The Day My Almost 17 Year Old Waved At Me

Let today forever be known as the day my almost 17 year old son waved at me.

In public.

But kind of in the privacy of the car.

I'm into sentimentality lately (just in case you didn't already notice).  I think the idea of knowing I have a limited amount of time with my kids all under one roof has me seeing through a different lens.

Which is why I'm blogging about my almost 17 year old waving at me.

I had finished work.  Tim had already left for work, and Nate (who needed the car earlier to get to and from his job) had dropped me off for a few evening appointments and was now picking me up.  (I love being chauffeured and not doing the chauffeuring.)  Then it happened.  As I walked out the front door of the building and toward the car, I saw this super happy smiling teenager sitting behind the steering wheel waving to me like he was 3 years old again.  (But back then he also would have come running at me...  Not complaining though.  I'll take a happy wave.)

Never mind that 20 seconds later, the beautiful moment was interrupted by siblings complaining about each other.

And never mind that by 10:00 tonight Nate's constant happy mood was driving me a bit nuts...  (Makes me want to ask who he's taking to Prom.)

And never mind that he taught his sister an acronym that includes a swear word and she's highly offended that neither of us will tell her what it means...

And never mind that he drove to the store and bought a Dr. Pepper at 9:00 p.m. when it would have been nice to have him sleeping by 10:00 or so...

Ahhhhhhh.....  Sentimentality.

Mom, Why Aren't You Blogging Anymore?

For some reason, the subject of our family blog has been a topic of conversation around our house lately...

And then the question:  Mom, why aren't you blogging anymore?  

To which I reply...  (sound of crickets chirping)

At one point, it was just because my health was horrible and I just didn't have it in me, but I honestly don't have a good reason anymore.  Illness has passed...  Health is returning...  The catch up game is calming down...  

So here I go again.  For real.  

When our children were younger, I kept a family journal.  When I figured out blogging, this became our family journal.  When our children were younger, they liked reading out of our family journal.  Mostly, it made us laugh.  It was also fun to see the growth and changes.  I know they all check our blog, even now that they're older, but I didn't know they missed it.   

So for the updates: 

Nate:  Knee injury, which I think I may have already mentioned...  Healing...  Not healing...  Surgery...  No Surgery...  And then finally, surgery today.  I promised I wouldn't post the requisite hospital gown pics, even though he was just sitting in bed waiting to go into surgery when I snapped the photo.  Actually, he did say I could include the picture, but I think he also said I'd have to pay him $50.00 or something like that.  He told Tim $10.00.  Sheesh!  Does he think he's a movie star?  The picture posted was actually one I took of him right after his injury--back in December. As far as I know, there are no royalties imposed for that picture.

But about the surgery:  It was torn cartilage...and a piece of cartilage floating around in his knee.  The pain around his ACL was actually a ganglion cyst on the bone near his ACL, which they don't do much about unless it is specifically causing pain.  There was also some other inflammation and signs of a pretty traumatic knee injury that was trying to heal.  They'll start physical therapy again in a few weeks.

Meanwhile, he hopes every day we find a car for him to drive...  We're looking.  We may have found something.  I hope so.  (But he can't drive for a few weeks anyway, so the pressure is off for now.)

He's also got a job now.  He works at Arctic Circle.  In his own words, "I'm Sponge Bob,"  (which really means he's a fry cook).  The newness of the job wore off enough for him to brave just one more interview at an auto mechanic shop, which is perfect for Nate.  It sounds like he got the job, so he may be moving up from Sponge Bob to...not sure which character I should insert here, but picture someone helping out around a mechanic shop...cleaning up, running errands, changing oil, etc.  That's his new gig.

Megan:  In a word, "sports."  And singing.  And friends.  But mostly sports.  Basketball season is over, but she wanted to make it longer, and wishes there was enough time to have eternal soccer and basketball seasons.  Soccer has started with the first two games being cancelled, third being played in the rain, followed by a week of coughing and sore throat, and another game scheduled to play in the rain/snow tomorrow.   She loves her comp team, but has outgrown them, which means a lot of team try-outs in the near future.  She's awesome.

And friends...  She'd probably also do that 24/7 if she could.  I love that this girl doesn't ever get sucked into the drama of teen life.  

And singing...  I think we're the only carpool where the ukelele is preferred to the radio.  (Some days it's both, but usually that makes the driver (moi) a bit nuts so we try to limit ourselves to one music source at a time.)  Megan and her BFF who carpools with us both love to sing, and now they both have ukeleles.  It's a sing-along carpool.  Mostly everyone else is ok with that.  

At home she sings too.  All the time.  Most parents threaten to take away iPods or phones if kids don't do homework or chores, but with Megan I have to take away the ukelele.  (Although she did go through some minor withdrawal symptoms when she left her iPod on the game bus one day and couldn't find it until the next week.)

And she loves photography (see above self-portriat).  She is saving for an expensive camera.  She's almost there.  Go Megan!

And she said something really amazing today, and made my day.  She said all her friends say their parents don't listen to them, and she told them she can talk to her parents.  (Huge smile.)  She also said, "Yeah,  my mom's a therapist."  Apparently you need a degree to talk to kids.  (Tim is just awesome enough to do it without a degree.) 

Jeran:  Just to explain the picture...  Jeran has had some asthma problems this winter.  We thought asthma was behind him, but over the last year and a half it's back.  Usually he's ok, but he got a cold that kept him from going camping over spring break with the scouts...  Apparently breathing is that important.  Later that day we ended up in the doctor's office getting a nebulizer treatment, which he hasn't had since he was about 2 years old, and didn't remember at all.  When the nurse gave him the tube that was spewing funky nebulizer mist, he looked at me and said, "Mom, this doesn't feel legal."  Yes, he's that funny all the time.

He actually left earlier today for a speech festival.  They're staying in Cedar City overnight.  He's in a play next week...The Importance of Being Earnest.  He's the butler.  And he needs a tuxedo shirt and bow tie.  I found a bow tie on Amazon, but I don't want to pay for a tuxedo shirt.  Anyone have one we can borrow?

This kid is constantly a whirlwind of activity.  If it's  not something with school, it's friends.  And he has awesome friends.  One day earlier this year, I was going into the high school with my arms full.  Instantly, three students rushed the doors and held them open for me.  They were Jeran's friends.

He's also into all things geek.  But he's not a geek.  (Really, he's not.)  But he can't wait for next weeks release of Iron Man 3.  I think he has tickets for the midnight showing when it's released.

He's taller than me and stronger than me and smarter than me and he knows it.  And he's great at getting things done so he has time for friends and fun...  And I'm sure he thinks Nate is a better chauffeur than Tim or I because Nate will stop anywhere.  I know there are stories upon stories I don't even know about their time together...just between brothers I guess.  I hope one day they'll tell me (someday when removing privileges is no longer an option).  Meanwhile, I just tell myself that they're just kidding and that really there is nothing that happens on their outings that they wouldn't share with me, because it makes me feel better when I tell myself that.  And "in my world everyone's a pony and they all eat rainbows and poop butterflies."  (credit:  Dr. Seuss)

Joie:  Once upon a time there was a mom who was happy with three beautiful children.  Then unexpectedly one day, a little girl who knew hurt and loneliness beyond belief came into that mom's life, and showed her the joy of living (joie de vivre).  That girl is Joie.  (The picture is her with her cousin, Kedric, who is named after Joie's dad.)

She was also in a play at school.  She was a patient in an insane asylum who thought she was in an army.  She got to dress in camouflage and carry a fake weapon.  (Yes, even in school...  Don't tell anyone.)

And here's a really funny story.  Joie is fearless.  That's F-e-a-r-l-e-s-s with a capital F.  And flirty.  Also with a capital F.  On second thought, I won't tell the story.  (But if you ask, I'll tell you.)  But the other funny part of the story was this...  A few days after she was gutsy and fearless and asked a guy to be her Valentine, Tim was driving the kids to school and stopped at the store for donuts (because he's cool and awesome like that...insert picture of upset mom).  Joie's valentine was also at the store.  Tim rolled down the window and called his name.  Yes, really.  Because he's gutsy and fearless like Joie, but it turns out when dad is being gutsy and fearless, children are usually embarrassed and humiliated.  Ok, maybe not humiliated, but embarrassed.  And possibly he lost a few cool and awesome points also.

Other amazing things this girls does:  She's a brainiac.  The straight A kind of brainiac.  And she recently started Tae Kwon Do.  Her older cousin, Adrienne, was here for the week over spring break.  She knew of a gym through a friend here in Utah where she could attend training/workouts for a week. They let Joie and Gabby join with Adrienne, and they got hooked.  She broke boards last week.  Don't mess with her. And another funny story...  Son of the TKD master goes to Joie's school and had just been hitting on Joie and her friend.  He walked into the gym one day toward the end of a workout, and was probably super surprised to see her there.  (And I thought of all kinds of things I wanted to say to him, but didn't.)

And she's a good person.  She recently had a friend tell her she was too happy.  Life isn't without challenges, for sure.  There are still moments of missing the people who loved her before this little girl came into our life, but she knows genuine happiness also.  She is strong, and a good friend who listens and understands.  I told her tonight when we were talking about girl drama, "You don't sweat the small stuff because you know there are bigger problems in the world."  And it's true (unless the small stuff is with siblings.  She still knows how to push those buttons.)

Gabby:  This picture is for Grandma Campbell.  She is wrapped in a baby blanket made by grandma.  My mom made blankets for all our kids when they were babies.  Recently she realized she didn't get to do this for Gabby, or for two other grand children who were adopted from foster care by my sister.  She asked them about colors and styles, and a few weeks later, the blankets came in the mail.  Apparently Grandma blankets bring joy at all ages.  I tried to get her to save them somewhere special for her kids, but for now, they're her reading blankets in her room.

And she's caught up almost completely in school.  She pushes herself every day.  She never misses homework, and I don't have to remind her.  She wants to be a doctor when she grows up, or play professional soccer.  She and a friend recently made their life plan:  Live together when they go to college, and play soccer in college, then be professional soccer players, then doctors.  And never get married.

And she rocks at soccer, and being a friend.  Gabby got sucked into some friend drama at school this year, and it's been tuff, but she's a smart girl, and doesn't let it happen anymore.  (Can I just say I'm so glad the being a friend trait seems to run through my girls...huge sigh of relief.)  Her teacher and other adults identify her as a leader in groups.  Charisma defines this girl.

She's been busy lately, but keeps up.  We usually say only one activity at a time for the kids, but Tae Kwon Do came knocking right after she signed up for soccer, and she does it all.  And she still goes to ESL (English Second Language) tutoring four hours a week.  One day this week she went from soccer to TKD with less than 20 minutes in between, and did chores and homework too.  We decided next soccer season we'll suspend TKD for a few months. She might be able to keep up, but it wears me out!

Since school started last fall, Gabby has been remembering a lot of details about her life in India that I've never heard before.  I can see her get stirred up once in a while, and know there is something in her mind ready to break free from where ever she's kept it stored before now... Details of her mom's death.  Details of how she handled that loss, and how her brother handled that loss.  Details of what her mom taught her before she died.  Details of how she got here...and so much more.  That's a lot of remembering, which isn't easy.  A few months ago I started reading "The Whole Brain Child," by Daniel Siegel (great book, by the way), and just this week attended a conference where he presented.  The key of "integration" is the main concept of his book (both within the brain, and in relationships and life).  Gabby is integration, because when she isn't, she pushes herself to make meaning out of her many, many stories of hurt and loss.  She inspires me to be a better person.

In fact, all of them do.  I keep waiting for the proverbial "other foot" to drop in our teen world, but so far it hasn't.  I seriously love this time in their lives.  There is so much teen energy in this house that some days I think I could bottle it and sell it.  (Who wouldn't pay cash to feel the energy of teenagers?)  But for now I'll just breathe it in and soak it up, because it's the kind of energy that can't be bottled.  I know it will be gone in a blink, and as crazybusy as it gets most days, I'm glad I'm up to my eyeballs in it.  Wouldn't trade it for anything.

A Thankful Heart

Last Sunday afternoon and Monday I was in bed feeling sorry for myself.  It turns out pneumonia recovery takes longer than I thought...

And the air quality in the otherwise beautiful Salt Lake valley was the worst in the world this past week (even worse than in China, according to Jeran).

And everyone else was getting sick too.

Ever heard of the January blahs?  We had them (or at least I did).

Then Monday afternoon the phone rang.  It was someone from the Relief Society presidency (women's group in church) wondering if I'd teach the lesson on Sunday.  I almost started to say I couldn't do it, but something in my said, "This is the answer to the prayer that has been in your heart all week."  

The lesson?  Consider The Blessings, by Thomas S. Monson.  I read it, and thought about blessings, but still didn't feel very blessed.

 I read it again.  This time I thought I should try to pray for ways I could help people, even though I wasn't feeling well.

Through the week opportunities came.  One day a girl on Megan's basketball team needed a ride home.  My first thought was that I was too busy to take a few extra minutes to take her home, but then I remembered my prayer and knew it was one of those little things I could do.  As we drove her home and she talked about her family and her mom's work schedule, I was glad I'd listened...and glad Megan had such good friends.  I ended up telling her we could give her a ride any time, and I was the one who was blessed that day.  In just those few minutes my day turned around.

A few days later, Megan's team needed a meal after their games.  The team mom asked if I could help buy pizza for the girls.  I said I could, and as I was helping drop off pizza at the school, I started talking to the team mom and eventually we were talking about soccer.  We've been looking for a new team for Megan and Gabby, and the team her daughters play for (same ages as Megan and Gabby) sounded like what we were looking for.  Again, I served, but I was blessed.

And so it went, all week.  Me trying to be aware of blessings, and trying to be aware of opportunities to serve, even in small ways.  Then about mid-week, Nate (who has been out of wrestling since mid-January because of a torn ACL) came home with news that the entire wrestling team had to take the week off and couldn't go to tournaments because they had skin staph infections they had all contacted from wrestling mats somewhere.  I just looked at him, stunned, as the tears formed in my eyes.

"Nate," I said.  "Do you know what that means?"  

(Confused teenager expression in response...  I'm sure he was thinking, "It's just a week...  It's just staph...  Why are you crying?")

But in an instant, I was insanely grateful for his horrible wrestling season...the torn ACL, the disappointment about not wrestling, the trips to the doctor, the knee brace, the PT, the uncertainty about surgery...all of it.  Because all of that meant he didn't have staph.  And staph, or anything remotely connected to strep, is horrible for Nate.  A few years ago, after a long list of horrible health problems and complications, Nate was diagnosed with PANDAS, which, in a nutshell, means strep antibodies that are supposed to attack strep bacteria attack his neurological system (think rheumatic fever but brain instead of heart).  It was a long road to recovery, and one I'm sure could be shorter if he had to travel it again, but I don't want to find out, and I'm sure, neither does he.  (See here for long recovery story...not much of an explanation, but a little.)

All week since then, I've thought about how, when he was first injured, I hoped that something good could come out of this, but at the same time, I thought a lot more about how it seemed like Nate couldn't catch a break when it comes to good health, and (sadly) I was also a little put out at the inconvenience of all the doctor's appointments on my schedule.  All along God was steering, just like I'd first hoped, but it took a while to see His direction.

Then as the week wore on, I realized all that driving and carpooling Nate had been doing for me while I was in bed with pneumonia wouldn't have happened if he had still been in wrestling.

And we've loved the relationship we have with him again because he's home more, and getting to enjoy his humor and random insights...

And after the doctor thinking Nate would need surgery, we are finding out that he might not, which is great news.

It's all been a blessing...

So (note to self) keep calm and be thankful.

I'm feeling better and better every day.  I'm actually now only a little out of breath when I climb stairs.  Mostly I have enough energy for a day, and I've just finished four consecutive days of work, which is a record since January 1st when I first came down with the flu.

And even though it's dumping snow outside right now, it was almost 40 degrees today, and the wind before this storm blew all of the gunk out of the air and we woke up being able to see sky and mountains for the first time in almost a month...and cleaner air is in the forecast for this week.  I can already feel my lungs expanding.

A Little Bit of Bliss

This has not been a good health year for me...  Mono that goes away but keeps lingering, and makes it so my eternal to-do list only grows and grows and grows.  Now I've started off 2013 with a full blown case of the flu...  Achy, feverish, sore throat.  I need a new immune system

But the bliss...

Nate got his driver's license on December 31st, 2012.

The last few days while I've been sick, he's been the taxi driver.

Bliss!

I posted on facebook that if nothing else happens in 2013, my life will be complete.

...Ignoring the story of old man who didn't do a head check and almost merged into Nate.

...Ignoring that in a few weeks he'll be incapacitated because of knee surgery.

...Just enjoying it right here, right now.

The Case of the Missing Chocolate Covered Cinnamon Bears

Have you ever had these things?  They're addictive!  Seriously...  

Try to eat just one.

We are no strangers to sports and school fundraisers this year.  In the past 6 months we have had 2 fundraisers for a local frozen yogurt place (buy one get one free cards), a fundraiser selling potatoes (huge Idaho Russets...just in time for Thanksgiving), a coupon book fundraiser, cookie dough, and a few others I'm sure I don't even remember.  We also had two fundraisers of selling all kinds of sweets...fun stuff that is overpriced, but very yummy so people will buy it.

Which brings us to chocolate covered cinnamon bears.  One of our neighbors bought some from Megan.  Megan delivered all the goodies except theirs, because they were out of town.  (Those would be the chocolate covered cinnamon bears.)  

And she naively left the tub of bears in the kitchen.  Right where everything is fair game.  Of course everyone wanted some.  I asked a few times whose they were.  No one answered.  One of the kids even said they were a Christmas present from dad.  And the boys said they were ours, that dad bought them from Megan in the fundraiser.  (Note to self:  Never believe hungry teens when it comes to claiming food.)  No one admits to opening them, but several of us might admit to enjoying them...

Needless to say, by the time the neighbors were home and Megan realized what had happened, it was too late.  We're hoping they accept a cute note and a treat...

(And no worries.  We're going with the you-eat-it, you-buy-it policy so they'll get their money back also.)

Seriously, with all those fundraisers, if this was our only delivery mishap, that's not so bad...

Unless you're our neighbors.

Sidenote:  Gabby graduated from NOVA today.  

Sidenote #2:  Nate went to an orthopedic specialist today and we found out it's his ACL that is torn.  When the swelling goes down in a few weeks, he'll have surgery.  Meanwhile he gets to wear his brace for a few more weeks, and is out of wrestling for the season...and probably spring sports as well.  His goal:  To take his driver's ed test and get his license before he has surgery.

Things That Would Make My Life Easier

In no particular order...

• A slow cooker that never over or undercooks things, because my slow cooker is my best friend, and nothing is worse than slow cooker recipes that tell you 5-6 hours when really the food is done in 3-4 hours...or less.  
• A grocery delivery service, because there's always that one thing I forgot...  Today it was Diet Coke, Mentos, and Play Doh so Gabby can make a rocket in school tomorrow.  I did remember the Christmas card for the foreign exchange student, and the cookies for the boys that came to help with Jeran's Eagle Scout Project, but I forgot the Diet Coke, Mentos, and Play Doh.  Don't you think it would be awesome if stores rewarded frequent shopper moms like me by gifting us one free delivery a week?  Wouldn't that be awesome?
• A chauffeur...definitely a chauffer, but only when I really, really can't handle getting in the car one more time that day.  Quite honestly, I do enjoy the conversations with my kids in car, and overhearing all their conversations with their friends, and overhearing two totally off-key teenager boys sing along with the radio at the top of their lungs (laughed so hard I almost crashed the car...kidding, Mom!  But I did laugh hard, and will never, never forget it as long as I live).  But it's that One.  Last.  Trip.  Of.  The.  Day.  By then I'm out of both words and brain cells, which are, coincidentally, required to make a conversation work.  I've also been known to tune out my own children during such periods of time when brain cells are in short supply.  For times like those times it would be a huge gift to have a chauffeur.
• And while I'm at it, self cleaning dishes, laundry, and kitchen and bathrooms would be nice.  Or a maid.  By the way, my kids claim they're my maids...  Sheesh!  (Said in my best teenage protest voice.)
• And a bank account that replenishes itself would be nice also.
• And a magic wand or access to a really awesome genie without a lot of rules about wishes.

Back to reality.  Now I'm closing my eyes and pretending I don't see the dishes in the sink, or the message light blinking on the answering machine, or the slow cooker waiting for me to decide what goes in it tomorrow...

And I did not just see my oldest son walk through the door on crutches.

I need a new genie.

16.5

On November 16th, this kiddo turned 16.5.  With each passing day, I'm more and more aware that he has limited time left at home.  And I gotta admit, the idea of him not being my kiddo anymore tugs a little at my heart strings.  People, trust me...  It goes so fast.  Don't blink.

He's almost half way through his junior year.  Next year he'll be a senior.  He gets his driver's license any day now...  I made a new rule for driving the kids to school this year:  Nate gets the front seat every day he rides with us because he doesn't have very many of those days left.  (Really, it was my selfish way of keeping his close to me.  As much as I hate being a taxi mom, I love talking to my kids in the car, and the older I get, the more fun those conversations are...  And I know I have a lot fewer of those left with Nate than with any of the others.)

Friday Nate had his wisdom teeth out.  He was semi-ok Friday and Saturday.  We put a remote in his hand and gave him the really good drugs once in a while, and he was fine.  They said the worst day for pain is the third day.  Sunday was not a great day for him, and he was sure there was a piece of food stuck in the back of his mouth, and he was determined to pull it out (against the advice of his doctor, who said let it work it's way out).  When there's something bugging him, he just can't leave it alone.

In all of his obsessing about whatever was in his mouth, I said, "What if it's just your stitches?"  

Then the rest of us left Nate home alone and went downtown Salt Lake City for the LDS church's Christmas Devotional.  Nate was here alone...just him and the remote...  And a waterpik.  He was determined to get that food out.

He's in a lot of pain today.  I called the doctor and they said he may have given himself a dry socket by using the waterpik...  We'll know tomorrow.

Seriously...  One day they'll all just figure out that Mom's right and we'll avoid half of the things that fall into the "oops" category of life.  Meanwhile, good thing we have a sense of humor.  (When they were babies, someone told me I wouldn't get mad when I saw all the messes they got into if I grabbed a camera and took a picture instead of yelling.  I guess it worked.)

Today, Nate came to me and said, "Mom, what if that thing that I thought was a piece of food is stitches?"   

I have to say in his defense, that I was 16.5 once too.  I think there were also things I had to figure out for myself...like gravity.  My young and in love self decided to descend the face of a giant rock without gear because in the euphoria of being in love, we both thought it sounded like a good idea...  I fell.  Thankfully, a quick thinking ranger caught me and stopped my fall (and all I remember about him now is that he had red hair and an Aussie accent...the ranger that is, not the guy I was with). 

Then later that evening, we thought it would be fun to drive in reverse down the dirt road that lead out of the canyon.  

And my mom remembers that when I told her the story, I prefaced it with, "Before I tell you what happened, I want to tell you that I didn't even break a fingernail."  (I clearly remember holding my hands up as proof, at which time she saw the scrapes down the sides of my arms.)

And 2 days after I had my wisdom teeth out I went skiing because adrenaline took over and the thought of a ski date with someone older who I had a crush on sounded too good to pass up.  (It was my last and only date with him...wonder why?)

So I've done my share of sixteen and stupid, and Nate's obsession with his stitches and possibly creating a dry socket doesn't come close.  I forgive him.

Funny though...  Everyone in the family is now telling and re-telling the story of when Nate pulled his own stitches out when he was four.  He'd had ear tubes a few years earlier, and the hole in his eardrum hadn't closed.  Surgery was recommended to repair the hole, which involved taking a tiny bit of tissue from the back of his earlobe to graft onto his eardrum as a patch, hence the stitches in his earlobe.

I remember we brought him home from the hospital, and I did the same thing back then I did this time--put him in front of the TV.  He'd been sleepy, and fell asleep as soon as I laid him on the couch, so I went upstairs to start cleaning the kitchen.  Not even 5 minutes later he was standing there in the kitchen with blood dripping off his ear and down his shoulder, and as calmly as a kid could ask for anything he said, "Mom, can you help me get these stitches out?"  Apparently they were bugging him back then also.  I also still remember the look on the face of the nurses when I walked back into the surgical center with a bleeding child not even an hour after walking out.  And by then Nate was tired and very, very aware of the stitches in his earlobe...not our favorite day at the doctor.

Nate gets that humor softens things for me.  Today in an attempt to stop the "I-told-you-so" that he sensed might follow his stitches ah-ha moment, Nate said, "It's my own special trait.  Removing stitches."  

Nate, we love you.  And all your special traits.  Maybe you'll be a surgeon someday.  

And no, you can't wrestle on Saturday if you have a dry socket.  And I won't feel bad and give in.  (But dad might, and I might go along with it.)  

(And all this while we had carpet layers in our house from 8:00 a.m. to 7:00 p.m.  Of course that only added to the fun, but new carpet!  It makes me forget everything else.)

Who Are You And What Did You Do With My Son?

Tim drove to Juniper yesterday to bring Nate home.  Did you hear that?  Nate is home!  I love that he loves the farm, but I also love that I get to see his face!

But something strange has happened in his absence.  He's done the dishes two times today...without being asked.  He's been pretty quiet about it.

It goes something like this:

Nate enters the kitchen and opens the dishwasher and starts loading it.

Mom: Oh, are you looking for something?


Nate:  Nope.


Mom:  Are you doing the dishes?


Nate:  Yup.


Mom:  Oh.  (pause)  Thank you.  


(Another longer pause)

Mom:  Do you want something?  (...Kicked myself for asking, but seriously, what 16 year old just walks in the kitchen and starts loading the dishwasher?)

Nate:  Nope.


Dang farm work ethic...  It's messing with my brain!

Then later in the day I heard clanking of dishes in the kitchen and walked in to see Nate unloading and loading the dishwasher.  (Yes, we really do go through that many dishes around here.)

Me:  You're doing dishes again?


Nate:  Yup.

Me:  Wow.  I'm impressed.

Nate smiles while trying not to smile...something he's pretty good at.

...Signing off now (still a little suspicious but happy with the empty sink in the kitchen).

Sunday Sharing

Sometimes I start thinking of God in His majesty and forget He's the same God who says, "But even the very hairs of your head are all numbered."  (Luke 12: 7)  I love that He loves us that much.

Today we drove to Juniper to see Nate.  (By "we" I mean me, Megan, and Gabby...  Just for the record, Nate, you know who loves you!)  Nate has been on the farm since the beginning of July, and I have missed my boy!

Today before we left to visit him I asked, "Do you miss us?"  

He said, "Yeah."  (Awwwwww......)

I said, "Are you homesick?"

He said, "No."

He loves it there.

I asked him how long he would stay if he could.

He said, "Until school starts."

I love that he loves it there, but I really, really wanted to see him, and in case you all missed it, there is a hint of him also missing us in the above conversation, enough that I knew I wanted to make the drive.

So we drove 2.5 hours north and 2.5 hours back home on a Sunday afternoon to spend 2 hours with Nate.  He drove us around Juniper, and told me stories of the things he's doing there.  He was also proud to show me his log book.  I took a few pictures, but this is my favorite entry:

He told me last week how one of the cats had died under Grandma's bush.  Grandma asked him to move it, so he did.  He's talked about it several times.  I loved that he noted those 5 minutes in his log.  

For some reason, when I drive to Juniper, my brain thinks in metaphors.  For the past several weeks I've been calling Nate, and checking in.  I talk to him.  I ask him if he needs anything.  I even sent him something he needed.  

Then when he was missing us just a little bit, and I was missing him, the mom in me couldn't not go.  Over the past several days as I've talked to him, he's asked about us coming.  Partly, he just wanted us to see him there and to show us what he's doing.  He wanted us close to see things we couldn't see in phone conversations.  He showed me a hill he drove down and told me the story of how quickly he had to discover how the brake and clutch work together to stop a heavy truck, and a few other unknowns of the farm.  When we left, Nate drove us from my parents house to the freeway, then jogged back to their house.  As he left to jog home, he let me hug him--not the stiff hug I got when he left a few weeks ago.  (Nate is my kiddo who is not a hugger...thank goodness a few others are!)  

Metaphor:  God from a distance is majesty.  He's love.  He's our anchor.  I talk to Him, and I travel through my days seeing Him only from a distance.  He asks if I need anything and sometimes He sends things I need.  But I love that amazing feeling that comes when He recognizes that I miss Him just a little more some days than I do others, and for just that little bit of time, He moves into my heart and lets me show Him around.  He shares with me in all the things I've been doing, and lets me show Him not just my joys, but my fears and hurt.  Then somehow by the time he leaves, I'm left with only warmth from His short stay.  I love that He loves and knows me and I know He longs to be close to me, as a parent does with a child.

And in another week we're bringing Nate home so we can have some family vacation time!

He Plowed a Field!

Three days ago, Tim drove Nate to Juniper to work with my dad and brothers on the farm.  I posted this on facebook:  "Nate left this morning to go work on the farm and won't be back until the end of July. It felt a lot like the first day of first grade. Isn't it supposed to get easier as they get older?"


I'm not sure why I felt that little twinge of wanting to hold on, and stop time (anyone who's sent a child to first grade knows what I mean), but I did, and still do.  I didn't feel it when he went to other camps earlier this summer--just when he went to the farm.  I think it was the idea of him growing up so fast...wanting to stop time...wanting to hold on to the little boy with blonde curls and a huge smile.  Instead he's working--growing up and taking on adult responsibilities, and it tugged at my heart a little (still does when I think about it).

A comedy of errors has made it so we haven't talked to him since he got there until tonight.  Even tonight he was difficult to get in touch with, so I finally called my brother, Steve.  One of the first things I heard him say was that Nate had finished plowing a field...

Actually the tractor he was driving looked more like this:

My dad believes they don't make them like they used to...  And he's probably right.  So Nate's first field plowing experience was on the old Caterpillar D6.  Have you ever see how much dust gets stirred up when you're plowing a field?  I remember as a kid being amazed that the only white on my dad when he'd come in off the tractor was his teeth and the whites of his eyes.  I'm trying to picture Nate that dirty.  (Maybe I need my mom to take a picture for me.)  My point is that this tractor doesn't have a cab.  No cab + dust = super dusty day!

Tonight I also got to talk to Nate, and he called Tim also.  We're both proud of him, and the work he's doing.  I asked Nate if it was all a little overwhelming or if he was enjoying it.  Of course he's enjoying it.  I knew he would.  The farm gene that skipped a generation (me) has always been in his blood.  From the time he was little, he's been asking to work on the farm.

And I'm not kidding when I say the farm gene skipped a generation.  Ask anyone in my family.  See the above older Caterpillar D6 model?  I got that stuck while plowing a field...that's how much help I was.  (Yes, apparently a tractor with tracks can get stuck.)

It was good to hear from Nate tonight, and even though we miss his wit and presence at home, we know he's in great hands and having an incredible experience.

...But I might have to sneak in a trip to Idaho just to go visit sometime soon.  I miss my boy!  (And am still a bit amused that the boy who doesn't clean his room plowed a field.)

  

Sixteen

Reality check:  I have a 16 year old.

What a ride!  Way back in the day when it was just me tagging around with him I was pretty sure nothing could have prepared me for the strange mix of awesomeness and stress that I came to know as parenting.  I was just learning about my mom instincts then, and dismissed the feeling I was having that his life would be challenging.  It was difficult to look at those blonde curls and bright blue eyes and imagine anything but bliss.

And thankfully there has been bliss along his challenging road of life...but those challenges I knew instinctively would follow him did.

A few years ago what seemed like just a year of really poor health turned into an autoimmune nightmare, and lead eventually to the diagnosis of PANDAS.  (See here for more information on PANDAS.)  Ours was a relatively short (6 month) road to diagnosis and treatment, and I remember reading everything I could about this condition, including phrases like "debilitating," and "encephalitic-like symptoms."  I remember the curled up withdrawn child who seldom left the couch, and the hours and hours spent in the school counselor's office trying to explain to them that what we were seeing wasn't my son...  And I remember the poor-social-work-mom-who-can't-admit-her-son-has-a-problem look on their faces as we tried without success to get accommodations in place that would help him.  I also remember feeling incredibly thankful for simple things like antibiotics, and doctors who would pursue treatment of a condition which (at the time) was still a little of a gray area.  I remember what it felt like to see my son come back after being lost in the catatonic fog he'd been in for months, and the subsequent years of challenges climbing back from neurological darkness.

Fast forward to 2012...  A few mornings ago I went downstairs to wake him up.  As I walked into his room it hit me that the constantly growing mound of human being that was buried under blankets in my house would only be there for a few more years.  I just stood there for a minute before waking him up (don't tell him), and committed that moment to memory...  The tilt of his head, the mashed hair, the toes sticking out the end of the blanket...even the stinky teen boy room smell.  

Seriously, I can't believe he's mine.  I texted Tim (who left for work this morning before I woke up) and said, "I can't believe we have a 16 year old!"  

He texted back, "Yes, and he is a great kid."  

And he is.  

And we are blessed parents who are celebrating a little more this year than other years because in Nate's life there is a lot to celebrate this year...  Like pushing himself to do this...

Cross Country

...Which was brutal for him because he started out with leg problems, but persisted, and now Megan can't even keep up with him on their runs.

Then there was dragging mom into his brutal world of wrestling (see here and here).  

Then soccer...  (See here.)  And as it turns out, after the extra help in the beginning of the season, Nate went on to score a total of 6 goals for the year.

And scouts, and church, and even youth leadership training (Silver Moccasin)...

And driving and hanging out...

And happy tears (mine) through all the above.

...Not because of anything exceptional, but because this can-do kid, who seemed a few years ago to have lost it all, never gave up.  

Have you ever thought how amazing it is to see the human body in motion?  Or to see a mind engaged and excited about learning and activities?  And I'm more than a little impressed when he walks down the hall and grabs the chin-up bar and pulls himself up...over and over and over.  Trust me.  The human machine is a miracle, and a healed human machine is even more miraculous.

So, so, so much to celebrate...

Playing Catch-up

Life happens so fast!  I know I'll never catch up, but for a few of the bullet points...
Nate finished his soccer season...and he drives, a lot. I have to add that he drives mostly with Tim, because apparently I have PTSD after the whole garage door incident...

I always pictured myself as calm, cool, and collected teaching my kids to drive, but I'm struggling with this one.  He's a good driver (in spite of how the garage door looks), and I did drive with him the first time he drove on the freeway (from Snowville, Utah across the Utah/Idaho border to Juniper, Idaho.)  

(Photos by Megan...from the back seat)

...So I'm not exactly sure how I went from ok to scared about his driving.  For now I'm just ok letting Tim do it, but today I went along for the ride...

Baby steps for mom...or back hand springs, which ever comes first.  (See here for more about back hand springs.)

He'll be 16 in 10 days...  And to the adorable girls who keep texting him:  I'm that kind of parent who does random text checks, so "hey baby," and "morning hon" don't escape my eyes.  (I know, I know...  He's growing up...)

And Megan...star keeper of the Gladiators, musical genius, and friend extraordinaire...  Would it surprise you to hear that sweet Megan has perfected the art of eye rolling and irritated sigh when asked to do anything out of the above 3 preferred categories?  (Truth:  She's an amazing kid.  Amazing!  ...More on her later, I'm sure because she's got some big games coming as well as a spring concert.

Jeran just finished a school play (Twinderella).  He rocks as an actor...really puts his heart into it.  He even sang his solo (a few keys higher than planned because he's fighting the teen voice change).  He also recently cleaned the bathroom without being asked (it happened right after he heard that one of Megan's friends was spending the night while her mom was out of town).  Hmmmmm.....  I'm keeping that in mind for future motivation.

Bad photo...great play

Joie, Joie, Joie...  Love that girl!  She's singing all the time now, and babysitting and working hard on a project for church...more later for her too.

And my cute, cute Gabby girl!  She rocks at soccer.  You should see her kick...and she scored 3 goals in the last game (which at our house means 3 days without having to do jobs...we may be re-thinking that motivator).  It's amazing to see her so new to the game and really starting to get it.  She was good last year, but she's lost her fear and can really go for it this year.  I love her games.  And I love her heart even more.  She's a friend to all.  She thinks of the most amazing things, and loves to help others.  Oh, and her iTouch broke.  The screen cracked.  (Sniff, sniff, cheer!)  Did I really just say that?  Just kidding, Gabby!  And did you know she's also a make-up artist?

Make-up courtesy of Gabby

We also got a new faucet when ours exploded one day right as we were leaving to go to Idaho.  Still on the to-do/to buy list is floors, bathrooms, dryer, downstairs couches, garden, yard, laundry pile...and a new dryer which would help a lot with the laundry pile.  ...And a million other things that never get finished.

And remember earlier this month when I said I'd say more about the time the kids got to spend in Idaho with grandparents while Tim and I were in Oklahoma?  At this point that just isn't going to happen, but here's a link to my mom's blog for that week with some pictures.  (See here.)

Told you it happens fast.  Anyone have a slow motion button?

It's the Little Things That Matter

I've been following a blog lately that really touches me each time I read it.  The blog is called The Kings.  It belongs to a family in Australia who lost a son last fall, and just a few months ago lost their father.  As the now single mother chronicles her family's grief, it takes me back to remembering the feelings (that are often still so real), and remembering details about our own journey through grief that I thought I had forgotten.

Recently, the mother shared a story about one of her little boy's favorite celebrities from the TV show The Wiggles connecting with her little boy in his time of grief (see here).  A blog reader actually initiated the contact, and with such a small action, this little boy's heart was quieted, and there was a smile on his face again.  (You have to read the story...really.  It's amazing.)  It took took me back to all the little things people did for us and for Joie after her family died.  I was amazed at people's small gestures, and always so comforted by their willingness to reach out and connect with us.

And as it turns out, it's the little things that mean a lot to me today also.

On what could have been an exhausting day, I'm finding myself at the end of the day overwhelmed with gratitude.

(First of all, Tim comes home tomorrow, which his actually a big thing, so anything I might say after that might seem insignificant, but maybe it just emphasizes the importance of the little things.)

Tonight I had to run some errands, pick up kids from play practice, take Megan to soccer practice, help my kids find dinner, coordinate rides for girls I teach to a church activity (and be at the activity).  Also there was another church women's activity tonight I couldn't be at because of all the above, and Nate's soccer game I'd miss because of all the above, and getting my oldest two girls to the church to help babysit for the women's activity so other moms could go.

Another mom and dad helped get my girls to the church (little thing #1) while I was picking up girls in my church class to take to the church for our activity.  As soon as the activity started I got a call from the mom who was at Nate's game who was supposed to bring Nate home saying her son was hurt and it was cold so they were leaving early.  I was able to explain to one of the other leaders I needed to go pick up Nate (a 20 minute drive from the church), and figured the game would be over in time for me to return to the church to drive girls home. Of course the game didn't start on time and didn't get over on time, and Nate was still playing when I needed to leave, so a random mom who I've never met before volunteered to bring him home (little thing #2).

And even though it would seem frustrating that I had to be in my car 40 extra minutes today to and from a game I didn't have time to be at, it meant I got to see love in action on a soccer field today, and it touched my heart (little thing #3, that is actually a really, really big thing).

See...Nate has never played soccer before, except maybe once when he was 4 or 5.  He hated it back then.

But he goes to a small high school, and has the opportunity to play this year, and after years of health problems, it's good to see him out there going after life again and trying new things.  He gives me courage, because honestly, after all his health problems, I'd probably give up.  I'm a wimp when it comes to those kind of things.

As he's played sports this year the reactions from coaches have been incredibly supportive and encouraging.  Tonight as he was playing, I could hear his coach encouraging him to "Hustle, Jarman!"  And he did.  I could hear team mates encouraging him, and I saw him respond with an increased effort.  It brought tears to my eyes as I stood there in the cold wind watching him play, and getting into the game in a way I haven't seen him do before.

I had to leave the game before Nate scored a goal...  (DID YOU READ THAT?  NATE SCORED A GOAL!!!)  That one goal is worth 100 of Megan or Gabby's goals in soccer, because the odds haven't been in Nate's favor.

Later when Nate told me about it, he said, "Coach and my team planned it before the game.  They said they'd keep feeding me the ball until I scored...  And I did!"  

It really is the little things that matter, like a coach who cares, and a team of teenage boys who care, and moms who help me get my kids where they need to be when they need to be there, and texts that pick me up and keep me going (little thing #4 & #5).  It's love in action...proof that life matters.

And just a sidenote:  I still don't know the mom's name that gave Nate a ride home tonight, so when I asked him whose mom it was so I could thank her later, he told me (with a completely straight face) that it was the mom of a kid he didn't know from the other team.  I totally fell for it.  Grrrrrrrrrrrr.......

Third Time's The Charm

Look who's driving!

Yesterday Nate walked out of the DMV with his very own learner's permit.  (Gulp!)

As it turns out, my driver's license was expiring on my birthday this year, and what better birthday present than a mother-son date to the DMV? 

As per the unwritten DMV rules of the universe, getting a driver's license has to be a difficult, and this year was no exception.  New legislation in Utah requires all renewal and new applicants to provide a birth certificate, social security card, and proof of address/residence.  I thought the new rules only applied to new applicants, so Nate and I showed up at the DMV on Wednesday afternoon with all his necessary documents in hand.  He was good to proceed...  Obviously, I'd get to return later.

Learner's permit applicants take a test of basic driving rules.  They are allowed to take the test no more than two times a day, as many times as they need to pass the test.  

Nate took the test once the first day...

Then twice...

He'd have to go back again later.

Bonus!  Two mother-son dates to the DMV.

Yesterday we returned to the DMV with my necessary documents in hand.  I stood in the renewal line.  Nate took the test again.

I had all the necessary documents, but my birth certificate was a copy.  Fail!  I was getting a bad case of DMV reject-a-phobia.

Nate on the other hand, finished his test.  The worker at the desk gave him a huge congratulatory smile and said, "Third times the charm!  Do you believe that?"

Nate said, "I do now!"  

Then I drove him to near his school...and he drove me the rest of the way there.  (Gulp!)

I grew up in Idaho and got a license at age 14.  After putting my own son behind the wheel I posted on facebook:   I feel the sudden urge to thank everyone who ever taught me to drive...  I grew up driving on the farm, but to whoever handed me the keys and a license at 14, I can now say I understand that look on your face.

But back to my license dilemma...  I needed an original copy of my birth certificate, which I was lucky enough to find, so I went back to the DMV.  As I returned to the DMV I was sure that the third time would be the charm for me also...

Until my phone rang.

Gabby was sick and had thrown up at school.

I left the DMV to go pick up Gabby.

Later that day I returned to the DMV...Third time that day; fourth time in two days.

Third time's the charm...sort of.

As they handed me my renewed license, I thought to myself, "I will not return to the DMV for four more years..."

Then I realized that in the next four years Nate will get his license; Megan and Jeran will get their permits and licenses; and Joie will have her permit and possibly her license.  

The DMV and I are about to get to know each other very well.  (Gulp!)

Sports Summary

Just in case you were wondering about the outcome of this very intense tournament...

This amazing team took 2nd place...not bad!

I'm also happy to report that in the final game, no coaches were evicted, and the team whose fans and coach struggled with sportsmanship the day before actually didn't place in the tournament.

And #33 was amazing.  

Last spring one of the parents of Gabby's soccer teammates said they would get their daughter a dog if she scored 4 goals that season.  Of course Gabby thought that wasn't fair, and begged and begged for a pet for scoring goals.  Our compromise was a day without jobs for reaching their personal sports goal...which they're all very happy about.

As per our pre-game deal with Megan, she could get out of Saturday jobs if she scored 4 or more points in one of final games.  Saturday was a pretty laid back day for #33, and she earned it.

In other sports news...

How many hungry wrestlers can you fit at a table?

Apparently, Nate's team was going to find out (that would be Nate in the brown shirt).

At their final banquet to celebrate their season, the coach gave out food assignments of every type of food they weren't allowed to eat during the season.  

Hamburgers, chips, soda, desserts...  Let me tell you...These boys can put away food, and more than made up for any food that was off limits during the season.

And of course we think Nate rocks, and we've been so, so, so, so, so happy with his sports adventures this year...  But that's a post for another day.

And on Saturday the entire family attended Gabby's basketball game (because by the end of basketball tournament week, she was absolutely convinced we all loved Megan a whole lot more than we loved her).  She has been nervous to have everyone come watch her play, but in addition to learning basketball she is learning to handle the flare ups of sports jitters that attack her on occasion, and she was awesome!  I love how she is not afraid to jump into sports teams of girls who have been playing sports their entire lives, and pushes herself to develop skills and succeed.  It's no secret we think Gabby rocks!

I've said before I'm a farm girl, and one of the biggest lessons of growing up on a farm was that hard work yields results, and at the end of the day you feel accomplished.

Now that I'm raising my own children in the city, I love how music lessons, sports, and other achievements can do the same thing.  When they work hard, they grow as people, and I love watching them push themselves beyond what they thought they could do to achieve a goal.

Now soccer is around the corner again.  Nate and Megan have already started practices...

Are there trophies for parents who live on the sidelines?

Here We Go...

Nate has been wrestling this year.  Ok moms--help me out.  Anyone out there love to see their kid go mano a mano with anyone?  Me either.  Not even in organized sports.

But the understanding of how athletics can grow great kids has me suppressing the mommy instinct to keep my kiddos under the safety of my own roof, and allow them opportunities to grow as people.

Nate wrestles for a small school, which means they have to frequently travel great distances for matches...which also means I don't get to go offer my support.  (To say I want to go watch would be a lie...it's that maternal instinct kicking in again.)

A few months ago, there was a meet a little closer to home.  The distance was manageable, and I could see myself going.  (Again, that would be for support...not to watch.)

But as I started talking to Nate about going he stopped me abruptly.  He said, "No, mom.  Don't go."  I was kind of surprised.  (After all, what kid doesn't want their parents to cheer from the sidelines?)

Of course I asked why.

"You're not ready," he said.

"Ready for what?"  I asked (imagining some kind of mommy boot camp to prepare before witnessing the brutal sport of wrestling).

"Well, most moms don't like wrestling," he said.  "They don't like to see their kids get beat up."  (Does he know me, or what?)

...So before you go thinking that's just another mommy moment story, I'll jump right in and say it isn't.  It's a metaphor that fits my personality.

I don't like pain...mine or anyone else's.  Any wonder my choice of a healing profession?

And, as with wrestling, I'll give all my support, but sometimes I think I just can't watch.  When there's any red flag in my life that indicates there might be a problem coming, I sometimes feel like that annoying kid with their eyes squeezed shut and hands over their ears singing, "La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la....I can't hear you!"  (So mature.  I know.)

But usually after a while I stop screaming, and open my eyes, and take a peek, and figure out that the only way around is through...and I start to realize that the only pain you can't endure is the pain you can't to take to God.

I can't be more specific than that.  Sorry.  Just can't.  Like I said, I was the observer in this pain, so it isn't mine to share.  But I can say that families seem to be the perfect laboratory for learning...

And for forgiving, repenting, growing, and healing.

And at the end of the day I love my imperfect laboratory, and wouldn't trade it for any sterile, white, perfect laboratory in the world.

Never, ever.

Because I love what we become when we grow together as mortal beings engaged in this portion of our eternal experience.

And when I need a reminder, I look at this:

And this:

And when I look closely, I see a family that has formed and grown out of love, and a family that experiences joy...

And also experiences pain and imperfection...

And has grown together through roads that often feel like the end...

But are really new beginnings.

And when I look at it that way, I'd have to say that we're not very much unlike most other families we know.  

It's a beautiful (and sometimes really bumpy) ride.