It's Gabby Jarman Day

This is a picture taken of Gabby when we went to meet her in Omaha two years ago.  We went one week to meet her, and went back the next week to bring her home.

Today is officially Gabby Jarman Day--the anniversary of the day she became a part of the family two years ago.

I will never forget the feeling I had when we went to pick her up from school that day.  In that one moment, as we walked from the school to the car, we went from a family of 6 to a family of 7.  It's another one of those moments that is such a vivid picture in my mind, I could swear I've seen a picture of it somewhere, but no picture exists.

Can I tell you how much I love this girl?  I can't imagine our lives without her.  What a blessing she is to us!

For sure we're celebrating, although Gabby hasn't decided yet between pizza and Indian food.

And yesterday she told me, "I showered twice today so I wouldn't have to shower again tomorrow."  She was totally serious.  I guess she doesn't want to have to worry about a shower on her big day.

Sunday afternoon I read through the posts I wrote during the time we were preparing to adopt her, meeting her, and picking her up.  (Tears...but happy tears.)  I'll say it again.  I love this girl.  I love who she is.  I love that we get to share her life.  We are blessed.

See Gabby's adoption posts here.  (The order is most recent to oldest post...scroll back and start at the oldest post to get the story.)

In October (back when mono took over and I wasn't blogging much) we made a trip back to Omaha to visit people Gabby loved before she came to our family...that story will follow soon (promise).

Today we celebrate!

Gabriella Pallavi Jarman

Gabby is officially Gabriella Pallavi Jarman.


For the first time in 10 months we aren't waiting.  (Gabby is reading over my shoulder and said it felt like 10 minutes, not 10 months.)

For the first time in 10 months we aren't in some sort of process of application, approval or review...

For the first time in 10 months the future of our family is not in the hands of an agency, a social worker, or the court.  (Just to clarify...we appreciate the people we've worked with, but if you've adopted, you know what it's like to open your life up to be approved by strangers.  Nate has jokingly dubbed the social worker the "home study stalker.")

And for the first time in years Gabby knows she has a family forever and ever and ever and ever...

Today, after what seemed like hours of waiting outside the court room...

(Sidenote:  It was only an hour, but it seemed a lot longer than that.  The judge took the families with babies first...apparently they thought teens and tweens were better at waiting than babies.)

Want to see how teens and tweens wait?

They amuse themselves with electronic devices...

They snap a lot of photos...

There were many, many self-photos on my camera...

Many...

And they have push-up contests in the hall outside the courtroom...

Best dad ever.

Then finally, after 10 months plus one hour of waiting...

Gabby was officially Gabriella Pallavi Jarman.

And became a member of our sometimes crazy, but mostly happy family.

Then a celebration at Iceberg (Gabby's choice but no one was complaining that they were eating huge milkshakes for lunch.)

And when Gabby found out they had onion rings, she was a happy girl.

And after all that, my favorite, favorite part of the day was:

• Not the judge questioning the kids in court, although that was amusing...
• Not that Tim wore his favorite tie (he even remembered...)
• And not the amusing conversations happening right now as the kids are having their sibling slumber party in the other room...

No, my favorite part of the day was hearing Gabby singing in the shower this morning as she got ready.  

"I am a child of God,

And He has sent me here,

Has given me an earthly home

With parents kind and dear..."

(lyrics from I Am A Child of God by Naomi W. Randall)

I was in the family room with Nate and Tim when we heard her singing, and when I realized what I was hearing, my eyes filled with tears.  I hugged Tim, and the significance and meaning of this day started to sink in...

Today we became parents again to an amazing girl.  Everyone who knows her in her lifetime is privileged and blessed.  She's that awesome.  And on the day she would be officially joining a family, she thought to sing about God giving her a home and a family.  We are so blessed.

How do you measure the value of home and family to a girl who has known what it is like to live without both?  

It was worth every moment of that 10 month plus one hour wait.

I'd do it 100 times over.

What an amazing gift this has been to our family.  

We love you Gabby!

(And we took the requisite photo of Mr. Matheson holding a cell phone...a tradition started by my sister at Joie's adoption.)

This is for you, Becky.

That Fluttery Feeling

My stomach feels like this...

Tomorrow is the adoption day.  The day.

The day we've waited for since Our Unknown Future.

And especially since we fist met our soon to be daughter.

But about the butterflies...

I'm not sure why they're there.  I'm excited, and this cay couldn't come soon enough.  I have no questions in my mind about making Gabby a part of our family.

I think it's the whole idea of court that brings the butterflies...

Going before a judge,

Hoping all the i's are dotted and t's are crossed,

Hoping we don't forget anyone,

Or anything.

When we adopted Joie I had butterflies too.

What do I remember about that day?  

• Tim wore the wrong tie with the wrong shirt and I grumbled enough about needing to change that he refused to change.  It didn't matter, but the butterflies were doing the talking that day and it bothered me..and I remember it, so I won't comment on ties tomorrow (and knowing Tim he'll choose the same one just to see if I really, really won't comment).
• My parents were there, and my sister was there, along with her kids.  I told them I'd need some support because it isn't easy to adopt your sister's little girl.  It's kind of emotional, in fact.  But with the support we made it through.
• And I remember that my sister made me laugh when she decided the statue of Scott Matheson in the courtroom foyer needed to be holding a cell phone...

• And I remember that we weren't arrested...because I sort of wondered if we might be (blaming the butterflies on that one).
• I also remember Tim forgot how many years we'd been married, so when the attorney asked him he froze.  And I'm still not sure what to think of his answer..."Sometimes it seems like forever."  Really.  He said that.  In court to a judge.  I'm sure it had something to do with me complaining about his tie, but it's a moment we won't forget.
• I also loved our judge.  He was awesome.  I wish we could have him again.  He talked to all the kids, not just Joie, and he gave Joie a beanie baby.  He also let them see the holding cell where they put people if they're arrested in court.  (And I made sure they all checked it out...just so they knew for sure they didn't want to be there.)
• And more than anything I remember at the end of the day I could say "daughter" and it was official.  I remember that night she fell asleep in my arms on the couch, and I was thankful for the peace of that moment.

Who knows what tomorrow will bring (or what sort of mischief the butterflies will bring into our world tomorrow), but by the end of the day we'll be a family, and Gabby will officially be a Jarman.  (And for sure she wants to go to Iceberg  because the boys have Gabby dreaming of the biggest milkshake she's ever eaten.)

Firsts

A lot of people say when you adopt older kids you miss out on firsts:  first words, first steps, first kisses, first laugh.

Maybe.

But not always.  There's always the first time you hear them laugh, or the first words you hear them speak (I still have those first words saved in the form of a voice mail on my phone, and listen to it once in a while just to remember how it felt to get that message).

And there are always those first unsure steps toward you as you meet, and the first kisses that come after waiting and waiting for a child to trust the closeness between you...

But there are other first as well...firsts that come at an older age because they've never experienced some of the same firsts as peers.

Things like being on a soccer team for the first time ever when peers have been chasing a ball around a field almost since they could walk.

It's a thrill to watch a 9 year old become so excited about soccer practice, soccer uniforms, soccer games, and learning to drop kick that she wants to sleep in her soccer uniform and wear it to school the following day.

And everywhere we go she repeats over and over and over to anyone who will listen, "This is my first time playing soccer, ever!"

But my favorite first so far is the first birthday party.

On Monday Gabby got two party invitations.  She's been counting the days, hours, minutes, no...seconds! until her first party.  And 1,000 times this week she has said, "I've never been to a birthday party before."


Today she rushed home from school and spent the next 30 minutes choosing what she'd wear and brushing her hair...and she almost never does that, not even for church.

Then when it was time to go, she was so nervous she wanted me to walk with her, even though she's walked to this friends' house 100 times before.  As we rounded the corner of our street and the party destination was in sight, she took off running.  "Bye, Mom!" she said as she sped out of sight.

And like a mom sending a kindergartener off to school, I wanted to go with her, to be a fly on the wall as she experienced this first.

Instead, I'm waiting patiently to hear about it later...

Just In Case You Were Confused About Names...

Gabby just wants to make sure everyone knows her name.

Hello.  My name is Gabriella Jarman.

What's in a Name?

What's in a name?
  
That which we call a rose
By any other word would smell as sweet...


Name discussions with Pallavi have been frequent over the past week.  We've talked about our last name.  We've talked about Joie's name.  We've talked about middle names.  We've talked about Megan's middle name (which is her birth name).  We've talked about everyone else's middle names.  We've talked about nicknames.  We've talked about name pronunciations.  We've talked about family names.

You get the picture.  We've talked a lot about names.

And you probably already know where this is headed.

When name discussions turned to discussions of a name change for Pallavi, we relied on experience to guide us.  Becoming parents to an older child the second time around seems to have less of a learning curve. This time we already know that going through the name quest is empowering, a way to claim a new life and identity.  (Read the story of Joie's name change here.)

In the end...

Is that which we call Pallavi by any other name just as incredible, amazing wonderful, sweet...?

Yes.

So Pallavi would, were she not Pallavi call'd,
Retain that dear perfection which she owes.


Our family has chosen names by meaning, and for a girl who loves the meaning of her old name but wanted a new name, this was important to her also.

After a few days of trying different names, Gabriella stood out as a name she liked with a meaning which fit.

This morning she came to my computer and looked up the meaning again, just to be sure.


"Yup.  Gabriella.  That's it," she said confidently.
(Everything she says is said with confidence.)


Gab-ri-ell-a:  heroine of God; God is my strength.


This is a girl who loves God.

We've been cautious about introducing religion, but have noticed her responses to religion, particularly during this Christmas season when we are surrounded by symbols of religious significance.  Speaking of such symbols one evening, our new daughter described the statues in India that have spiritual significance and power to people there, then confidently stated how she always knew there was another God "with real power."


The idea of God has been growing in her heart and mind for years.

And the meaning doesn't stop there.

Pallavi:  bud; young branch or shoot

Gabriella Pallavi:  a heroine of God who is just starting to bloom.


Perfect.  A combination of two beautiful names with beautiful meanings for a very beautiful girl.

Will there be nicknames?

Most assuredly, yes.

We've tried several.

Gabby seems to be the one that is sticking...

And you know we'll keep you posted!

Welcome Home

After our unexpected delay, we flew home Sunday morning...Nebraska to Utah via Minneapolis.  We're figuring out there are few direct routes between Nebraska and Utah.

But eventually we arrived home.

A welcome home sign from the Jarman cousins.  There's a star for each cousin.  Pallivi, who is super excited to have so many cousins, loved her sign.

The face says:  It's cold out here.  Can we go back inside already?

Pallavi wasted no time unpacking.  She set up her room, then found the TV.  After a few minutes of watching TV she came and asked me if we had white paper.  I helped her find some and she made these signs for her door:

So there you have it.  A room and rules...

(And a very happy family.)

It feels great to be home!

December 17th and 18th

 Pallavi had school Friday, including saying good-bye to her friends.  We found the Omaha Zoo while waiting.  Good thing a lot of the exhibits were indoors.  It was COLD!

This guy didn't take his eyes off us the whole time we were there.  We were really glad there was glass between us and him!

We joined Pallavi's class at 2:00 for a farewell party.

Saying good-bye to friends.

And good-bye to Mrs. McNeill

On Saturday we stopped at Winter Quarters before heading to the airport.

Trying out the handcart...the sister missionary put rocks under the wheels to make it harder for them to pull.

First family picture

Then it was off to the airport where we checked 6 heavy bags filled with Pallavi's belongings, went through TSA security, then sat to wait to board our flight.  A few minutes later the announcement came that our flight was cancelled.  The next two hours was spent sitting around and waiting in lines to find a flight that could take all 7 of us to Salt Lake City.  The next possibility was the next day, so we reclaimed our bags, caught a shuttle to the hotel, did some laundry and spent the rest of the day swimming.  As much as we love family togetherness, we're ready to go home!

Tomorrow, tomorrow, I love you tomorrow.  You're only a day away! 

Initials

It seems like initials have been a theme lately.

F.N.U. = First Name Unknown.  Pallavi's first name really isn't unknown.  It's Pallavi.

But she doesn't have a last name.  F.N.U. is a placeholder group of initials and Pallavi was used as her surname on her passport.  The airlines had a bit of a hard time reserving a seat for someone with no last name.  Certainly we're not the first parents who have traveled with a child from an orphanage.  And when we said so they accommodated.

And then there's KYHFOOTY (ky-foo-tee).

Keep Your Hands Feet and Other Objects To Yourself.

I heard about this particular acronym from a 7 year old boy with ADHD.  We were in a therapy session talking about some problems he was having in school.  I asked him what he does to stay out of trouble and he said "kyhfooty."  It was the funniest sounding word I had ever heard from a 7 year old and it stuck with me long enough to find out from his mother what it meant.  I've heard other elementary aged clients also refer to KYHFOOTY since then, so it's a word that seems to be making the rounds.

It came to mind again today when what seemed like fun to an energetic younger sister was testing the patience of older siblings.  You'll be happy to know that KYHFOOTY has worked it's magic for the time being and peace is restored (sort of).

And Pallavi is interested in names right now, and has learned that "Joie" is really "DJ" or Diana Jo.  Tonight in the hotel pool she became PJ (Pallavi Jarman) and Megan was MJ.

DJ, PJ, and MJ invented a triple splash jump...only one near drowning.  Other than that everyone was fine.

First Day As A Family

 Last minute we decided to take everyone to Omaha to pick up Pallavi.

Tim few into Omaha Wednesday night with Joie and Jeran (who got to fly first class because the plane was full).

Thursday I flew to Omaha with Nate and Megan.  (We flew with a basketball team and had to sit separately because the plane was crowded...Megan got to sit in the middle of the basketball team and felt very small.)

We arrived just in time to drop our things at the hotel and go to Pallavi's school to pick her up.  She was surprised to see the whole family!  She introduced us to her class and friends...

That night we went out to dinner as a family.  Pallavi chose the same restaurant we ate at last week.  

The wait was over 30 minutes...

Here she is thrilled to be waiting...

And waiting...

Finally!  Dinner!

Can you believe Nate sat by the girls in the car?  Pallavi is liking her big brother, and he loves the attention.

Any other sister would have been pummeled for this.  The expressions on Megan and Joie's faces are proof enough.  

Exhaustion was a huge part of our day.  

...Turns out Pallavi hasn't been sleeping much either.  It felt great to be together and just relax!

The Dark Pink Room

Tim worked hard this weekend on Pallavi's dark pink room.

The solution to painting a room dark pink...wainscoting.

The solution to the "dark red" being combined with the dark pink...haven't discovered that one yet.  

But I'm hopeful that an old neighbor who makes vinyl lettering can do some in a red that won't clash with the  pink.

Oops.  Paint spill...

(I finally got out the scissors and gave the carpet a haircut.)

Hanging out in Pallavi's room...

If you hang out too long you'll end up being dad's helper.

And if you work hard and ask nicely, you might even get to sleep in your sister's new room!

Meeting Pallavi

Tonight we finally met Pallavi.  After spending some time looking at the book we made her (she brought it with her), we went to pick out paint.

When she said dark pink, she meant dark pink.  And red.

Can't wait until all of us are in the same place at the same time!

Pallavi has a cell phone.  

Who knew technology could be bonding?  

Nate added our numbers for her, and it didn't take long for the three of them to be texting each other.  

A few minutes later I got a text.  

Mom I like you.

Turns out through the evening what she couldn't say in person, she could say in text.  It was a great icebreaker.

Then back to the hotel for a few minutes so she could see where she'll be with us next week.  

Future sisters bonded over a love of cookies.

A week from today we'll be here again... 

And pick her up at the agency again....

This time forever. 

And I Want My Room To Be Dark Pink!

I know...two blog entries in one day.  I'm finding this is the easiest way to share our updates and news...

Tonight I ran some errands and left my phone at home.  I got home and had two voicemails.  One was from the adoption agency director just covering logistical items.  The other one caught me completely off guard.

"Hey Mary.  This is Pallavi...the one you going to adopt..."  Then a message to call her back.

We hadn't talked about phone calls with the agency director or caseworker, but Pallavi took matters into her own hands.  She had already had a conversation with Tim before she called us.


I played it again for the kids...at least three times, then we called her back.

"Hi Pallavi.  This is Mary."


"Oh, hi Mary..."
(Like we've talked a hundred times before.)

Then getting straight to the point.
"Is it ok if I call you and your husband Mom and Dad?"


We hadn't spoken before today.

The confidence in her voice was impressive.  On speaker phone she chatted comfortably in her British-Indian accent with her new family.

We sent her a get-to-know-us scrapbook earlier, and she had literally memorized everything about her new family.

"I hear I'm going to have a lot of cousins!"  
She can't wait to meet all of them.

"And when your family goes to the farm I want to ride a horse.  Is there a horse there?"
Joie's turn to respond.
"Uh...yeah..."
(Anyone met River?)
"Ok then.  I know how to ride horses."
Me this time.  "Really.  Have you ridden a horse before?"
"Yes.  I rode horses in India."
(Love how she says "In-dia" in two syllables instead of three.)

More small talk, then the words we won't forget
"And I want my room to be dark pink!"

We had told the caseworker earlier we would take her to Home Depot or Lowe's to pick a paint color while we were visiting this week.

Pallavi was way ahead of us.

I love that she's not shy.

This finally seems real.  Our bags are packed.  Nate and Megan travel with us to meet her.  Jeran and Joie travel with us next week to bring her home.  Tonight the kids who aren't going packed letters, pictures and candy to send.

We can't wait!

Broken Roads

I'm sitting here in my messy house, needing to get ready to go meet our soon-to-be daughter.  I can't even concentrate long enough to do the dishes, and I think I've gone downstairs three times to change laundry without actually getting it done.  And yet somehow by tomorrow at this time we'll be leaving for the airport...  Nebraska in December...good thing we've got a great reason!

Have you ever heard the song "Bless The Broken Road" by Rascal Flatts?

I heard it again this morning, and found myself alone in my messy, neglected house crying, partly because of the broken roads of our lives, but mostly because that broken road has been blessed.

I set out on a narrow way, many years ago
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through
I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you.


A divorce.  Certainly a heartbreaking broken road, difficult and painful for Tim to travel.

Difficulties with pregnancies and deliveries.  Another broken road.  But not the end.  Somehow from that broken road grew two incredible boys.

A birth mother holding a tiny baby, knowing she couldn't take care of her, and a long plane ride staring into the eyes of a stranger who delivered that baby into the arms of more strangers.  Broken roads leading to new roads.

And more broken roads that seemed like dead ends.  Would-be adoptions that weren't, leading to acceptance of the road we were on.

And August 18, 2007.  The day that certainly felt broken to all who knew Nick, Ruth and Audrey, especially to their DJ (a.k.a. Joie).  That broken road felt like the end.

The day Joie came home from the hospital, the night before the funerals of her family, she looked so lost.  As she walked into the strange place that would be her home for the rest of her life she collapsed into the big overstuffed chair in our living room and softly started to sing:


"Jesus take the wheel.  Take it from my hands.  Cause I can't do this on my own..." ("Jesus, Take the Wheel" by Carrie Underwood)

And He did.  And here we are.

I realized this morning that if we hadn't traveled that broken road, we wouldn't be here, in a place where intersecting with another broken road feels almost comfortable.  This time the road beneath us feels sure and complete, but to Pallavi, the road that lead her to us has been a very difficult and broken one.

Today my heart is filled with gratitude for a Heavenly Father who can turn broken roads into blessings, and who knows my road and leads me down it every day (even when I think I'd prefer a detour).

...This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That lead me straight to you.
("Bless The Broken Road" by Rascal Flatts)


Countdown to Pallavi:  
Two days until we meet her.  
Ten days until we bring her home.

Pallavi

What a difference a few days make!

Over the past few days I've downloaded 32 files of documents to my computer, and on Friday we'll notary sign and send back child acceptance documents.

The timeline for Pallavi's arrival has now been stepped up to before Christmas, and we'll be traveling to meet her once before then also.

I don't scrapbook, but today I made a scrapbook for Pallavi so we can send it to her to start getting familiar with our family.  The kids wrote letters which were all incredible.  Mixed in with bits of information about school, interests, and family were the following:

I am overjoyed that you are coming to our family.
  
My family is very nice, awesome, and loving.


And any guesses who this one is from?  I'm a high spirited young girl and I hope you are too!  I've been living in this family since I was 8 years old...  I love this family and I hope you do too.


And in a letter to Santa:  I don't want anything big for Christmas.  All I really care about is Pallavi getting to be in our family.  I am going to have a sister!  I have a family and my parents both have good jobs.  Christmas is going to be another Thanksgiving for me.  I don't want nothin'.


All the kids are saying similar things.  They're asking for gifts for Pallavi and very little for themselves.  I sometimes wonder how I got to be their mom!

And now...

Pallavi:

We are so excited!

Pronunciation of Pallavi