "Little Cheesers Pizza" for dinner because "Little Cheesers" is next to her tutoring, and she can't not ask every time we leave.  It was all oh-so-normal.

And I was oh-so-thankful that things were oh-so-normal...

And the sadness of the day hit me again as I thought about those whose lives are anything but normal today, and whose arms will feel especially empty tonight.

I know Gabby will have questions as she hears more about it, and I know over the weekend we'll discuss it more so she gets to process it first before hearing it from her friends.  The other kids have had questions too, and have already talked about it with their friends.

Sadly, tragedy isn't new to our family, and I learned a long time ago you can't make sense of senseless.  I also know, more than I wish I knew, that I can't protect children from life (but that doesn't keep me from wishing I could, and even trying...because I'm a mom and I'm human).

At the same time, the lessons I've learned lead me like an old friend through helping me process this new tragedy with my children.  I know without even thinking that my need to process isn't theirs.  And I learned a long time ago that hiding my sadness and grief won't protect them, and letting my grief show gives them permission to do the same, even when what we're experiencing isn't the same.  And fear...  My fear isn't their fear, but how I handle my fear is a cue to them about how to handle their fear.

And that is why today, like every day, they will see me doing what I always do...breathing in...breathing out...driving crazy carpools, and dropping them off at tutoring and practices and bossing them around all evening as they do their chores.

And tonight, as luck would have it, no one has anything scheduled, so we're declaring it Family Friday, and watching "It's A Wonderful Life" together.  And what do you know...the teens aren't even protesting (at least not much).  Some days I guess we're all just a little more thankful for each other than others.

And an awesome Mr. Rogers quote shared today on facebook:  "When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, 'Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.' To this day, especially in times of 'disaster,' I remember my mother’s words, and I am always comforted by realizing that there are still so many helpers - so many caring people in this world."

Also some great resources about helping kids deal with tragedy can be found here.

Inspired by Nutella

Dear Self:  Should I be worried that the four food groups for my 11 year old daughter are Nutella, Nutella, Nutella, and Nutella?  It's just a phase, right?  Just an itty bitty, meaningless, normal, childhood phase.

Never mind that Nutella has twenty-one grams of sugar per serving.  After all, it's also loaded with protein.  Three whole grams.

And her little vegetarian self struggles to get enough protein.  So sugar soaked protein is ok, right?

And please, dear self, whatever you do, don't start googling nutrient content of her former favorite foods to compare (quinoa bean salad, for example, with over sixteen grams of protein per serving, and absolutely no sugar).

And never mind that she won't eat any of her favorite fruits and veggies...  (sigh)

And dear, dear self, if you do start obsessing about the above nutrient content facts, please remember:  This is not about food.  This is about a little girl having a need right now to explore the limits of her control...

And as with past food phases, she'll get over it, and once again start requesting those healthy favorites...

Meanwhile, self, what's a little hazelnut wrapped in sugar and a little artificial flavoring.  It's nothing, really.  And she does eat it with whole wheat bread...sometimes.

Just remember self, that you're growing a whole person, and her heart sometimes needs to be in charge so it can catch up with her body.

That's all.  Nothing more.

So let it happen, and stop googling nutrition facts.  Her heart is thriving.

Sincerely, Me

Apparently You Can Get Mono Twice

 No wonder I'm so exhausted.

And this sore throat that feels like strep comes and goes and won't go away!

And those days where I'm achy and feverish...

I just thought I must be getting every cold that is going around this fall, but apparently it's one really, really long virus.

But life goes on.  Ibuprofen and Airborne are my friends, because I feel better and function better when they're my friends.

And as long as you don't kiss me or drink out of my water bottle, you should be fine.

And some fun news...

We're excited to be going back to Omaha next week to visit Gabby's sister and former friends, fantastic foster mom, etc...

Meanwhile, enjoy the fall pictures.

Joie was ticked that we had to go see the "stupid fall leaves."

Great picture.  In reality she was running away from the camera.

Then she got into the whole idea of Hunger Games and suddenly the fall leaves weren't stupid anymore.

Then

Something about rugby conditioning...
He packs her around a lot lately, and obviously, she doesn't mind.

They  hiked up from the clearing below where Jeran somehow got them to sit and just take it all in and create a mental picture of their visit to the mountains.  They had a Walden Pond moment.

You would not believe how hard it was to convince Nate to join a family picture.
(Not like you couldn't tell from the look on his face.)

Catching some Z's

Exhausted but relaxed would be how I felt last night.  It's been so long since I've slept like that...

Last thing I remember: Watching Olympic BMX with the kids after a date with Tim.

Next thing I remember: Waking up on the couch with a blanket over me, dog laying on top of me, with Gabby asleep on the other couch.  (Apparently we were having a mommy-daughter-doggie sleepover, or so I was told.)

How I know I must have been tired:  1) I fell asleep before anyone else in the house.  2) There was a dog sleeping on me.  3) I don't remember anything that happened between BMX and waking up with a dog and a blanket on me.

Ahhhhhhhh...  Zzzzzzzzzzzz...

Eleven...

Every day we get to spend with Gabby is a gift.  Last night when we drove to Juniper to visit Nate, we took a few minutes to blow out candles with Gabby.  She is not a fan of cake, so she wanted a "watermelon cake."  

Happy Birthday Gabby Girl!

And when I say every day is a gift, I mean Gift, as in huge, out-of-our-hands, amazing Gift.

Sometimes I wonder how in the world we ever got to share our lives with this incredible girl.  Certainly the real-life series of unfortunate events that brought her here don't escape our attention.

She could still be surviving on the streets of India.

Really.

And she could have ended up anywhere...

But she's didn't end up just anywhere.  She's here.  

And we love her and love every day she makes us laugh and shares her amazing insights on life.  There's a lot of wisdom packed in this one little girl.

Did I say we love her?  (Jeran left at 6:00 a.m. for scout camp, but is coming home tonight to celebrate and go back again...  And before he left he came back inside and said, "Can you tell Gabby Happy Birthday for me, since I won't see her until tonight?"  Awwwwww.....  I'll have to remind myself of that next time they're fighting.)

All Gabby wanted for her birthday this year was a Real Salt Lake jersey and jacket, which she got, along with a ticket to an RSL game, which she's hoping to cash in soon.

And we got an ice cream cake tonight, because even though she doesn't like cake, she does like ice cream, and as much as she loves watermelon cake, she wasn't sure about watermelon cake two days in a row.

Happy Birthday Gabby!

Politics According to Gabby

This week Megan, Joie, and Jeran are all at church camps, and with Nate on the farm, our Gabby-girl has become an only child.  To be honest, she prefers a sibling pack.  She misses her brothers and sisters!  (Side note:  Last weekend when her cousins were visiting, she arranged to go home with them for the week so she wouldn't have to be alone "with just my parents.")

We've actually had a lot of fun Mom-Gabby time this week, which to her great displeasure, included running a few errands the other day.  We heard a political news snippet on the radio while driving around and Gabby said, "Mom, you & Dad should go for president. You'd be good at it."  I was a little surprised, but curious, so I had to ask, "What would make us good Presidents?"  And of course her reply made me laugh (because that's just how she is).  She said, "Because you're kind, and nice... And you guys are great bosses!"


That's a compliment...  I think.

Today she is hanging out with a friend, and getting a break from this all-adult world she's been in since Tuesday...which has included swimming, cooking with Mom, movie with Mom, crafts with Mom, hanging out with Dad, and going to her Indian dance class with Dad.  This afternoon we made some of Gabby's favorite food, and tonight we go on a Dad-Mom-Gabby date.  (And she slept in Megan's bed all week because she misses Megan.)  Tomorrow the siblings return.  I think I'll take a nap.  Single-handedly entertaining Gabby is hard work!

Power Kicker

 Trust me...  It's hard to find a more powerful kick than the one in these feet!

In her 3rd soccer season since she's been in our family, Gabby was on fire!  She scored a total of 7 goals (I think...we kind of lost track.)  And if she kicks, you better back up.  One time one of the other coaches kept telling his girls, "You better back up!  That one has a leg!"

There she is...SHE ROCKS!

Tonight was her final game of the season and she scored on a kick from mid-field.  She's already sad that the season is over.  I think she needs a season in between seasons.  Can't wait for fall!

Go Gabby!

(Photos courtesy of Megan!)

Playing Catch-up

Life happens so fast!  I know I'll never catch up, but for a few of the bullet points...
Nate finished his soccer season...and he drives, a lot. I have to add that he drives mostly with Tim, because apparently I have PTSD after the whole garage door incident...

I always pictured myself as calm, cool, and collected teaching my kids to drive, but I'm struggling with this one.  He's a good driver (in spite of how the garage door looks), and I did drive with him the first time he drove on the freeway (from Snowville, Utah across the Utah/Idaho border to Juniper, Idaho.)  

(Photos by Megan...from the back seat)

...So I'm not exactly sure how I went from ok to scared about his driving.  For now I'm just ok letting Tim do it, but today I went along for the ride...

Baby steps for mom...or back hand springs, which ever comes first.  (See here for more about back hand springs.)

He'll be 16 in 10 days...  And to the adorable girls who keep texting him:  I'm that kind of parent who does random text checks, so "hey baby," and "morning hon" don't escape my eyes.  (I know, I know...  He's growing up...)

And Megan...star keeper of the Gladiators, musical genius, and friend extraordinaire...  Would it surprise you to hear that sweet Megan has perfected the art of eye rolling and irritated sigh when asked to do anything out of the above 3 preferred categories?  (Truth:  She's an amazing kid.  Amazing!  ...More on her later, I'm sure because she's got some big games coming as well as a spring concert.

Jeran just finished a school play (Twinderella).  He rocks as an actor...really puts his heart into it.  He even sang his solo (a few keys higher than planned because he's fighting the teen voice change).  He also recently cleaned the bathroom without being asked (it happened right after he heard that one of Megan's friends was spending the night while her mom was out of town).  Hmmmmm.....  I'm keeping that in mind for future motivation.

Bad photo...great play

Joie, Joie, Joie...  Love that girl!  She's singing all the time now, and babysitting and working hard on a project for church...more later for her too.

And my cute, cute Gabby girl!  She rocks at soccer.  You should see her kick...and she scored 3 goals in the last game (which at our house means 3 days without having to do jobs...we may be re-thinking that motivator).  It's amazing to see her so new to the game and really starting to get it.  She was good last year, but she's lost her fear and can really go for it this year.  I love her games.  And I love her heart even more.  She's a friend to all.  She thinks of the most amazing things, and loves to help others.  Oh, and her iTouch broke.  The screen cracked.  (Sniff, sniff, cheer!)  Did I really just say that?  Just kidding, Gabby!  And did you know she's also a make-up artist?

Make-up courtesy of Gabby

We also got a new faucet when ours exploded one day right as we were leaving to go to Idaho.  Still on the to-do/to buy list is floors, bathrooms, dryer, downstairs couches, garden, yard, laundry pile...and a new dryer which would help a lot with the laundry pile.  ...And a million other things that never get finished.

And remember earlier this month when I said I'd say more about the time the kids got to spend in Idaho with grandparents while Tim and I were in Oklahoma?  At this point that just isn't going to happen, but here's a link to my mom's blog for that week with some pictures.  (See here.)

Told you it happens fast.  Anyone have a slow motion button?

Parent/Neuroscientist

I've said before that I think parents are neuroscientists.  I'll try really hard not to be a geek while I'm talking about all of this, but I know for sure if I had another degree in me it would be in the field of neuroscience or occupational therapy (the sensory part, which is hugely connected to neuroscience).  Definitely what I know as a professional fuels the belief that parents are neuroscientists.  For years, I've been a fan of Dan Siegel, Bruce Perry (the link is to his organization), Allan Schore, and many others who have helped to merge the fields of neuroscience and psychology.  This week I was able to attend a conference featuring Bruce Perry's work with healing trauma and attachment problems.  I won't bore all of you with the neuroscience details...I saw Tim's eyes glaze over with mere mention of the title, "The Neurosequential Model of Therapeutics."  (But if you're as fascinated as I am with neuroscience, go to any of the above websites and you could get lost for days.)

Meanwhile, it stands true that parents are neuroscientists.  With the emergence of brain scanning technology, we are living in a time were we can see and document physical changes in the brain under the stresses of abuse, as well as changes related to lack of connection and attachment.  Likewise, we can also see changes that occur under the healing influence of relationships and attachments.

I knew all this when we said yes to bringing Gabby in our family.  Nothing in her story told me she couldn't heal as a human being.

After she had been with us for several weeks, I remember looking at her one night as she was talking to me, having the realization that her first mom loved her.  (I'm mom #6.)  I honestly don't know a lot about Mom #1, and she is no longer living.  Gabby shares a few stories and memories, but nothing that tells me anything significant...

But I feel like I know a little about Gabby's mom #1 because she left an imprint on Gabby's brain that speaks loudly (through the filter of what I know from the above named awesome neuroscience geeks).

The rest is history...a really difficult history which includes more trauma that most children won't even learn of until they're approaching adulthood...

All of which also left an imprint on her brain...

One she is aware of and responds to, but doesn't rule her life.

Meanwhile, I'm just thankful that "mom" is a good representation to her and not a negative one...

So when she gets the hiccups drinking out of mom's magic water bottle gets rid of them...

And when she doesn't want to eat but she's "starving" a peanut butter sandwich prepared by mom is the best food on the planet...

And so when she has nightmares we can pretend I'm there with her in the nightmare helping to keep her safe...along with dad, brothers and sisters.  We're super heros when it comes to fighting nightmares.

And so even when we all get stressed and upset at each other, we can be hugging 5 minutes later and know all is right with the world.

By Bruce Perry standards, the system that allowed her to love and form relationships was formed during the first few years of life.

Way to go Mom #1.  You have my love and gratitude.  Mom #1, the neuroscientist-parent from South India, succeeded in preparing her daughter's brain to survive in this world.  There is no greater gift.

(For a really fascinating video that explains all this see here...one of my long-time favorites.  The video is in sections.  Scroll down to view each section of the entire video.)

Are You My Mother?

When you've had so many mom figures in your life, what's one more?

One trait I admire in Gabby is her ability to find a solution in any given set of circumstances.  In spite of all she's experienced that would prove otherwise, she still believes in people and relationships.  I'm convinced that she has a keen sense about people, which I'm sure contributes to her resiliency.

Several weeks ago, on a Friday morning, I got a text from a neighbor:  "Can I sign Gabby's planner for her?"  (Her school uses planners to communicate with parents, and Gabby's is supposed to go back to school signed every Friday morning.)  I was carpooling high schoolers at the time, and out of desperation, she found a mommy substitute.

I was both amused and impressed.  I think of the number of times my other children have forgotten to have me sign a planner and just gone back to school without said planner signed...  Bummer for them.  No points.  Better luck next time.

But in true Gabby style, giving up was not an option.  If Plan A (get mom to sign planner) and Plan B (return to school with said planner unsigned) weren't options, she'd find a Plan C.

I called the neighbor back and we shared a good laugh that she would think of a neighbor as a planner-signing option.  "She can find a mom anywhere," I remember saying.

But really, is that such a bad thing?

Just Keep Swimming...

I read this quote this week:

"Missing someone isn't about how long it has been since you've seen them or the amount of time since you've talked.  It's about that very moment when you find yourself doing something and wishing they were right there by your side."  

That about says it all.  We miss Tim.  Every moment of every day.

I miss him because he's the other adult in my life...the other parent...the friend I talk to...the Type B to balance my Type A...the extra set of hands during our busy, busy evenings.

The kids miss him because he's dad...the fun...the energy...the Type B to balance mom's Type A...the extra set of hands that makes mom less stressed.

Two parents means possibilities.  It means support.  It means always having someone there.  Over the years, Tim and I have perfected tag-teaming.  We got really, really good at it when we had two infants and a two year old (and to think that I thought it would be easier when they got older).  As life marches forward, no matter what happens, if one of us is busy, the other one steps up.  If one of us is tired, the other one steps up.  If one of us is sad, overwhelmed, or just plain losing it, the other one steps up.  

When half of the tag team is gone, parenting is exhausting.  Nothing seems the same when one piece of the puzzle is missing.  

The kids feel it too.  Gabby occasionally gets physically ill if something is amiss in her life.  It seems like most of the time we can do what it takes to affirm that she's ok, and she starts doing better.  This week that didn't happen.  It was a beyond brutal week as far as afternoon/evening schedules, one in which tag-teaming instead of tagging would have made a huge difference.  The end result was Gabby feeling alone and neglected.  To make matters worse, one of her best friends recently moved, and another one of her best friends was out of town for the week.  On top of that, she gets stressed about birthdays, and birthday plans, surprises, etc.  Knowing what to expect is huge, and mom having a birthday that was celebrated with my family in Idaho, then celebrated before dad went out of town, then celebrated again on my birthday was all kinds of unpredictable.  (Albeit fun for me!  Anytime I get a birthday week I'll take it.)  

Gabby is actually getting good at recognizing when stress is making her sick, and told me it was coming.  Days ahead of time she had body aches, head aches, and stomach aches.  I did what I could between juggling acts to reassure her and give her the connection she needed to feel, but it wasn't enough.  There's only so much one busy parent can do...and my best wasn't enough (huge load of mom guilt...and a few tears).

Thursday when she called me from school and was feeling sick, I knew the nerves had won.  Sure enough, as soon as she got in the car she opened the door, leaned out, and threw up in the parking lot (minimal amount on the car).  

Friday morning I cancelled appointments and stayed home with her (she didn't have school that day anyway).  We hung out in our pajamas, cuddled, watched her favorite TV show, and talked.  She told me she knew her sickness was a stress sickness, but she couldn't stop it.  Through tears she said, "It seems like whenever dad is gone and you're not here.  It's like I don't have parents."  

Ouch.  

But worse than feeling the mom guilt was feeling helpless about being able to do anything about it.  I was doing all I could, but I was only one person, and it wasn't enough.

My solution?  Say no to everything that isn't absolutely necessary...easier said than done.  Megan and Jeran wanted to hang out with friends that night, and I felt bad for Gabby and Joie so we were shopping for project ideas at the craft store.  Jeran called after his activity to see if he could go to his friend's house for a late night.  After saying I wouldn't live in the car that evening, I was still living in my car, and knew I had to say no at some point.  I knew it, and I said it.  

"I'm sorry.  I just can't do it," I said.  I heard the disappointment in his voice, but knew we were only a few minutes away from where he needed to be picked up so we left the store to go meet him.  The look on his face and the tone of voice said it all.  He was disappointed, and in spite of my best efforts to explain my human limitations (like needing sleep and food), he remained disappointed.  

I couldn't win.  Once again, alone I wasn't enough.  As we drove home in a quiet car, I started to cry.  

I really, really wanted to go to Idaho this weekend to be with my parents and family again when my parents were talking in church about their mission, but as the day progressed nothing on the "to do" list was getting done, but somehow we were busy all day.  The soonest we could leave was 6:00 p.m.  It was either that or 6:00 a.m. Sunday morning.  

"Say no to everything that isn't absolutely necessary," came into my mind, but I ignored it.  For some reason in my crazed mind, 6 hours in a car with five children, two dogs, and no adult company when I was already very, very tired of driving everywhere sounded necessary.  My motivation was wanting to be with family.  If only I could click my magic heels...

As Saturday progressed, it looked more likely that we'd leave Sunday morning.  By this time I was praying, and asking God to help guide this crazed mind through the day and through the decision making process...

That evening Jeran and Megan were getting sore throats and colds.  In the wee hours of the morning, Jeran woke up wheezing with an asthma attack to accompany his cold.

Not going to Idaho.

Homesick.

Missing Tim.

Missing "normal."

Wishing my mommy super powers would just kick in and make it all better.

Then in the middle of a discussion with Joie tonight she told me she told her class today in church that her relationship with her mom "could be better" because her mom isn't home much.  (More mom guilt...more tears...)

Somehow I start again tomorrow morning at 6:00 a.m. (which will feel like 5:00 a.m. because of daylight savings time).

Nine more days until my other half is home.

All day I keep thinking of what Dory said to Marlin in Finding Nemo:  

"Do you know whatcha gotta do, when life gets you down?  Just keep swimming, just keep swimming.”

So I'm swimming, swimming, swimming...

(And maybe buying a few boxes of Girl Scout cookies...those looked really good the other day.)

Sports Summary

Just in case you were wondering about the outcome of this very intense tournament...

This amazing team took 2nd place...not bad!

I'm also happy to report that in the final game, no coaches were evicted, and the team whose fans and coach struggled with sportsmanship the day before actually didn't place in the tournament.

And #33 was amazing.  

Last spring one of the parents of Gabby's soccer teammates said they would get their daughter a dog if she scored 4 goals that season.  Of course Gabby thought that wasn't fair, and begged and begged for a pet for scoring goals.  Our compromise was a day without jobs for reaching their personal sports goal...which they're all very happy about.

As per our pre-game deal with Megan, she could get out of Saturday jobs if she scored 4 or more points in one of final games.  Saturday was a pretty laid back day for #33, and she earned it.

In other sports news...

How many hungry wrestlers can you fit at a table?

Apparently, Nate's team was going to find out (that would be Nate in the brown shirt).

At their final banquet to celebrate their season, the coach gave out food assignments of every type of food they weren't allowed to eat during the season.  

Hamburgers, chips, soda, desserts...  Let me tell you...These boys can put away food, and more than made up for any food that was off limits during the season.

And of course we think Nate rocks, and we've been so, so, so, so, so happy with his sports adventures this year...  But that's a post for another day.

And on Saturday the entire family attended Gabby's basketball game (because by the end of basketball tournament week, she was absolutely convinced we all loved Megan a whole lot more than we loved her).  She has been nervous to have everyone come watch her play, but in addition to learning basketball she is learning to handle the flare ups of sports jitters that attack her on occasion, and she was awesome!  I love how she is not afraid to jump into sports teams of girls who have been playing sports their entire lives, and pushes herself to develop skills and succeed.  It's no secret we think Gabby rocks!

I've said before I'm a farm girl, and one of the biggest lessons of growing up on a farm was that hard work yields results, and at the end of the day you feel accomplished.

Now that I'm raising my own children in the city, I love how music lessons, sports, and other achievements can do the same thing.  When they work hard, they grow as people, and I love watching them push themselves beyond what they thought they could do to achieve a goal.

Now soccer is around the corner again.  Nate and Megan have already started practices...

Are there trophies for parents who live on the sidelines?

Gabby Meets Grandpa and Grandma

Almost exactly one year and two months after joining our family, Gabby finally met her Grandpa and Grandma Campbell (and I didn't even get a picture).

When we adopted Gabby, Grandpa and Grandma were almost one year into a two year mission for the LDS church in Orlando, Florida.  (See more about missions here.)  While they've been gone, seven grandchildren have been added to the family, and in the past several weeks they've travelled across the United States visiting their children and grandchildren.  We're the last stop before home.

On their way north, Grandpa and Grandma wanted to stop first in Cedar Fort, to visit the graves of Joie's family.  We decided to meet them there, and actually arrived about 20 minutes before they did.  Joie wanted to walk down to her old elementary school while we were waiting...the school she went to before her family died.  She and I visited the school.  ("It used to seem so big," she told me, as she remembered her time at her old school, and she told me how she got in trouble because she used to skip breakfast at home and get school breakfast...something her mom discovered when her lunch account was quickly vanishing.  "That's how I learned you have to pay for lunch," she said.)

We were walking back to the cemetery and talking about her memories of Cedar Fort when we heard a car pull up behind us and stepped off the road.  They didn't recognize us and we didn't know it was them until they passed...  Apparently Joie is a lot taller than she was last time they saw her.  So that was the place of our first reunion after two years--on the side of the road in Cedar Fort, Utah.

Gabby met them with only a wave at first, then ran off to play with a dog that had wandered over to the cemetery.  Of course she warmed up more as the evening went on, and after a few hours she couldn't stop talking.  My favorite question of the day for Grandma, "Why do old people go on missions?"  (Mom, I don't think you ever answered that one...  You were kind of caught off guard by the "old people" part of the question.)

Today they'll go to church with us, then drive 2 1/2 hours north to Juniper, Idaho and be home for the first time in 2 years.

Welcome home, Mom and Dad!  We're happy to have you here.

Do As I Say, Not As I Do...

Guess who was Star Student this week?  

(Hint:  Her name starts with a "G" and ends with "abby".)

And I'm proud to report that with the exception of one brief brain lapse (see more about recent brain lapses here), I didn't forget anything all week.  (Never mind that the brain lapse happened the first day of the week...nothing an email reminder from her teacher couldn't repair.)  

But aside from that one brain lapse, the Start Student made it to school every day with requisite posters, show-and-tell items, and family members in tact on the appropriate days at the appropriate times.  

Friday (today) was the day for class treats.  From the beginning of the year, as a dedicated member of the PTA board (when I remember to show up to meetings), I've completely championed the idea of the new Healthy Kids campaign in our elementary school.  I even incorporated Healthy Kids into Red Ribbon Week to get it out there in front of parents, and to spread the word.  Then as rewards for the winners in our Red Ribbon Week contest, we involved the winning classes in a fun physical activity rather than a donut party.  I was gung-ho Healthy Kids all the way!

So when it was time for Gabby to take a classroom treat as Star Student, I decided to join the ranks of the dedicated parents who have chosen to substitute sugary snacks with a game or fun prizes rather than send students home from school all sugared up.

Best of intentions...

Enter the wild card...Gabby!  (Can't believe I just called my own daughter a wild card, but for those who know Gabby, it fits.)

We talked all week about possible fun prizes or fun activities with her class, but even after all my best efforts, Gabby just couldn't be swayed.  I was facing a life-sized parent dilemma:  Do I:  

a) let the Star Student be the Star Student and choose her own class treat?

b) use parent veto power and override the Star Student's main request for the week?

Also tugging at my heart was the idea of a girl who was star for a week, and got to call all the shots, who has missed out on the opportunity to be the star in her own life so many times before...times when adults didn't even protect her, let alone care about her choice of class treat on Star Student week.  What would a little sugar hurt?

I'm also a little embarrassed to add that my ego was playing a role in this decision.  The oldest daughter of the mom in charge of Healthy Kids is in Gabby's class.  There was a part of me that, in spite of my daughter being Star Student, wanted to push her to make a healthy choice just to save face.  (Yes, next I'll be starring in my own version of Desperate Housewives.)

The mom who values my child's independent spirit and new-found ability to learn to direct her own life won out.  Gabby and I walked through the front doors of the school this morning loaded down with bags of cookies and sugary drinks, all designated for consumption by one very excited 4th grade class...right past the principal...right past the front office...  I felt like I was smuggling contraband into the school.

I think my ego was showing again when I nervously tried explaining to Gabby's teacher why I was bringing sugar instead of a fun prize for the class...  I'm sure she doesn't care, but I felt the need to explain myself anyway.  When the words, "Gabby's choice" escaped my lips, I knew I didn't have to explain.  Her body language told me she knew the same independent minded girl I knew.  

Go Gabby!