Mom, Why Aren't You Blogging Anymore?

For some reason, the subject of our family blog has been a topic of conversation around our house lately...

And then the question:  Mom, why aren't you blogging anymore?  

To which I reply...  (sound of crickets chirping)

At one point, it was just because my health was horrible and I just didn't have it in me, but I honestly don't have a good reason anymore.  Illness has passed...  Health is returning...  The catch up game is calming down...  

So here I go again.  For real.  

When our children were younger, I kept a family journal.  When I figured out blogging, this became our family journal.  When our children were younger, they liked reading out of our family journal.  Mostly, it made us laugh.  It was also fun to see the growth and changes.  I know they all check our blog, even now that they're older, but I didn't know they missed it.   

So for the updates: 

Nate:  Knee injury, which I think I may have already mentioned...  Healing...  Not healing...  Surgery...  No Surgery...  And then finally, surgery today.  I promised I wouldn't post the requisite hospital gown pics, even though he was just sitting in bed waiting to go into surgery when I snapped the photo.  Actually, he did say I could include the picture, but I think he also said I'd have to pay him $50.00 or something like that.  He told Tim $10.00.  Sheesh!  Does he think he's a movie star?  The picture posted was actually one I took of him right after his injury--back in December. As far as I know, there are no royalties imposed for that picture.

But about the surgery:  It was torn cartilage...and a piece of cartilage floating around in his knee.  The pain around his ACL was actually a ganglion cyst on the bone near his ACL, which they don't do much about unless it is specifically causing pain.  There was also some other inflammation and signs of a pretty traumatic knee injury that was trying to heal.  They'll start physical therapy again in a few weeks.

Meanwhile, he hopes every day we find a car for him to drive...  We're looking.  We may have found something.  I hope so.  (But he can't drive for a few weeks anyway, so the pressure is off for now.)

He's also got a job now.  He works at Arctic Circle.  In his own words, "I'm Sponge Bob,"  (which really means he's a fry cook).  The newness of the job wore off enough for him to brave just one more interview at an auto mechanic shop, which is perfect for Nate.  It sounds like he got the job, so he may be moving up from Sponge Bob to...not sure which character I should insert here, but picture someone helping out around a mechanic shop...cleaning up, running errands, changing oil, etc.  That's his new gig.

Megan:  In a word, "sports."  And singing.  And friends.  But mostly sports.  Basketball season is over, but she wanted to make it longer, and wishes there was enough time to have eternal soccer and basketball seasons.  Soccer has started with the first two games being cancelled, third being played in the rain, followed by a week of coughing and sore throat, and another game scheduled to play in the rain/snow tomorrow.   She loves her comp team, but has outgrown them, which means a lot of team try-outs in the near future.  She's awesome.

And friends...  She'd probably also do that 24/7 if she could.  I love that this girl doesn't ever get sucked into the drama of teen life.  

And singing...  I think we're the only carpool where the ukelele is preferred to the radio.  (Some days it's both, but usually that makes the driver (moi) a bit nuts so we try to limit ourselves to one music source at a time.)  Megan and her BFF who carpools with us both love to sing, and now they both have ukeleles.  It's a sing-along carpool.  Mostly everyone else is ok with that.  

At home she sings too.  All the time.  Most parents threaten to take away iPods or phones if kids don't do homework or chores, but with Megan I have to take away the ukelele.  (Although she did go through some minor withdrawal symptoms when she left her iPod on the game bus one day and couldn't find it until the next week.)

And she loves photography (see above self-portriat).  She is saving for an expensive camera.  She's almost there.  Go Megan!

And she said something really amazing today, and made my day.  She said all her friends say their parents don't listen to them, and she told them she can talk to her parents.  (Huge smile.)  She also said, "Yeah,  my mom's a therapist."  Apparently you need a degree to talk to kids.  (Tim is just awesome enough to do it without a degree.) 

Jeran:  Just to explain the picture...  Jeran has had some asthma problems this winter.  We thought asthma was behind him, but over the last year and a half it's back.  Usually he's ok, but he got a cold that kept him from going camping over spring break with the scouts...  Apparently breathing is that important.  Later that day we ended up in the doctor's office getting a nebulizer treatment, which he hasn't had since he was about 2 years old, and didn't remember at all.  When the nurse gave him the tube that was spewing funky nebulizer mist, he looked at me and said, "Mom, this doesn't feel legal."  Yes, he's that funny all the time.

He actually left earlier today for a speech festival.  They're staying in Cedar City overnight.  He's in a play next week...The Importance of Being Earnest.  He's the butler.  And he needs a tuxedo shirt and bow tie.  I found a bow tie on Amazon, but I don't want to pay for a tuxedo shirt.  Anyone have one we can borrow?

This kid is constantly a whirlwind of activity.  If it's  not something with school, it's friends.  And he has awesome friends.  One day earlier this year, I was going into the high school with my arms full.  Instantly, three students rushed the doors and held them open for me.  They were Jeran's friends.

He's also into all things geek.  But he's not a geek.  (Really, he's not.)  But he can't wait for next weeks release of Iron Man 3.  I think he has tickets for the midnight showing when it's released.

He's taller than me and stronger than me and smarter than me and he knows it.  And he's great at getting things done so he has time for friends and fun...  And I'm sure he thinks Nate is a better chauffeur than Tim or I because Nate will stop anywhere.  I know there are stories upon stories I don't even know about their time together...just between brothers I guess.  I hope one day they'll tell me (someday when removing privileges is no longer an option).  Meanwhile, I just tell myself that they're just kidding and that really there is nothing that happens on their outings that they wouldn't share with me, because it makes me feel better when I tell myself that.  And "in my world everyone's a pony and they all eat rainbows and poop butterflies."  (credit:  Dr. Seuss)

Joie:  Once upon a time there was a mom who was happy with three beautiful children.  Then unexpectedly one day, a little girl who knew hurt and loneliness beyond belief came into that mom's life, and showed her the joy of living (joie de vivre).  That girl is Joie.  (The picture is her with her cousin, Kedric, who is named after Joie's dad.)

She was also in a play at school.  She was a patient in an insane asylum who thought she was in an army.  She got to dress in camouflage and carry a fake weapon.  (Yes, even in school...  Don't tell anyone.)

And here's a really funny story.  Joie is fearless.  That's F-e-a-r-l-e-s-s with a capital F.  And flirty.  Also with a capital F.  On second thought, I won't tell the story.  (But if you ask, I'll tell you.)  But the other funny part of the story was this...  A few days after she was gutsy and fearless and asked a guy to be her Valentine, Tim was driving the kids to school and stopped at the store for donuts (because he's cool and awesome like that...insert picture of upset mom).  Joie's valentine was also at the store.  Tim rolled down the window and called his name.  Yes, really.  Because he's gutsy and fearless like Joie, but it turns out when dad is being gutsy and fearless, children are usually embarrassed and humiliated.  Ok, maybe not humiliated, but embarrassed.  And possibly he lost a few cool and awesome points also.

Other amazing things this girls does:  She's a brainiac.  The straight A kind of brainiac.  And she recently started Tae Kwon Do.  Her older cousin, Adrienne, was here for the week over spring break.  She knew of a gym through a friend here in Utah where she could attend training/workouts for a week. They let Joie and Gabby join with Adrienne, and they got hooked.  She broke boards last week.  Don't mess with her. And another funny story...  Son of the TKD master goes to Joie's school and had just been hitting on Joie and her friend.  He walked into the gym one day toward the end of a workout, and was probably super surprised to see her there.  (And I thought of all kinds of things I wanted to say to him, but didn't.)

And she's a good person.  She recently had a friend tell her she was too happy.  Life isn't without challenges, for sure.  There are still moments of missing the people who loved her before this little girl came into our life, but she knows genuine happiness also.  She is strong, and a good friend who listens and understands.  I told her tonight when we were talking about girl drama, "You don't sweat the small stuff because you know there are bigger problems in the world."  And it's true (unless the small stuff is with siblings.  She still knows how to push those buttons.)

Gabby:  This picture is for Grandma Campbell.  She is wrapped in a baby blanket made by grandma.  My mom made blankets for all our kids when they were babies.  Recently she realized she didn't get to do this for Gabby, or for two other grand children who were adopted from foster care by my sister.  She asked them about colors and styles, and a few weeks later, the blankets came in the mail.  Apparently Grandma blankets bring joy at all ages.  I tried to get her to save them somewhere special for her kids, but for now, they're her reading blankets in her room.

And she's caught up almost completely in school.  She pushes herself every day.  She never misses homework, and I don't have to remind her.  She wants to be a doctor when she grows up, or play professional soccer.  She and a friend recently made their life plan:  Live together when they go to college, and play soccer in college, then be professional soccer players, then doctors.  And never get married.

And she rocks at soccer, and being a friend.  Gabby got sucked into some friend drama at school this year, and it's been tuff, but she's a smart girl, and doesn't let it happen anymore.  (Can I just say I'm so glad the being a friend trait seems to run through my girls...huge sigh of relief.)  Her teacher and other adults identify her as a leader in groups.  Charisma defines this girl.

She's been busy lately, but keeps up.  We usually say only one activity at a time for the kids, but Tae Kwon Do came knocking right after she signed up for soccer, and she does it all.  And she still goes to ESL (English Second Language) tutoring four hours a week.  One day this week she went from soccer to TKD with less than 20 minutes in between, and did chores and homework too.  We decided next soccer season we'll suspend TKD for a few months. She might be able to keep up, but it wears me out!

Since school started last fall, Gabby has been remembering a lot of details about her life in India that I've never heard before.  I can see her get stirred up once in a while, and know there is something in her mind ready to break free from where ever she's kept it stored before now... Details of her mom's death.  Details of how she handled that loss, and how her brother handled that loss.  Details of what her mom taught her before she died.  Details of how she got here...and so much more.  That's a lot of remembering, which isn't easy.  A few months ago I started reading "The Whole Brain Child," by Daniel Siegel (great book, by the way), and just this week attended a conference where he presented.  The key of "integration" is the main concept of his book (both within the brain, and in relationships and life).  Gabby is integration, because when she isn't, she pushes herself to make meaning out of her many, many stories of hurt and loss.  She inspires me to be a better person.

In fact, all of them do.  I keep waiting for the proverbial "other foot" to drop in our teen world, but so far it hasn't.  I seriously love this time in their lives.  There is so much teen energy in this house that some days I think I could bottle it and sell it.  (Who wouldn't pay cash to feel the energy of teenagers?)  But for now I'll just breathe it in and soak it up, because it's the kind of energy that can't be bottled.  I know it will be gone in a blink, and as crazybusy as it gets most days, I'm glad I'm up to my eyeballs in it.  Wouldn't trade it for anything.

A Little Bit of Bliss

This has not been a good health year for me...  Mono that goes away but keeps lingering, and makes it so my eternal to-do list only grows and grows and grows.  Now I've started off 2013 with a full blown case of the flu...  Achy, feverish, sore throat.  I need a new immune system

But the bliss...

Nate got his driver's license on December 31st, 2012.

The last few days while I've been sick, he's been the taxi driver.

Bliss!

I posted on facebook that if nothing else happens in 2013, my life will be complete.

...Ignoring the story of old man who didn't do a head check and almost merged into Nate.

...Ignoring that in a few weeks he'll be incapacitated because of knee surgery.

...Just enjoying it right here, right now.

New Chapter

My facebook post today:  "Dear 2012--  You pushed me around and even tried to intimidate me a little, but after all that, I'm still here, and you're going away.  Ba-bye!"

One thing I learned in 2012:  Better self understanding...learning how the things I react to in others are lessons about myself.  (...Still going to keep working on that one in 2013, since I learned it rather reluctantly in 2012...took most of the year, in fact.)  

Another thing I learned:  There is a whole lot of good in the bad.  2012 brought so many blessings...personal growth, family growth, job growth, opportunities, friendships, love, renewed acquaintances...so, so many blessings.  But I've admitted before that I'm a wimp when it comes to pain, and I'll be the first to hope that 2013 offers me far fewer growth opportunities than 2012.

But just in case, my motto for 2013 is: 

image credit

I heard another great quote this year:  "When you own your own breath, no one can steal your peace.  Keep breathing."  (Breathing in...breathing out...)

Happy New Year!

The Whole Family Got Promoted

How often is it the whole family gets promoted all at once?  Really.  Pretty rare, right?

Well, it happened to the Jarmans.

For starters, all five children got promoted to new grades in school.  Nate is a (gulp) junior in high school.  Megan and Jeran are high school freshmen.  Joie is a "sevie"  (a.k.a. seventh grader), and Gabby is in 5th grade.

Back to school pics...

My neighbor was kind enough to take one of Gabby.  (I have a legitimate excuse.  Really.  Just keep reading.)

Gabby and her walking buddy, McKenna, whose mom will double as a pseudo mom in a pinch and does amazing things like sign planners for Gabby when she forgets to have me sign it, and takes back to school pics of my children.  Don't they look thrilled?

And some real back-to-school photos.  Adjusting to the schedule was hard work for Gabby...

Asleep on mom's lap during Family Home Evening

Another one:

Second day of school...asleep running errands after school

And no one else fought sleep either.  We've all been recovering from a summer cold, and tired was going around.

Then on Wednesday, in the middle of a week of intense teaching, Tim got long awaited news that he got a promotion he put in for months and months ago...like last spring.  (Extremely loud, very exuberant cheering.)  Well deserved, indeed.  He's amazing like that.

I was also promoted.  (And just how do you get a promotion when you're a private practice therapist?)  You move to a bigger office, with a lot of colleagues, maintain your private practice status (read:  still be your own boss), and in partnership with a group of like-minded clinicians (read:  over exposure to pure awesomeness), you offer a wider range of services and pinch yourself because you could have never imagined, in a million years, you'd be doing something this amazing.

Last June we signed the lease.  In July we painted and got new carpet (in all our spare time), and in August we waited...and decorated (not me, but others who have the decorating gift), got our city licenses, changes addresses with insurance panels, and a hundred other little details associated with moving.  Finally, this last week, we moved.  (...The week school started...insane, right?  Which is why I don't have back to school picture, but I did get all my children to school every day with back to school paperwork and notes signed, school supplies bought, and to all their gazillion practices, mostly on time). And I saw a full caseload, furnished and decorated a play therapy room, and my own office...

My family has been stellar!  They're troopers, I tell you.  Troopers!

They helped.

A lot.

And the end result is something really amazing.  I see my first clients Tuesday in my new office.  Exciting doesn't begin to describe how I feel.  (Check us out by clicking on our logo below.)

After months and months of work and waiting, South Valley Clinical services is a reality.

And of course there was celebration involved...

Times like this feel soooooooo good.

And Nate topped it off with a new personal best time on a cold-ish, sort of rainy morning cross country meet.  

Now that's a wrap!

Power Kicker

 Trust me...  It's hard to find a more powerful kick than the one in these feet!

In her 3rd soccer season since she's been in our family, Gabby was on fire!  She scored a total of 7 goals (I think...we kind of lost track.)  And if she kicks, you better back up.  One time one of the other coaches kept telling his girls, "You better back up!  That one has a leg!"

There she is...SHE ROCKS!

Tonight was her final game of the season and she scored on a kick from mid-field.  She's already sad that the season is over.  I think she needs a season in between seasons.  Can't wait for fall!

Go Gabby!

(Photos courtesy of Megan!)

To My Amazing Happy Girls, I Love You, I Do!

This afternoon was Joie and Megan's spring singing concert...actually them and about 30 other budding vocalists.  Great performances, all of them!  I'll be quiet now and let their performances speak for themselves...

Joie singing "Happy Girl" by Martina McBride:

...By the way, Joie had laryngitis this week, and has worked hard to preserve and restore those amazing pipes for today.  The most interesting home remedy we heard about...white bean sprout and lemon juice broth.  Anyone know where to get white bean sprouts?  We seriously would have tried it if we could have found them.

And now...the amazing Megan singing "I Love You, I Do" by Jennifer Hudson

And Megan's soccer team just finished their season last night with only 2 losses.  We'll take it!

Good job girls.  You rock!!!

Playing Catch-up

Life happens so fast!  I know I'll never catch up, but for a few of the bullet points...
Nate finished his soccer season...and he drives, a lot. I have to add that he drives mostly with Tim, because apparently I have PTSD after the whole garage door incident...

I always pictured myself as calm, cool, and collected teaching my kids to drive, but I'm struggling with this one.  He's a good driver (in spite of how the garage door looks), and I did drive with him the first time he drove on the freeway (from Snowville, Utah across the Utah/Idaho border to Juniper, Idaho.)  

(Photos by Megan...from the back seat)

...So I'm not exactly sure how I went from ok to scared about his driving.  For now I'm just ok letting Tim do it, but today I went along for the ride...

Baby steps for mom...or back hand springs, which ever comes first.  (See here for more about back hand springs.)

He'll be 16 in 10 days...  And to the adorable girls who keep texting him:  I'm that kind of parent who does random text checks, so "hey baby," and "morning hon" don't escape my eyes.  (I know, I know...  He's growing up...)

And Megan...star keeper of the Gladiators, musical genius, and friend extraordinaire...  Would it surprise you to hear that sweet Megan has perfected the art of eye rolling and irritated sigh when asked to do anything out of the above 3 preferred categories?  (Truth:  She's an amazing kid.  Amazing!  ...More on her later, I'm sure because she's got some big games coming as well as a spring concert.

Jeran just finished a school play (Twinderella).  He rocks as an actor...really puts his heart into it.  He even sang his solo (a few keys higher than planned because he's fighting the teen voice change).  He also recently cleaned the bathroom without being asked (it happened right after he heard that one of Megan's friends was spending the night while her mom was out of town).  Hmmmmm.....  I'm keeping that in mind for future motivation.

Bad photo...great play

Joie, Joie, Joie...  Love that girl!  She's singing all the time now, and babysitting and working hard on a project for church...more later for her too.

And my cute, cute Gabby girl!  She rocks at soccer.  You should see her kick...and she scored 3 goals in the last game (which at our house means 3 days without having to do jobs...we may be re-thinking that motivator).  It's amazing to see her so new to the game and really starting to get it.  She was good last year, but she's lost her fear and can really go for it this year.  I love her games.  And I love her heart even more.  She's a friend to all.  She thinks of the most amazing things, and loves to help others.  Oh, and her iTouch broke.  The screen cracked.  (Sniff, sniff, cheer!)  Did I really just say that?  Just kidding, Gabby!  And did you know she's also a make-up artist?

Make-up courtesy of Gabby

We also got a new faucet when ours exploded one day right as we were leaving to go to Idaho.  Still on the to-do/to buy list is floors, bathrooms, dryer, downstairs couches, garden, yard, laundry pile...and a new dryer which would help a lot with the laundry pile.  ...And a million other things that never get finished.

And remember earlier this month when I said I'd say more about the time the kids got to spend in Idaho with grandparents while Tim and I were in Oklahoma?  At this point that just isn't going to happen, but here's a link to my mom's blog for that week with some pictures.  (See here.)

Told you it happens fast.  Anyone have a slow motion button?

Imagination Awakening

Confession time:  It's been almost 5 years since I've read a fiction novel.  Sad, right?

I think at first I wasn't even aware I wasn't reading fiction.  I like to read and I was still reading...

• Psychology reference books...
• Biographies...lots of biographies...
• Religious books...
• How-To books...
• Cookbooks...

But no fiction.

Several times I'd pick up fiction books my children were interested in reading, books that previously would have grabbed my attention, only to put them down within a few pages of picking them up.  Once I thought it was because I needed something really interesting...even popular, so I started reading a copy of Twilight (gasp!).

Nothing.  Not even a stirring of my imagination.

I missed my imagination.  We actually used to be good friends.  For as long as I've been alive I've made up stories in my mind, and imagined characters, and story lines...

But on my imagination slept.

After a few years I figured it out.  The last fiction book I read was Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.  I finished reading it around the first part of August in 2007.  (I remember because we were on vacation and I couldn't put it down.)

It seemed that my imagination and love of fiction was yet another casualty of the grief and subsequent adjustments we experienced when Joie's family died.  It seemed that the harsh reality of our lives during those difficult years required staying in touch with reality in a way that was threatened by fiction.  I had no time or place for my old friend, Imagination.

As I entered 2012, I decided this would be the year to just jump in.  (See here.)

So when Megan came to me a few months ago, asking me to read Hunger Games so she could watch the movie with me, I decided to renew my friendship with my long lost friend, the fiction genre.

I started reading...

Not even a chapter into the book I was restless...

Too busy...

Too distracted by reality...

But I went back to it, and kept reading...

And when I thought I didn't have a time or place in my very real life adventure for fiction, I told the Type A part of me to take a break, and went back to reading.

...Several months later I'm happy to report I finished Hunger Games, not before the movie (although that was certainly motivation to finish), but I did finish.  Megan and Jeran ended up taking a friend instead when the movie opened because they wanted me to finish the book before I saw the movie, but I think I could twist their arms to go with me again...just maybe.

To be quite honest, I didn't love the book, but that's not the point, and this isn't a book review...it's a commentary on life, and the funny things we find ourselves doing to cope...

And how all these years later I can find myself still locked in a relationship with grief...

And how as we continue to reclaim parts of ourselves that were lost temporarily to tragedy, we realize how sweet life really is.

Now I'm reading another fiction book recommended to me by a friend.  All I can say is:

Dear Imagination:  It's sooooooo good to have you back.  Just typing your name, I-m-a-g-i-n-a-t-i-o-n, feels liberating.  Promise me if you ever sleep again, you'll always return...forever and ever and ever, as long as I live.  A few years ago I thought my life had outgrown you, but in the words of Ralph Waldo Emerson, "Imagination...is the health of every person."  Thank you for sleeping patiently while you waited for me to return.
Your forever friend,
Mary

Sports Summary

Just in case you were wondering about the outcome of this very intense tournament...

This amazing team took 2nd place...not bad!

I'm also happy to report that in the final game, no coaches were evicted, and the team whose fans and coach struggled with sportsmanship the day before actually didn't place in the tournament.

And #33 was amazing.  

Last spring one of the parents of Gabby's soccer teammates said they would get their daughter a dog if she scored 4 goals that season.  Of course Gabby thought that wasn't fair, and begged and begged for a pet for scoring goals.  Our compromise was a day without jobs for reaching their personal sports goal...which they're all very happy about.

As per our pre-game deal with Megan, she could get out of Saturday jobs if she scored 4 or more points in one of final games.  Saturday was a pretty laid back day for #33, and she earned it.

In other sports news...

How many hungry wrestlers can you fit at a table?

Apparently, Nate's team was going to find out (that would be Nate in the brown shirt).

At their final banquet to celebrate their season, the coach gave out food assignments of every type of food they weren't allowed to eat during the season.  

Hamburgers, chips, soda, desserts...  Let me tell you...These boys can put away food, and more than made up for any food that was off limits during the season.

And of course we think Nate rocks, and we've been so, so, so, so, so happy with his sports adventures this year...  But that's a post for another day.

And on Saturday the entire family attended Gabby's basketball game (because by the end of basketball tournament week, she was absolutely convinced we all loved Megan a whole lot more than we loved her).  She has been nervous to have everyone come watch her play, but in addition to learning basketball she is learning to handle the flare ups of sports jitters that attack her on occasion, and she was awesome!  I love how she is not afraid to jump into sports teams of girls who have been playing sports their entire lives, and pushes herself to develop skills and succeed.  It's no secret we think Gabby rocks!

I've said before I'm a farm girl, and one of the biggest lessons of growing up on a farm was that hard work yields results, and at the end of the day you feel accomplished.

Now that I'm raising my own children in the city, I love how music lessons, sports, and other achievements can do the same thing.  When they work hard, they grow as people, and I love watching them push themselves beyond what they thought they could do to achieve a goal.

Now soccer is around the corner again.  Nate and Megan have already started practices...

Are there trophies for parents who live on the sidelines?

Intense!

# 33 is the most awesome player in the world!

This amazing team is playing their final regional game tomorrow for the regional championship title.  They play a team they've won before, and also lost to before.  This same team also lost to the team that Megan's team beat today...  Are you following me here?  

Basically tomorrow is going to be an intense game, even more intense than today...

Which was super intense!  

Crazy fans screaming at referees...

The other team ahead by 8 points a few different times...

The other team's coach being ejected from the game with two technical fouls.  

But Megan's team always rallied, and guess what?

They play for the regional championship tomorrow...

Can't wait!  

Sing Your Heart Out (And More Tears)

I don't sing...at least not well.  I wish I did.  I think I can carry a tune, but then again I wouldn't know.  Once when I was younger my mom told me I was tone deaf, so I think that means it might have been painful for her to listen to my try to carry a tune.  I'm pretty sure I'm not tone deaf...just not a great singer.  I'm the kind of person who sings to the car stereo, or in church (very softly).

I do enjoy music, and I enjoy listening to people sing.  It amazes me that the human voice could be an instrument, and can reach a place inside us that words alone don't touch.

I have children who are great singers.  I love listening to them, not only because they've got a great voice, but also because they're my children.  There is just something fabulous about witnessing the amazing, independent accomplishments of children as they develop their own talents and abilities.

Joie is one of the great singers in our family.  She always has been, even before she was in our family.  She used to sing with her mom, and had an incredibly sweet and pitch-perfect voice.  She sang a few times after her mom died, but then kind of just stopped.  She wasn't interested, and even said she couldn't sing.  This past year she's finding her voice again, which is still just as amazing as it ever was...and she's signed up for lessons starting next week.

Yesterday was the New Beginnings Program for the girls 12-18 at church.  I knew Megan and Joie had been working hard on preparations for this program, but the preparations were top secret, so I didn't know much of what was going on.

Early in the program, all the girls stood to sing.  Out of nowhere, starting the song, I heard Joie's absolutely beautiful voice singing a solo, followed by others joining in.  It didn't even take 10 seconds for tears to start flowing from my eyes.  I couldn't see Joie at first from where I was sitting, and I could have sworn I heard Ruth (her mom) singing.  As Joie gets older, I hear her mom's voice more and more as she speaks, and even as she sings.  I try to prepare myself so it doesn't catch me off guard and turn me into a puddle of tears, but there was no preparation last night.  I had no idea she was singing.  It turns out that an older girl had the solo part, and lost her voice right before the program, and couldn't sing.  The leaders asked Joie if she knew the words and could take the other girl's solo, so she did.

It was beautiful and amazing, of course...

But there I was, once again crying in the middle of one of Joie's programs, missing her mom, and her mom's beautiful voice, and being once again aware that I was there enjoying that moment because her other mom was no longer here.

I have this distraction trick I've learned for public moments like this, just to prevent tears from turning into the ugly cry, right there in public.  I look away.  I focus on something else.  Anything else.  I tune out the world that threatens to bring the emotions pouring out of me...  Not healthy, I know, but it beats sobbing and walking out (which I have also had to do).

I had to use the distraction trick last night.  (Sigh.)  And I'll probably use it again...not every time, but in those moments where I'm just caught off guard and can't help it.

Thank goodness for those little pieces of them that live on in her.  Their love lives on in her too, because the other thought I couldn't chase from my mind last night when I was thinking of Ruth was all those times Ruth would sing with her, and practice with her, and encourage her to sing.  Behind that beautiful voice is a lot of love...a gift for sure.

Do As I Say, Not As I Do...

Guess who was Star Student this week?  

(Hint:  Her name starts with a "G" and ends with "abby".)

And I'm proud to report that with the exception of one brief brain lapse (see more about recent brain lapses here), I didn't forget anything all week.  (Never mind that the brain lapse happened the first day of the week...nothing an email reminder from her teacher couldn't repair.)  

But aside from that one brain lapse, the Start Student made it to school every day with requisite posters, show-and-tell items, and family members in tact on the appropriate days at the appropriate times.  

Friday (today) was the day for class treats.  From the beginning of the year, as a dedicated member of the PTA board (when I remember to show up to meetings), I've completely championed the idea of the new Healthy Kids campaign in our elementary school.  I even incorporated Healthy Kids into Red Ribbon Week to get it out there in front of parents, and to spread the word.  Then as rewards for the winners in our Red Ribbon Week contest, we involved the winning classes in a fun physical activity rather than a donut party.  I was gung-ho Healthy Kids all the way!

So when it was time for Gabby to take a classroom treat as Star Student, I decided to join the ranks of the dedicated parents who have chosen to substitute sugary snacks with a game or fun prizes rather than send students home from school all sugared up.

Best of intentions...

Enter the wild card...Gabby!  (Can't believe I just called my own daughter a wild card, but for those who know Gabby, it fits.)

We talked all week about possible fun prizes or fun activities with her class, but even after all my best efforts, Gabby just couldn't be swayed.  I was facing a life-sized parent dilemma:  Do I:  

a) let the Star Student be the Star Student and choose her own class treat?

b) use parent veto power and override the Star Student's main request for the week?

Also tugging at my heart was the idea of a girl who was star for a week, and got to call all the shots, who has missed out on the opportunity to be the star in her own life so many times before...times when adults didn't even protect her, let alone care about her choice of class treat on Star Student week.  What would a little sugar hurt?

I'm also a little embarrassed to add that my ego was playing a role in this decision.  The oldest daughter of the mom in charge of Healthy Kids is in Gabby's class.  There was a part of me that, in spite of my daughter being Star Student, wanted to push her to make a healthy choice just to save face.  (Yes, next I'll be starring in my own version of Desperate Housewives.)

The mom who values my child's independent spirit and new-found ability to learn to direct her own life won out.  Gabby and I walked through the front doors of the school this morning loaded down with bags of cookies and sugary drinks, all designated for consumption by one very excited 4th grade class...right past the principal...right past the front office...  I felt like I was smuggling contraband into the school.

I think my ego was showing again when I nervously tried explaining to Gabby's teacher why I was bringing sugar instead of a fun prize for the class...  I'm sure she doesn't care, but I felt the need to explain myself anyway.  When the words, "Gabby's choice" escaped my lips, I knew I didn't have to explain.  Her body language told me she knew the same independent minded girl I knew.  

Go Gabby!

Adoption Awareness Month: Meet Megan

Let me introduce you to one of my favorite adoptees:

Isn't she beautiful?

13 years, 2 months, and 19 days ago I held Megan in my arms for the first time, and couldn't believe she was ours.  At just a few days shy of three months old, she was the most alert baby I had seen at that age--not at all what I was expecting (and she walked at 8 months... No wonder it didn't ever feel ever like she was a baby).

When we met Megan at the airport, we weren't sure what to expect.  We had already been in love with her weeks before she arrived, but knew she didn't know us from all the other strangers in the airport.  I remember how difficult it was to have so much love for her, and have her look at us with uncertainty and curiosity.  Even though I knew we didn't create the loss that brought her to us, I knew we represented that loss to her.  In a moment of panic, I began to question our decision. 

Then in one of those moments of truth, when we were at the car and I buckled her in her car seat, I looked back and saw three babies where one month earlier there had been only one.  I looked down at Megan who was looking up at me.  I swear her tiny infant self knew exactly the panic I was feeling in my heart, because she literally put her hand on top of mine, and I felt a current of love pass between us that was so real I knew our souls had been connected before and we were finding each other again.  It was a magic and spiritual moment that I've never forgotten.

Megan is still that same kind, loving soul.  It's a part of her nature, and that sense I had of who she was hasn't changed.  It has been our blessing to have her in our family.  I call her the family glue.  Literally, she is the bond between the boys and the girls, and as the first adopted child, she has helped the newer adopted members of our family to feel connected and make the transition to a new family and new life.  We are so blessed to have her in our lives!

Besides being a gifted friend and athlete, Megan also has a beautiful voice.  She's never had voice lessons, but she's always loved to sing, and in the past year has found the courage inside her to perform.  (That doesn't run in the family...trust me!)  Yesterday evening, she stood up in front of a junior high auditorium full of peers and parents at a fall music concert and sang a solo.  Yes, a solo.  She sang one of our favorite family songs, that (we think) tells the story of adoption.  I even blogged about it (here) last year before we went to meet Gabby.  

So here is Megan, sining "Bless The Broken Road," by Rascal Flatts.  We're glad Megan's road brought her to our family!  (And what would a performance be without camera issues...I've never changed batteries so quickly.)

We love you Megan!

The Leap

It's been a year since I made a huge leap and went into private practice.

Yup.

Just me.

Flying solo.

At that point I had been employed for five years outside the home.  I've always said I choose to work, and have only worked out of the home since all my children have been in school.  Mostly Tim's crazy schedule and my schedule have been able to coordinate and somehow we managed two full-time jobs, with only a little help with childcare a few days a week during the summer.  As a family we'd like to think we could live on one income if necessary, at least that's what we've always told ourselves...that if it didn't work out with Tim's schedule and my schedule to coordinate so we could be parents first, we'd make adjustments.

So when we started talking about this huge leap we knew a business wouldn't be profitable right off, and the plan was to work part-time while I built up my business.

Best laid plans...  Within a few months I got an unplanned push when Tim was given a detail at work that involved a lot of travel and a not-so-flexible schedule, right when our children would have been out of school for the summer.

Ready or not...

Huge leap. 

Now we'd really get to test that whole living on one income idea...while paying to start a business...in the middle of a bad economy.  And what's that?  An adoption?  (Gulp.)  No worries.  Somehow we'll manage...

I was fortunate enough to be able to take some clients with me when I made the transition, but when my vision of clients lined up outside my door as soon as I was ready to start seeing clients didn't materialize, reality started to sink in.

I was told by other therapists that it takes about 18 months to be really profitable as a therapist.  (Sigh.)

Fortunately, even with the craziness of an adoption and all the adjustments involved I was able to start covering my own expenses within the first few months.

Now a year later (actually 11 months after I started) I was able to start paying myself.  (This is where I pat myself on the back...  And they said 18 months.)

But the payment has come in other ways that have made all the sacrifices adjustments worth it.

I love being my own boss.

I love setting my own schedule.

My office is two minutes from my house and from the kids' schools (vs. 30 minutes before).  I can volunteer, go to programs, (and the best part) schedule time off while the kids are in school to go on dates with Tim.

And did I mention being able to be here after school during the busy homework time?  One of us has usually always been here during that time anyway, but honestly, mostly it was Tim and I hated missing that time of day (weird, I know).  It's been nice to choose one day a week for late appointments, and leave the other days open to be here during those busy hours.

So would I do it again?

Absolutely.  Every dip and turn of what has been one wildly, crazy ride.

And on those particularly crazy, wild days, when I was tempted to pick up the phone and ask for my old job back, I could flip my calendar back to last July and see those two clients I had scheduled, vs. the growth since then...  It's all about perspective.

S-L-O-W

S-L-O-W is how I feel lately.  Summer always slows the pace a little, which is a good thing (usually).

But this summer I found myself moving slower than usual, which lead me to having a surgery I have been putting off for a while.  There was a point where I just had to acknowledge that I wouldn't magically get better without surgery, and I knew that from day one of surgery, I'd be 6 weeks closer to healing...so I did what I had needed to do for while.

The recovery is predicted to be 6 weeks.  I'm at the end of week one.

...Told you this summer was S-L-O-W.

It's slowed down blogging also.  But today when I was mindlessly checking email...facebook...blog (yes, S-L-O-W), I found a new traffic source on my website.

Their button is on my sidebar, so it was familiar, but still I had to check it out...

have kids, will blog

And what do you know?

Our blog was featured on their website a few days ago. 

If you haven't checked out their website, read more about them here.

As I've blogged, I find that I tend to be drawn to the small, authentic networks...seems to be a good fit.

And there you go...a nice feature and one more S-L-O-W day closer to recovery!

The Things We Do

Cheese.  And lots of it.

That's how we celebrated Gabby finally eating cheese.  She planned the party:  Grilled cheese sandwiches for dinner and family game night.

With only one thing on the menu, I'm not sure why we took orders, but Joie as the waitress brought me the following list:

Gabby:  2 grilled cheese sandwiches (later shortened to 1 sandwich)
Nate:  Triple Decker Grilled (he saw it on an episode of Man vs. Food).
Jeran:  Triple Decker Grilled Cheese
Megan:  Grilled cheese sandwich
Joie:  Triple Decker Grilled Cheese (not to be outdone by the boys).

And games.

Including an Othello tournament that isn't finished yet.

To be continued...

Go Gabby!

Gabby in action a few weeks ago during a basketball game against cousins, aunts and uncles

There are days I wish I could clone the initiative and drive in Gabby and give it out in doses to the rest of us.

(Probably starting with myself.)

Her Activities:  In a few short months she's taken a round of ice skating lessons, started piano lessons, stopped piano lessons, started again, and will be starting soccer in a few weeks.  We limit kid activities to one music and one sporting activity at a time.  If we didn't, she'd sign up for everything.  Last night when she was falling asleep she asked me when basketball season starts.  The seasons in Utah are now:  soccer, baseball, swimming, soccer, and basketball.  Oh yeah...and depending on her mood she might throw ice skating back in there too.

Homework:  Gabby takes homework very seriously.  Self-motivation is one of her strengths.  Last week a 10 page extra-credit math packet came home with her.  She pushed her way through, and even impressed herself.  She wakes up in the morning and does her daily reading then so she can get through homework faster in the afternoon (i.e. to play with friends).

It turns out she is just as serious about her work at school.

Reading:  She's gone from 18 words per minute in January to 98 words per minute just last week.  At this rate she'll be at her grade level before the end of the year.  The people who work with her on reading say she can't wait to set her new goal each week and always reaches or surpasses it.

(Thank you, thank you, thank you to her reading volunteers.  Sometimes it really does take a village.)

Math:  She's still working on some foundation skills, but somehow also managing to keep up with grade level math, and pulling high scores.

Friends:  She's everyone's friend.  Every adult in the school loves her, and she is sensitive and willing to help other kids who need help.

(I think her comfort level in helping others came from her foster mom in Omaha.  Thanks Jan!)

Chores:  Not a favorite for any kid, but Gabby pulls out her list without a lot of reminding and gets it done quickly (again, so she can play with friends).  She figures out how to do new jobs easily, and doesn't let anything distract her once she starts working.

I tell people all the time that anyone who gets to know Gabby in this lifetime is blessed.  We are so, so, so blessed.

He Speaks!

Funny, funny picture.  

They saw the medal stand at the gym and had to pose.

(Joie could easily add acting to her list of accomplishments.)

But see that kid on top?  The one in first place?  He's earned his spot, and we're happy to see him there.

A year ago we wondered what was wrong and if he'd ever be well again.  Out of the blue his immune system stopped functioning.

And if that wasn't enough...

He had strep antibodies attacking his neurological system.

Not his best year.

And for whatever reason, during that whole process he stopped talking at school.  

Literally.  He just refused to speak.

Not even to friends.

Some parents don't celebrate when they hear at parent teacher conferences that their children are talking in class.

And most teachers don't smile with pride and understanding when they tell parents their children are talking in class.

Yet that is exactly what happened this week at parent teacher conference.

It felt so good that teachers and school administrators recognized this as progress and celebrated with us.

Health challenges can be overwhelming and mysterious, and in this case, it's not over...

But it's better.

And he speaks!

He's also found his inner artist.  

He's taking art and photography this term and doing great at both.  He brought home some of his art and Gabby bought it from him with some of her own money.  Now he can say he's sold his first paintings.

And here is some of his photography work:

He asked me the other day if he could teach me how to use my camera...

And that was after he told me my camera is wasted on me because I don't know half of what it does...

And he's probably right.

But I'm glad he can teach me.