Last Dance

I needed a reason to kick start me into blogging again, and trying to find a way to pay tribute to this adorable couple has done it for me.

Meet Ross and Darlene Moser, parents to my brother's wife, Melissa.  The first time I met them was at Ben and Melissa's wedding, and I will never forget this soft hearted dad shedding real tears as he talked about his baby girl marrying my brother.  

Over the years, as we've spent time with their family during family events, I've come to love this family of in-laws.  I'm not sure I know any of my other in-laws the way I know the Mosers, and that's because they want to be known.  They're genuine and real...and really fun, the kind of people you just feel comfortable around.  

Last year we were all sad to hear that Melissa's dad had been diagnosed with cancer in his foot, but it was unimaginable when, only a few months later, Melissa shared the news that her mom had cancer as well. Over their months of fighting cancer, I'd laugh and cry as I read Melissa's email updates...which were just as real as her family.

But the one thing that always stood out to me in Melissa's emails was the spirit of living life her parents continued to embrace.  Even on days when it seemed her parents felt their worst, there were memories being made with children and grand children.

A few months ago, Melissa sent out an email with the above picture attached.  (By that point, I'd learned to read Melissa's emails with tissue in hand.)  Of course the story behind this picture brought tears, but as always, Melissa's description had me smiling as well.  The family was having what her parents thought was a surprise party for her brother.  In Melissa's words, "As we were walking down the hall the band started to play.  It was awesome!  My Dad was really excited!  He kicked off his shoes (he didn't have his dancing shoes, so socks were better) and grabbed Mom and started dancing."

Melissa then described how, for the next hour as the band played, she and her siblings took turns dancing with their parents.

That was Ross and Darlene's last dance together.  Darlene passed away in January, and just yesterday, two months after his wife had died, Ross passed away as well.  It's bittersweet to think of them dancing together in each other's arms once again.  

When this picture popped up again on facebook yesterday, my mind filled with memories of times we spent with the Mosers, and how comfortable it always was to just sit and talk to Melissa's mom about anything...or nothing...or everything.  It just didn't seem like words or a card or flowers could honor the memory of this life-filled, love-filled family, and the battle they've been through this past year.

Then it hit me...  Random Acts of Kindness.  We already have the facebook page, and it just seemed appropriate to pay it forward once again in memory of Ross and Darlene Moser.

Please join us.  Forward this story.  Forward the link to the facebook page.  Tell your friends and family.  

Saturday, March 9th is Ross's funeral, and while friends and family are paying tribute to him, we will pay tribute to them by spreading random acts of kindness that day in their name.

Join us on facebook or comment here.  Share what you've done, or what you're doing, or how participating in another RAK day affected you...  We'll pass it on to the Mosers.

Ross and Darlene, you're missed.  Thank you for your inspiration and love (and for your amazing daughter, who is arguably the best thing that ever happened to my brother).  

Memories and Meaning Making

I don't know where to begin.  My heart if full of gratitude that helped us pay it forward today.  For all those who participated in Random Acts of Kindness:  Celebrating 5 years of Kindness, thank you, thank you, thank you.  Sometimes those words don't seem like enough, but it's all I have.

Thank you.

I've said before that we've always tried to make this day meaningful.  

I've explained before where the idea for Random Acts of Kindness came, and as always, it was a blessing to reach out--probably more of a blessing to us than to those who received Random Acts of Kindness (at least that's how I usually end up feeling).  I've asked people to share experiences, which I  have a hard time doing, because the anonymity of what happened is important to me.  I also encouraged the kids to just listen to their hearts through the day and act on feelings of kindness and helping others.  Isn't it an amazing feeling when you act on a impression, and it ends up being exactly what was needed?  It's the incredible nature of kindness. There is no end.

I'm not sure where the idea came from for watching the sunrise today.  Watching a sunrise with my kids was on my summer bucket list this year, and today seemed like a good day.  

The location?  Cedar Fort, home and burial place of Joie's family...about a 45 minute drive from our house.

I told the kids last night they could go if they wanted to go, but they didn't have to (and of course I added that we'd be stopping to get donuts for breakfast).  

By 5:00 a.m. we were all heading out the door.  

The Chevron by our house sells Krispy Kreme donuts...  What were they thinking not opening at 5:00 a.m. for us???  

Next stop, grocery store that sells fresh donuts...  Also not open.

We decided on donuts after the sunrise.  (Then saw a sign at another gas station on the way...  Donuts!  And chocolate milk.)

We made it to Cedar Fort before the sun.  Joie climbed out of the Durango first thing, and made herself comfy.  What a picture...more tears.

And everyone else did their best to get comfy too...

Megan and her BFF, Satori

I think he was having second thoughts...

Satori, Megan, and Jeran

Seriously...do you know any other family who is this comfortable at a cemetery?

Eventually Joie and Gabby decided on a better view...

Sitting on top of the Durango

All of Utah is smoky this year.  We haven't had many clear days because of all the wildfires.  The smoke made the sunrise bright red.

There is so much meaning in a sunrise, don't you think?  I thought of how we don't know what the day will bring, and how none of us know five years ago what that day would bring.

Mostly when I think of sunrises, I think of new beginnings.  New days are a gift--a chance to move forward.  

This afternoon we met family in Brigham City for the  Brigham City temple open house.  Brigham City is also close to where the accident took place.  It was the UHP office in Brigham City that got the call, and was on the scene taking care of all the details...  And with the  meaning of temples, families, and all, it just seemed like a good place to be today.

Becky, Larry & family; our family; my parents

And it was good to see this face again today...

Megan must have thought so too, because there are more pictures of Nate than anyone else on the camera.  (Nate has been back on the farm again for the past few weeks, and is finally home for the school year...and I only embarrassed him a little by hugging him in the parking lot when I saw him.)

Temple then fun (no pictures, but swimming and cousins are always a good combination).  And Jaci and her girls were kind enough to stop by when we were swimming.  Wish we lived closer!  It was so good to see them again for a few minutes.

And our day ended with a sunset...  Sunsets can be just as meaningful.

Yesterday Tim took the kids to lunch.  This was Joie's fortune in her cookie...  I love it when they're right.  

Support...  That's a good way to describe what we feel.  There's no way to ever pay forward all the kindness that comes our way, but it sure is good to try.  

Again, thank you, thank you, thank you.  

Wow

Wow.  That's all I really can say, and it isn't often I'm speechless.

Ok...  So I'm not really speechless, but close.

It has been an incredible gift to see this Random Acts of Kindness day spread.  I've had kindness on the brain all week.

Today I tried to get a picture in my mind of the world being filled with thousands of acts of kindness.

But it was the mental picture of people receiving these thousands of acts of kindness that brought tears to my eyes.  (And that was when I was speechless.)

I wish you all had the opportunity in your lifetime to get a Ruth hug.

Warmth.

And now that warmth gets to spread.

Thank you all.

Tomorrow morning I'm getting up before the crack of dawn to buy donuts and drive with whichever kiddos are willing (hence the donuts) to Cedar Fort to watch the sunrise.

And praying all day for opportunities to be kind.

Kind to my family...

Kind to those I come in contact with...

Easier said than done.  I posted this on our event page on facebook already, but for those who aren't on facebook:  Yesterday a woman pulled up beside me at a stop light and beeped her horn.  My first reaction in this random contact was a little guarded and defensive.  She motioned for me to roll down my window.  I did.  She told me my right brake light was out in back, and she just wanted me to know before I got a ticket.  I remember thinking as we all pulled away how my first reaction wasn't kind.  I expected something other than kindness, and my guard was up.

How did we get that way in our world?

I grew up in a rural area of Idaho.  (Hi, Juniper, Malta, Raft River, Elba, Almo, Sublett, Naff, Bridge...and all the other little spots on the map where I grew up.)  When we go there, my kiddos are intrigued with what we've started calling the "two finger Malta salute."  They notice that everywhere we drive, people drive with their hand on top of the steering wheel, then when we pass someone going the other way, they always raise two fingers in a sort of informal wave.  They think it's pretty cool that people do that.  It's quite a transformation for them to go from a world where we don't look at each other sitting in lines of traffic at stop lights to a place on the map where everyone acknowledges everyone.

One human being recognizing another.  Kindness.  Simple.  Random.  Human to human, making us all feel human and connected.

Pass it on.

Anytime.  Anywhere.  Anything.  Nothing is too small.  A smile.  A wave.  A kind word.  A phone call.  A helping hand.

I can't wait to hear the stories.

 (Comment here to share stories we can post later, or comment on our facebook page.  We can't wait to hear how this spreads...stories of kindness are already popping up there.)

Someone Hand Me a Tissue...

Joie wanted to use iMovie to make a video, so she took over my computer yesterday afternoon and has been busy since.       

This is the end result...

Someone hand me a tissue, please!  (No, wait...maybe the whole box of tissues.)

The Original Act of Kindness--Kinda Long But Worth Reading!

Jaci and Jearame Hawks will forever be heroes in the life of Joie (who is also DJ...aka Diana Jo Weaver Jarman...Joie.)  So often we've wondered how it is that they came to be right where they were on the afternoon of August 18, 2007.  It's a miracle.  Really...  Events that lead them to be in that very spot at that very time.  Literally, they were the hearts and hands of Ruth and Nick as they acted to protect Joie on the afternoon of the accident.

Because of their kindness, a little girl was not alone in her fear and suffering that day--the day the rest of her family lay lifeless at the side of a remote freeway in northern Utah.

Jaci told us later that their family had plans to go camping that day, but as the day unfolded, one thing after another got in the way of their plans.  Jeareme, who was fixing fence, got a flat tire, and instead of camping, they were working to get two vehicles home after repairing a flat.

As they drove across the overpass on a remote section of freeway near Howell, Utah, where they lived, they weren't prepared to see the cloud of dust and destruction in front of them.  At the same time they had been driving home, Ruth, Nick, Joie, and Audrey were driving to be with family in Idaho.  Without a warning, the tire on Ruth and Nick's truck blew, sending them into the median, and then into the path of an oncoming semi truck on the other side of the median.  The semi truck and what remained of their truck came to rest on the opposite side of the road.

For a week after the accident, that is all we knew.  We knew nothing of the kind family who had been there with Joie.  Our minds filled with images of Joie laying alone and helpless on the side of the road.  We didn't know what she had felt or heard or seen, or how long it took for help to arrive from the nearest hospital.

Then a letter came in the mail.  "We just wanted you to know we were there with DJ..."

With those words we came to know the Hawks family.

Jearame later told us that as he approached the scene, he knew instantly Ruth and Nick were dead.  He went to little Audrey's side, and she too was lifeless.  He then saw movement in the distance as Joie tried to sit up, and he ran to her side.  Later he told us he was at her side before the truck even stopped moving. Jaci started a DVD for her girls in their car and within minutes had joined Jearame.  Someone thought the truck was going to catch fire, so they moved Joie away from the scene, and comforted and soothed her in their own truck while they waited for the ambulance to arrive.  Passers by were slowing down and viewing the devastation and bodies at the side of the road, and Jaci and Jearame, acting out of love and respect for the parents of Joie, used blankets from their own truck to cover Ruth and Nick's bodies.

How is it that the very people who would be there that day were a couple almost the same age as Ruth and Nick, with little girls close to the same ages of Joie and Audrey?  "We just did what we would have done for our own girls," they told us.

But on that day, the little girl they held in their arms and comforted was a complete stranger.

And because two strangers who were passing by didn't hesitate to walk into that tragic and devastating scene, one little girl lived without the scars of being alone that day.  Because of their protecting love, she didn't see the horrific scene from which she had somehow escaped.  Because of their understanding of how to talk to her and soothe her, she remained calm until help arrived.  Because of them, what could have been horrific for Joie was cushioned in love and kindness.

Later the Highway Patrol told us that the accident scene was one of the most devastating they had seen in their careers, and certainly the trauma of that day didn't escape Jaci and Jearame.  I still reflect with tears of gratitude on scars they have carried forward into their lives because of having experienced that day.  They aren't ones to dwell on the scars, but they know, as do we, that some things you just don't forget.  But because they walked into tragedy with love, their actions have forever shaped the life of one little girl...

And the countless other family members who will forever be thankful that they were there when others who loved Joie couldn't be.

We can't begin to count the people who reached out during that difficult time.

Jearame and Jaci weren't the only ones who stopped.  We'll never know how many people were there helping that day.

Others called.

Others helped us all get where we needed to be.

Others took care of our children.  (I remember about two years after the accident talking to my children about where they had been those days I was at the hospital with Joie.  I didn't even know.  But they did, and they knew they were surrounded by warmth as well.)

Others took care of Ruth and Nick's house and their horses.

Others sent gifts and cards.

Others called and brought food to feed the small army of family members that had gathered at our house.

Others cheered us and made us laugh.

Others comforted us and held us while we cried.

Others took time to listen.

Others took time to help.

Joie's classmates made signs expressing their sadness at her loss that were hanging on fences as we pulled into the church for the funeral.

Others wore purple to the funeral in honor of a little girl who wanted everyone to wear something purple for her that day.

Others helped with logistics.

One neighbor made it a point to write down the names of my childrens' teachers when class lists were posted that week.

Everyone, everywhere was reaching out.

And because of those small acts of kindness, our loss was also cushioned in love.

And so it was that Random Acts of Kindness Day was born...

A fitting tribute to the lives of Ruth and Nick, who also lived their lives helping others.

A few weeks ago, our family was discussing the question, "What kind of life do we want to build as a family?"  (We're just making sure our teenagers have a lot of eye rolling practice.)  I was a little surprised they were all willing to take this discussion seriously.  Their answers wowed me, and reflected their personalities.  Joie's answer: "A meaningful life--even if it gets hard you can still find good."  

Jaci and Jearame will never know the end of the ripples of that act of kindness.  Joie grows up in the wake of those ripples.  We live in the wake of those ripples.

And who knew that those original random acts of kindness that comforted us in our loss would travel around the world?

But they have.

As of this post there are over 600 people attending our event via facebook, and hundreds of others who are joining us in other ways.

People are posting on the event page where they are from.  Japan, Germany, Hawaii, Marshall Islands, Belgium...states all over the United States.

We'd love to have you join in.

This afternoon my sister-in-law, Tawny, created a permanent facebook page that will remain where people can post their experiences of the Random Acts of Kindness day.  We will work on making responses and experiences of Random Acts of Kindness into a book.  (Please join us there as well.)

We've also added a tab to our blog specifically for Random Acts of Kindness posts.

Other ways to share:  Email, link to us on your blogs, pin this event on Pinterest...  Wow.  All for one little girl.

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Four Hundred Forty Four and Counting

Update:

Joie is home from Brighton Camp.

Nate is still in Juniper, helping out on the farm.

The rest of the family helped paint my new office today.

There is talk of a drive-in movie tonight.

I'm preparing for a presentation I'm giving next week for work.

And as of the time of this post, there are 444 people attending our Random Acts of Kindness Day:  Celebrating Five Years of Kindness event on facebook (see here).  Let's hear it for social media!  

In other news, Megan is selling cookie dough for her high school soccer team.  Anyone, anyone?  It's a measly $16.00 for a 2.7 ounce tub of cookie dough that makes 48 cookies.  See how easy that is?  Buy your own sugar induced coma for $16.00 a tub.  (If we start a facebook event page, do you think we can get 444 people to buy cookie dough?)  

And thank you, thank you, thank you again to everyone who is supporting us and spreading the word about this event (Random Acts of Kindness...not the cookie dough, although if you see Megan wandering your neighborhood, please open your door).

You all rock!

Worth Posting Twice

Last year, during our Random Acts of Kindness season, Joie created a smilebox and posted it to her blog.  I posted it last year, but it's so worth sharing again.

Click here and be awed by the amazing wisdom of a (then) 12 year old.

Want to join us for Random Acts of Kindness:  Celebrating 5 Years of Kindness?  It's easy.

• Mark your calendar for August 18th, 2012 and do something (nothing is too small) for someone else that day.
• Spread the word.  Get others to join you (see previous post).

Wow.  We can't thank you enough.

(For more on how Random Acts of Kindness has grown over the past five years see here.)

Random Acts of Kindness Day: Celebrating Five Years of Kindness

Random Acts of Kindness is an August tradition around here.

It's hard to believe we've been doing this for five years.  Tonight I read over my first Random Acts of Kindness post.  I remember well the feelings of the pressing weight of an upcoming anniversary none of us wanted to acknowledge, but couldn't forget.

I also remember the need to escape the weight of that grief.

Which lead to thinking of the kindness that had surrounded us during an incredibly tragic time...

And also thinking of the kindness that had been characteristic of the lives of Ruth and Nick.

And so it was that the idea for this day was born.

Once again, this year we ask all of you to join our family in commemorating the lives of our loved ones by celebrating kindness on the anniversary of their deaths--August 18th, 2012.

Each year this event grows.  Through facebook and blogs, people spread the word, and we've been amazed at the response as complete strangers join us in celebrating simple acts of kindness in honor of people we love.

Thank you, thank you, thank you for spreading the word...  Because really, what an awesome opportunity this is to practice kindness.

You can help us spread the word one of the following ways:

• Post a link to this blog post on your blog, facebook, or other social media site.
• Visit our facebook event page here and confirm that you are going to this event.  From there invite friends.
• Pin us on Pinterest.
• (Drag Mary into any other forms of social media/sharing that might be easy enough for her to learn)

Again, thank you, thank you, thank you.  You know that feeling of being surrounded by love when things are difficult?  We feel it every year.  We've felt it from the beginning.  That love and support has always been there when we need it.  We've never been alone.

I love to think that we can share that feeling with others.

(For more about the history of this day see Random Acts of Kindness.)

Inspired by Joie

Today I got a blog comment on a previous post where someone was commenting about a post they had seen about our Random Acts of Kindness on Joie's blog.

I know I sometimes frequently space things my children tell me, but I'm pretty sure Joie didn't tell me about this post because I only saw it for the first time today.  It was one of those moments I wished I was closer to a box of tissues.

Thanks, Joie, for the inspiration.  You're an amazing girl.  Take a look if you haven't already (link above).  Prepare to be inspired (the kind of inspiration that also comes with a kleenex warning).

Sunday Sharing

Growing up we were supposed to give inspirational quotes as part of a devotional to start our young women's church meetings.  Some quotes got recycled.  A lot.  They were the standby's.

One I remember being shared frequently was, "It's nice to be important but it's more important to be nice."  

(The fact that I remember it all these years later means maybe recycled quotes aren't that bad after all, right?)


At the same time, isn't it interesting how nice people become important?

On August 18th, we held our 4th Annual Random Acts of Kindness Day.  Through facebook the invitation spread, and was also shared via email, and blogs.  Some people shared with us what they did, and others shared how they were affected by this experience.  People did everything from public service to helping a neighbor.

Joie (who is growing into this tradition as she gets older) was excited for the first time this year about doing random acts of kindness that day.  That morning she fed the dogs and gave them fresh water, and watered all our (neglected) houseplants.  We had some happy dogs and happy plants around our house that day!

Than she spent the afternoon baking:

Yum!  That night we delivered the cookies to Gabby's piano teacher and her family.  The selection of the cookie recipient was kind of random.  Gabby wanted in on the kindness tradition, and Joie was willing to include her by giving the cookies to someone Gabby chose.  (Side note:  Scary how those two are cooperating these days.  They're even sharing a room now...verdict is still out on that one, but it was their choice.)

The morning after our RAK 4 day, Tim and I left for Seattle and the kids went to stay with cousins.  We arrived home two days later to find our kindness had unexpectedly been returned.  Gabby's piano teacher is a senior in high school and still lives at home.  Her mother has MS and suffers daily with symptoms.  In the past several years she has lost a lot of mobility, and struggles more with daily tasks.  That's not why they were chosen, but this woman's example of facing life with a smile is always contagious.  When we arrived home there was a kind note taped to our door from Gabby's piano teacher's family, thanking us for the cookies.  It was fun to come home to a personal note, and that particular act of kindness was humbling to me--that on the list of daily tasks of someone struggling with daily tasks was to write a note to a neighbor.  It was an example of the ripples of kindness.  

I call them ripples because it seems like kindness somehow takes on a life of it's own.  It spreads and grows, and even though it's seldom the intention, it ripples back.  Many comments about experiences that day reflected the same idea.

One woman posted on the invite wall on facebook and said, "I dont want to tell what I did, but more how I felt.  Doing something kind for another lifts our own burdens...  I needed the lift of serving others more than I needed the support of being served. I always find that in serving others, my worries become so very small. My heart has been glad all day, and any hiccups along todays path were seemingly small and insignificant. Today I smiled a little more, walked with a lift in my step, and had great peace in my heart as I found ways to share Unconditional Love in Action. Thank you for including me."

Our family's sincere thanks goes out to all those who participated in any way.  

I laughed at the idea of my brother and sister-in-law smiling at "the generally stoic Germans" just to watch them smile back.  

I was warmed at the idea of a mother including a daughter, and another mother talking about how the mood in her home changed when she looked for ways to be kind to her children.  

Someone else did temple service.

Other people shared with us their own stories of tragedy, and we found connections and friends and felt less alone.  Some people say they don't like others talking about their own experiences with grief when the topic is raised.  For me I've always felt oddly comforted by others sharing their own stories--it somehow signals strength and that we'll all be ok.  For those who shared, thank you!

One of my sisters climbed Pike's Peak that day with her husband (happy anniversary Esther and Phil!) and they smiled and encouraged other after they had reached the summit themselves.  If you've ever been a hiker encouraged by others who have already been to the top, you know what a welcome burst of energy that can provide!

Another sister offered to host extended family from out of town while they were traveling due to a family emergency.  She did so because she remembered another friend who had offered the same thing to her when she and her family were traveling to Utah after Ruth, Nick and Audrey died, and how comforting it felt to stay with friends during a time of crisis.

For me, the amazing part was that I didn't even think (that much) about our loss that day.  It certainly had weighed heavily on my mind in the days and weeks prior (bawled my eyes out with Joie the day before) but on that day, I was surprised how reaching out really did help.

Kindness in it's many forms is a gift that keeps on giving.  We have been blessed to share our day with so many of you, and look forward to more of the same next year!

4th Annual Random Acts of Kindness Day

We are blessed to have so many people are joining with our family in paying it forward this year with random acts of kindness.

I've said before that the heartache and loss of August 18th will always be with us, but our goal has been to make that day something that would honor Ruth, Nick and Audrey and and the many lives that have touched ours through this loss.  Thank you for helping us accomplish that!

Beginning with my first post about this day, I've shared stories of kindness that have touched our lives.

I can think of many, many, many others but on a day of kindness, I don't want to overlook the power of the seemingly small acts of kindness.

• I remember occasions where neighbors would call to invite Joie to play with friends, or call to take her on outings with their children.  Those moments were priceless in helping her to just be a kid and enjoy life, and also in helping her connect to a new family and new community.
• I remember people listening to me while I cried about the upheaval of our lives and the things we dealt with on a daily basis with the adjustments Joie and all our children were making.
• I remember other adults patiently listening to Joie when she wanted to talk about her family.
• I remember a package that arrived in the mail long after packages had stopped arriving in the mail from one of my cousins and her children.  It arrived at a really down moment on a really down day for Joie, and it helped to know someone cared and was thinking of her.
• I appreciated people who would remember our other children were also affected by this loss.
• I remember grandparents standing close enough to support, but far enough away to let us parent and connect with Joie in a way that would allow the parent-child bond to form.  That was wisdom in action.
• I remember people taking time to share stories and memories about their time with Ruth, Nick or Audrey.
• I remember people who were understanding in school or church when our children were struggling.

Those small things made a huge difference.

On August 18th (and in the days that follow) we would love to hear about your experiences helping us pay it forward with random acts of kindness.  Please share!  

Side note:  It's now almost August 18th and I'm starting with my first random act of kindness by staying up watching movies with Megan who just broke her nose playing night games...keeping her comfy and hydrated.  Pass the ibuprofen please!

Sunday Sharing

Just today Gabby came up to me when I was outside and said, "You know how I used to be able to skip 4 bars on the monkey bars?  Now I can only skip two or three."  Of course I had to know why.

"Because I slipped one day and almost fell," she said.  "Then there was that other time I did fall."  


But it was what she said next that was remarkable.  "I'm going to practice now so I can get it back," she said.

A while later she came in the house to show me her red hands, not to complain, but to show me how hard she'd been working, "and I almost got it," she said.

That's Gabby.  She is very real about life, both the fears and challenges, but she's all about pushing through to the goal.

Recently I read this quote:  "Chaos is inherent in all compounded things. Strive on with diligence." (Buddha)


I was interested in the word, "compounded," because I recognized it from another familiar quote: "For it must needs be, that there is an opposition in all things...Wherefore, all things must needs be a compound in one..."  (2 Nephi 2:11)


When I think of things being "compounded," I think of different things being combined, or things having more than one purpose.

So whether you call it opposition or chaos, both have a purpose, even a duel purpose.  In other words, it's not just about getting through, it's about getting through successfully.  It's about challenges bringing about growth and purpose.  It's about stormy days bringing lush, new growth.

Life is, by nature, compounded.  All the elements and forces and lives that come together on this planet create a very unique human condition for each individual.  All those elements and forces combine to create love, life, success, and amazing growth and progress.  They also create destruction, fear, pain, and failures.

The compound purpose is both challenge and growth because you can't have one without the other.  I'm impressed that at age 10 Gabby knows that.

As we've worked in the past year to bring Gabby into our family, and to become a family through all the changes, we certainly recognize the potential to view all this change as chaos.  Also, the closer we came to becoming a family, to actually finalizing Gabby's adoption, the more it seems the challenges have increased.  The past few months have been especially difficult.  There have been health challenges, work challenges, parenting challenges, and even financial challenges.

A few weeks ago, Tim and I felt our own relationship feeling the pressures of all the challenges.  In one of those, "What in the world is going on?" conversations that lasted several hours, we made decisions to refocus our energy on to what matters most:  our love, our faith, our family, our children, and our goal to take our family to the temple to have Gabby sealed to us.

The last few weeks have been very different--not without challenges, but with new purpose and focus that has kept us moving forward.  Some days when the purpose dims, and our hands are looking a little worn and red from trying, we follow Gabby's example and keep working, because, "We almost got it."

*********************

Tuesday, August 16th:  The day Gabby is sealed to our family forever and ever and ever!
Thursday, August 18th:  4th Annual Random Acts of Kindness Day

For more about LDS temples see here.
For more about the importance of families see here.
For more about our 4th Annual Random Acts of Kindness Day see here or here.

4th Annual Random Acts of Kindness Day

Today I'm being helped to spread the message of our 4th Annual Random Acts of Kindness Day.  Laura at Living A Big Story is sharing our story and our day with her readers.  For all of you joining you in this tradition, we thank you!

This year as we approach the anniversary of the deaths of Joie's family members, our family is also in a time of celebration with legally adding Gabby to our family, and preparing for her to be sealed to our family.  I can't help but think of the contrasts.  Then the more I thought of the contrast, the less of a contrast it became.  I'm thankful for eternal perspective, and the understanding that this moment in time is only a dot on the eternal timeline.

Actions and choices make up the content of our lives, and certainly as we celebrate the kindness of others, we celebrate the kindness that made up their lives.

Over the past few days I have been asking friends and family to share memories with me about how they have been beneficiaries of kindness through the lives of Ruth and Nick.  We will share some of these as well as acts of kindness we received from others following the loss of Joie's family.

• My mom shared how Ruth struggled to feel accepted and wanted in high school, but was a friend to all.  At her viewing, many people from her class came through the line commenting on how much Ruth's friendship had meant to them.
• Everyone shares stories of how Nick helped them with their computer problems.  Joie still calls her dad a geek, and remembers him always fixing someone's computer.  I remember him not only fixing computers, but talking to people while he fixed computers.  He cared about people and their lives, and it was his human touch that made others remember him.

We also remember acts of kindness from others:

• People who drove miles to come be by our sides at the hospital.
• Friends and neighbors who showed up at our door with food, gifts, hugs, and well-wishes.  I remember one neighbor in particular who had already brought a gift but showed up again a few days later with a bag of peaches from her tree.  A few years later my sister called me when one of her neighbors died.  We talked about the peaches.  It was one of the gifts I remember most.  In a situation that is completely helpless, people were just doing what they could to help out, and it was those small acts of connection and kindness we remembered.  (My sister ended up taking strawberries to her neighbor, and later her neighbor told her how much she appreciated my sister just stopping by.)
• One of my cousins also called, saying his wife, whose mother had died when she was younger, wanted to give Joie a necklace she had which had belonged to her mom.  It was one of those gifts that formed a connection between Joie and someone she had never met, and let her know, from someone else who knew, that she would be ok.

Switching gears...  Ruth also had a sense of humor.  After she died, we found evidence of her humor everywhere.  Among the many earthly possessions left behind by Ruth and Nick were their scriptures, which became treasures to Joie who loved to read the notes her parents wrote.  Inside the back cover of Ruth's scriptures was the following quote:  "A good deed is like wetting your pants in a dark suit.  No one notices, but it sure feels good!"

Only Ruth would write that in  her scriptures.

She also wrote that things we love "are best when shared with someone else."  

We are inviting all of you to share with us this gift of kindness by celebrating our 4th Annual Random Acts of Kindness Day on August 18th.  Kindness can happen with anyone, anytime, anywhere.  The goal is to spread kindness on that day in honor of the lives of Ruth, Nick and Audrey, and those who showed kindness to our family during our time of need.  

Now it's our turn to pass it on.

(See Joie's blog here for her smilebox creations about her family.)

Sunday Sharing

Kindness:  the state or quality of being kind; a kind act; kind behavior; a friendly feeling...

Outside of a definition, what does kindness mean to you?

When I think of kindness, I think of acting on a feeling of compassion, and I think of Jesus Christ, the best example of kindness.


"A new commandment I give unto you, That ye alove one another; as I have loved you, that ye also blove one another.


 By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have alove one to another."  (John 13 34-35)


I think of the kindness of extended family, neighbors and friends who have welcomed Gabby into our family and neighborhood.

I think of friends who stop to talk to us and ask us how we're doing and how they can help.

I think of kind words from people who take the time to comment on the positive.

I think of people who help, even when it isn't easy, or convenient...or sometimes even necessary.

I think of children who find ways to include other children in their play.

I think of so many, many examples...

My own life and view of kindness was forever changed almost four years ago, on August 18, 2007, on the day Joie lost her family.  I remember hearing accounts of that day, even from seasoned professionals-first responders who were on hand that day to help, who described that accident as one of the worst they'd seen in their careers...

Which always makes me think of the kindness of total strangers who rushed into that tragic and horrible scene to rescue one little girl.  Their names are Jaci and Jeareme Hawks, and I've written a little about them before, but words can't express how much it meant to our family and to Joie to have them there that day.

Because of them, Joie was shielded from the horrific scene around her.

Because of them, she was cradled in the loving arms of adults who knew what to do and say to help her through a very frightening experience.

A week later when we received a letter in the mail from Jaci telling us how they had been there on the scene with Joie, our hearts were filled with peace.  Our entire family (myself, my siblings, and mom and dad) had pictured her lying there helpless on the side of the road in the summer heat, wondering what she had seen and experienced in those long minutes before the ambulance arrived on that remote section of highway.  Many times during that first week I had sobbed uncontrollably at the thought of wanting to have been there to hold her and protect her from all that was around her.  It remains one of the most heart warming things in the world to me to know that the loving people around Joie that day acted in ways that were calming and reassuring to her, even in the midst of the most horrific thing many of them had ever experienced.

A year later, when it was time to commemorate that day in a way that would give it meaning, I felt the heaviness and darkness of grief settling in.  It was out of a need to rescue myself from those feelings that a tradition was born...

That year we celebrated our first Random Acts of Kindness Day on August 18, 2008.  We've kept the tradition going since then.  The last two years I've sent an invite on facebook and others have passed it on to their friends.  This year I'm posting it here again also.

Please join our family on August 18 in the 4th Annual Random Acts of Kindness Day.  Ruth and Nick (Joie's parents) were the kind of people who would drop anything to help a friend or reach out to others.  In their deaths, many reached out to our family, and to Joie in kindness.  We received gifts from all over the world that year for Joie and for our family.  People who didn't even know us were thinking of us, and acting on those feelings.

We invite everyone to join with us in celebrating this day. Practice random acts of kindness.  Little things do matter.  Smile at a stranger.  Let someone go first in line.  Listen to a friend...or a child.  Whatever kindness you choose, do it with purpose and mindfulness of the impact of kindness on the lives of others.  And in doing so you help us to honor the lives of Nick, Ruth, and Audrey Weaver, and those who reached out to us in kindness on that day (and to those who always reach out in kindness to others).

Feel free to pass it on!  Share this link to our Random Acts of Kindness challenge...

And in the next weeks, as I blog, I anticipate a lot of celebration over an adoption, and a sealing, and weddings...

I also anticipate moments of sadness, and tears of sorrow, because no matter how much we think we're over it, grief never really goes away, and something about the smells, and sights and sounds of August triggers all those feelings all over again...

But this year I'm going to try to throw in a few blogs during our busy upcoming weeks about kindness, leading up to our 4th Annual Random Acts of Kindness Day, to keep it on our minds and in front of us.

Thanks for the support!

Randon Acts of Kindness 2

Sometime late yesterday I started to feel August 18th, 2009 approaching. For weeks now there have been reminders--Joie's birthday, back to school shopping, all reminders of an anniversary we prepare for rather than look forward to, one we wish we could shut out but have pledged to never forget. Yesterday evening as I pulled into a store parking lot I could see the sun shining through the clouds, much like I imagine Ruth described seeing as she left the temple the night before they died. I ached like I do so many times to see Ruth, Nick and little Audrey again, to talk to them, to hear their laughter and voices.

I finished shopping. It was beginning to rain as I came out of the store and as is often the case with Utah rain, the sun was shining through the rain and I could see two rainbows that I could have sworn from where I was sitting ended right at my house. I thought of the promise associated with the rainbow--that no matter how difficult the storm there will always come a bright new day. (I know...not quite the way God said it to Noah, but that's how it's said in the book of Mary.)

And so we go, feeling the pain, feeling the promise, and it is the promise, not the pain that moves us forward. Once again this year I find myself thinking in terms of living in memory of Ruth, Nick and Audrey, quite frankly because that is how I get through the pain. A year ago, in honor of the lives of service lived by them, and by those who came so willingly to our sides to support us through the most difficult of times, we committed ourselves and anyone else who wanted to join us to performing random acts of kindness on August 18th in memory of Ruth, Nick and Audrey Weaver. Once again this year we invite everyone to join us in doing something to spread kindness, love, and compassion to others. Some examples posted in comments last year included helping friends, helping family members, babysitting for a friend, inviting a friend to play, writing a note to someone, offering to shop for someone, letting someone go in front of you in line for the grocery store...all wonderful ideas. Thank you for helping their memory to live on (and we'd love to hear what you do).

Random Acts of Kindness

Last night we were driving home from Logan and while the rest of the family was snoozing away the miles, I found myself thinking about today--August 18, 2008. I felt the feelings of loneliness and weight of memories of this difficult anniversary start to sink in. If I've learned anything in a year, it's knowing I can no more push those feelings away than I could stop the sun from rising. My next thought was about what it takes to sometimes move on from those really difficult feelings. This year when things are tuff, I've relied on the old adage of doing something nice for someone else. It reminds me that life goes on and reminds me that our world is filled with opportunities to live. With that thought, I remembered Ruth and Nick and what their lives stood for. They personified service. Nick and Ruth would drop what they were doing to run to the side of friends, family and neighbors in need. Then I thought of the hundreds and hundreds of acts of kindness we and other family members have received this year. Friends and complete strangers have reached out to Joie, to us, and to extended familiy members in an effort to support us through tuff times. This thought grew into an idea--a challenge for myself and others that would help us today and act as a memorial for the family members we lost. I found myself making a commitment to myself that no matter what else happens today, I will do something kind for someone else, in memory of Ruth Nick and Audrey. We, the Jarmans, challenge all of you to do something nice today for someone else. Listen to a friend, make your sister's bed, leave a note, send a card, bake some cookies. make a phone call...whatever you want to do...in memory of Ruth, Nick and Audrey. Reply back if you do this--we'd love to hear what people were able to do!