Lonely But Not Alone

I teach a class of 8-10 year old girls in primary.  I told them today they are never alone, and even when they think they're all alone, there will always be someone there, and we talked about how that is true in our lives.

Earlier today I was feeling lonely.  We were leaving to take some things to Ruth, Nick and Audrey's graves.

Tim was at work.

Extended family may as well have been a thousand miles away.

Teens and pre-teens (including Joie) were busy.  When I pushed Joie to get ready to go with me I was told...

"It's too cold..."

"I don't want to change..."

"I need to finish my report..."

Then finally, "In just a few more minutes, Mom!"

And of course once we were on our way, we were fine...me in my loneliness, and Joie seizing the opportunity for alone time...

She needs a white t-shirt for school on Tuesday.

Her class play is on Wednesday.

"And Mom, do people ever marry someone they knew in high school?  ...Or junior high?"  (Like that's not a loaded question!  Of course I wanted to jump in asking what his name was, but I didn't...at least not right away, but when we got around to it she wasn't shy to say...)

And before we knew it we were in Cedar Fort, and found that we really weren't alone.  My parents had already been to the graves a few days earlier on their way to Richfield and left flowers.  We added the flags and the frogs.  (Totally random on the frogs, I know.  Just go with it.)

Then there was this annoyingly cute beagle (emphasis on annoying) that bugs us whenever we're there, and wants to personally sniff inspect every thing we ever take to the cemetery...  There's a joke now that if we believed in reincarnation, the beagle would be Audrey.

Beagle...not looking so annoying here, but trust me!

Little by little, I wasn't feeling so lonely.  It was a good day for looking up, so I did...

Then I looked around me at the cemetery and saw all the other people who were there doing the same thing we were doing--paying tribute, and probably also doing their own share of looking up...

Then there was that song on the radio--a song from their funeral.  What are the chances that would happen right then?

Then that evening my parents stopped by on their way home from Richfield and we talked forever and ever about families, and love, and life.

Which probably made us all a little lonely.  (What we wouldn't give for a Ruth hug on days like today.)  But it felt a little good to remember and think about where we are now, and to think about what we do have.  We are blessed.

And not forgotten or far from our thoughts are those who give all so we can enjoy what we do enjoy.

Power Kicker

 Trust me...  It's hard to find a more powerful kick than the one in these feet!

In her 3rd soccer season since she's been in our family, Gabby was on fire!  She scored a total of 7 goals (I think...we kind of lost track.)  And if she kicks, you better back up.  One time one of the other coaches kept telling his girls, "You better back up!  That one has a leg!"

There she is...SHE ROCKS!

Tonight was her final game of the season and she scored on a kick from mid-field.  She's already sad that the season is over.  I think she needs a season in between seasons.  Can't wait for fall!

Go Gabby!

(Photos courtesy of Megan!)

To My Amazing Happy Girls, I Love You, I Do!

This afternoon was Joie and Megan's spring singing concert...actually them and about 30 other budding vocalists.  Great performances, all of them!  I'll be quiet now and let their performances speak for themselves...

Joie singing "Happy Girl" by Martina McBride:

...By the way, Joie had laryngitis this week, and has worked hard to preserve and restore those amazing pipes for today.  The most interesting home remedy we heard about...white bean sprout and lemon juice broth.  Anyone know where to get white bean sprouts?  We seriously would have tried it if we could have found them.

And now...the amazing Megan singing "I Love You, I Do" by Jennifer Hudson

And Megan's soccer team just finished their season last night with only 2 losses.  We'll take it!

Good job girls.  You rock!!!

Sixteen

Reality check:  I have a 16 year old.

What a ride!  Way back in the day when it was just me tagging around with him I was pretty sure nothing could have prepared me for the strange mix of awesomeness and stress that I came to know as parenting.  I was just learning about my mom instincts then, and dismissed the feeling I was having that his life would be challenging.  It was difficult to look at those blonde curls and bright blue eyes and imagine anything but bliss.

And thankfully there has been bliss along his challenging road of life...but those challenges I knew instinctively would follow him did.

A few years ago what seemed like just a year of really poor health turned into an autoimmune nightmare, and lead eventually to the diagnosis of PANDAS.  (See here for more information on PANDAS.)  Ours was a relatively short (6 month) road to diagnosis and treatment, and I remember reading everything I could about this condition, including phrases like "debilitating," and "encephalitic-like symptoms."  I remember the curled up withdrawn child who seldom left the couch, and the hours and hours spent in the school counselor's office trying to explain to them that what we were seeing wasn't my son...  And I remember the poor-social-work-mom-who-can't-admit-her-son-has-a-problem look on their faces as we tried without success to get accommodations in place that would help him.  I also remember feeling incredibly thankful for simple things like antibiotics, and doctors who would pursue treatment of a condition which (at the time) was still a little of a gray area.  I remember what it felt like to see my son come back after being lost in the catatonic fog he'd been in for months, and the subsequent years of challenges climbing back from neurological darkness.

Fast forward to 2012...  A few mornings ago I went downstairs to wake him up.  As I walked into his room it hit me that the constantly growing mound of human being that was buried under blankets in my house would only be there for a few more years.  I just stood there for a minute before waking him up (don't tell him), and committed that moment to memory...  The tilt of his head, the mashed hair, the toes sticking out the end of the blanket...even the stinky teen boy room smell.  

Seriously, I can't believe he's mine.  I texted Tim (who left for work this morning before I woke up) and said, "I can't believe we have a 16 year old!"  

He texted back, "Yes, and he is a great kid."  

And he is.  

And we are blessed parents who are celebrating a little more this year than other years because in Nate's life there is a lot to celebrate this year...  Like pushing himself to do this...

Cross Country

...Which was brutal for him because he started out with leg problems, but persisted, and now Megan can't even keep up with him on their runs.

Then there was dragging mom into his brutal world of wrestling (see here and here).  

Then soccer...  (See here.)  And as it turns out, after the extra help in the beginning of the season, Nate went on to score a total of 6 goals for the year.

And scouts, and church, and even youth leadership training (Silver Moccasin)...

And driving and hanging out...

And happy tears (mine) through all the above.

...Not because of anything exceptional, but because this can-do kid, who seemed a few years ago to have lost it all, never gave up.  

Have you ever thought how amazing it is to see the human body in motion?  Or to see a mind engaged and excited about learning and activities?  And I'm more than a little impressed when he walks down the hall and grabs the chin-up bar and pulls himself up...over and over and over.  Trust me.  The human machine is a miracle, and a healed human machine is even more miraculous.

So, so, so much to celebrate...

Moms

Mother's Day is approaching, and I had this big plan in my head to do a mother's day series this year like I did last year, but like so many of my big plans, this one stayed in my head, and hasn't materialized, even though Mother's Day is only a few days away.

Instead, I'm going to support recycling by linking back to the Mother's Day series from last year...

Because the longer I'm a mom (or maybe just the longer that I'm alive) the more I know one thing for sure:  I'm getting perfect at being not perfect.  (But don't tell my kids...)

So here it is:

Mommy Musings (how I've evolved as a mom and in my thinking about what it means to be a mom)

Mothering in Seasons (important lessons about not being able to do it all)

Every Woman is a Mother (thoughts about nurturing qualities of women)

Moms of Special Needs Children (with link to the neglected blog on my counseling practice website highlighting a post about moms of special needs children...  And seriously, if you know a mom of a special needs child, give her the gift of your time and support!)

All About Birth Mothers (thoughts about the important people who give roots to children so that other mothers can give them wings)

Also, over the course of this year, I've come to know another mom who stumbled across this blog and started corresponding with me.  Her story about being a step-mom touched me, and in spite of a very busy year (having a baby, being a mom, step-parent, and going to school) she managed to send me a great post about step parenting that I'll post later.

Thanks, moms for all you do, and especially for the imperfect way in which you are willing to do it!  Really...I have to plug imperfection.  It's a great goal that frees us from the perfect ideal and lets us just be ourselves, and there is no greater gift to our kiddos than to just be ourselves.

Happy Mother's Day!

(Image credit)