The Day My Almost 17 Year Old Waved At Me

Let today forever be known as the day my almost 17 year old son waved at me.

In public.

But kind of in the privacy of the car.

I'm into sentimentality lately (just in case you didn't already notice).  I think the idea of knowing I have a limited amount of time with my kids all under one roof has me seeing through a different lens.

Which is why I'm blogging about my almost 17 year old waving at me.

I had finished work.  Tim had already left for work, and Nate (who needed the car earlier to get to and from his job) had dropped me off for a few evening appointments and was now picking me up.  (I love being chauffeured and not doing the chauffeuring.)  Then it happened.  As I walked out the front door of the building and toward the car, I saw this super happy smiling teenager sitting behind the steering wheel waving to me like he was 3 years old again.  (But back then he also would have come running at me...  Not complaining though.  I'll take a happy wave.)

Never mind that 20 seconds later, the beautiful moment was interrupted by siblings complaining about each other.

And never mind that by 10:00 tonight Nate's constant happy mood was driving me a bit nuts...  (Makes me want to ask who he's taking to Prom.)

And never mind that he taught his sister an acronym that includes a swear word and she's highly offended that neither of us will tell her what it means...

And never mind that he drove to the store and bought a Dr. Pepper at 9:00 p.m. when it would have been nice to have him sleeping by 10:00 or so...

Ahhhhhhh.....  Sentimentality.

Back on the Bottom Bunk...

Joie and Gabby have been sharing a room since last summer.  They're real-life frenemies.  I wish I could slip a recorder in their room one day just to get in on all the conversations they have.  I love that they can talk...and yell (but I don't love that part).

They take turns (odd/even nights) deciding if the door is open or shut, and turning off the light.  This was decided because of nightly arguments about the light and door.  Now it's peaceful.  Mostly.  Until somehow the other night it wasn't.  This is a real conversation that took place between them a few nights ago...

Keep in mind, I didn't hear the conversation until it escalated, at which point I heard something like this:

Joie:  Gabby!  You have to turn off the light.

Gabby:  If you want it off, you turn it off.

Joie:  No!  I had to turn it off when I was on the bottom bunk, so now you have to turn it off.

Gabby:  You're an idiot.

Me:  (in my best calm neutral, not-intervening in their argument voice)  Gabby, we don't call names.  You get an extra job.

Gabby:  No, wait.  Let me explain...  (Insert lengthy explanation of how Joie made her get off the top bunk to turn off the light so she was just doing the same thing.)

Me:  You two get to work that part out, but we don't call names.  (Somehow that made them both hate this family, because apparently being in a family where name calling was ok would have been sooooo much better right then.)

Fast forward an hour (really a few minutes, maybe even seconds, but I'm going for dramatic effect).

Gabby:  I'm sleeping with the light on.

Joie:  Well, I'm not.

Gabby:  Then turn it off yourself.

Joie:  I don't have to.

Silence.

Silence.

Silence.

Silence.

Silence.

Joie:  Gabby!  I said I wasn't turning off the light.

Silence.

Silence.

Silence.

Silence.

Silence.

Joie:  You're a big, fat idiot.

Me:  (Voice no longer so calm and neutral)  Joie!  What did I just say?!?  Now you have an extra job too.

Joie:  Mom!  That's not  fair!  You always listen to Gabby.  You always give her what she wants.

Gabby:  Ha!

Joie:  See?  She's such a baby.  Always.  Gets.  What.  She.  Wants.  

Me:  (attempting the calm, neutral voice again)  Joie, I know you don't want more jobs.  No name calling.  (And so on, and so on, and so on...)

At some point I got frustrated and gave up on not getting involved in the argument.

Me:  You have two minutes to turn off the light.  If it's not off in two minutes, I'm taking out the
lightbulb and you won't even have a light.

Light was turned out.  End of story.  Joie even got off the top bunk to do it.

End of commentary...on to the real story.

They switched Gabby back to bottom bunk at my request.  My Gabby girl hasn't been sleeping very well.  She's having nightmares again, so I've been doing essential oils with her at bedtime to help her sleep.  (Yes, we've jumped on the essential oils bandwagon.)  I told her it would be easier to rub them on her feet if she was on the bottom bunk.  The next day they switched.  (Exhibit A of how they also can work together.)

Tonight Gabby said, "Mommy, read me a story.  It doesn't have to be a chapter book.  Just a short book."  

And can you believe I said no?  But that was at first, before I had the thought a few seconds later that one day my house would be quiet at night, with no one asking me to read them a story, so I did.

I read her the story of her adoption day, and she loved it.  Especially the part about doing push-ups in the court house withe dad while we waited, and the part about the sibling slumber party in the living room that night.

And I'm writing it all down so someday when my house is quiet, I'll remember those little voices who needed me.  I'm sure I'll still wish they were here.  I need to remember that on those busy, do-ing kind of days.

A Little Bit of Bliss

This has not been a good health year for me...  Mono that goes away but keeps lingering, and makes it so my eternal to-do list only grows and grows and grows.  Now I've started off 2013 with a full blown case of the flu...  Achy, feverish, sore throat.  I need a new immune system

But the bliss...

Nate got his driver's license on December 31st, 2012.

The last few days while I've been sick, he's been the taxi driver.

Bliss!

I posted on facebook that if nothing else happens in 2013, my life will be complete.

...Ignoring the story of old man who didn't do a head check and almost merged into Nate.

...Ignoring that in a few weeks he'll be incapacitated because of knee surgery.

...Just enjoying it right here, right now.

I'm Declaring It Family Friday

The tragedy on my mind this afternoon is the same tragedy on everyone's mind...

As you all know, early this morning a gunman entered an elementary school and shot 26 people (20 kids).  His actions have left a lot of minds reeling today with questions about safety.

Personally, when I heard the news, I felt the same way I did on 9-11.  I couldn't wait to hug my kids this afternoon.  I wanted right then to go find them where ever they were at and wrap my protective parent arms around them and make sure nothing ever hurt them.  Ever.

My next thoughts were about our crazy morning.  There were too many things happening to fit into one day and it turned out to be one of those mornings.  (If you're a parent, you know what I mean.)

Nate was sporting crutches and a knee brace, courtesy of a wrestling injury that was really a cross country injury that hadn't healed and was re-injured, and I knew I needed to try to get him in to an orthopedic specialist sometime in the near future.

Megan had to be to school early to take a test, and Joie needed to leave with her to go to a study lab.

Gabby needed Mentos, Diet Coke, and Play Doh for a science experiment at school, and the two stores I had been to the night before didn't have Mentos, so I knew I'd be on some kind of mission that morning before work to find a store or gas station that stocked Mentos...

And Gabby was worried she wouldn't get what she needed for her experiment.

Jeran was rushing around trying to pack up the 30-something birdhouses he had made and was donating to Primary Children's Hospital for kids in the hospital to paint.

Tim, who was supposed to be getting ready to drive Jeran and the birdhouses to the hospital was on a cleaning frenzy, which stresses me out because if he cleans I feel like I have to clean and that just wasn't on my to-do list for today.

Somehow in the process of us arguing passionately discussing housecleaning, the topic of kids' chores came up and poor Gabby only heard which jobs hadn't been done, and didn't get much credit for all she had done.  I hate it when that happens, and I saw it on her face as soon as she heard it.

Never in a million years would I care more about a clean house than my children.  (I can offer a free tour of our messy house as Exhibit A in my defense.)  But that's the message Gabby got.

I also hate sending my kids to school upset.  I've been known to take the long way to school so we can talk, or park in the parking lot to finish a discussion, and even drop them off late on occasion just to make sure we don't part ways upset at each other.  It's funny what loss will do to you that way, and somewhere in the back of my mind there's always the thought that we can't part ways upset...  Call it residual grief or a life's lesson learned.  Either way, it's important to me.

Today was no different.  Gabby had stomped out the front door and was sitting on the porch.  I called her back in and we had a minute--just Mom, Dad, Gabby, and Jeran.  Gabby got to hear how much she was loved and even what an amazing hard worker she was (because she is), and in just a few minutes our priorities were re-adjusted and relationships became once again more important than a messy clean house.

Why do I share that?  Because today, like so many other parents, as soon as I heard the news, I thought of all those other parents who will never get to hug their kiddos again, and wondered what if...

What if that had been our school, in our town...students we knew and loved, or even one of our own children?  And I thought of our morning.

Then I thought of people I knew, and found myself sympathizing with comments on facebook about wanting to homeschool, and sending prayers and love to people affected by this tragedy...  All of us trying in every way like I was to make sense of senseless.

Then when school let out, I went to go pick up Gabby, and was relieved that (at least for now, until she starts hearing more about it) she was just happy with the goldfish crackers and apple juice I bought her for her snack before she went to tutoring.  She heard what happened and asked a few questions, but quickly moved on to other things.

And as difficult as it was to not want to listen to the news on the radio, I turned it down and once again it was just me and one of my kids, and all was right with the world.  Then I dropped her off at her tutoring class and fought the urge to disrupt normal and just keep her with me today.  (Sigh.)

Then later when I picked her up, she was chatting about her day and asking for "Little Cheesers Pizza" for dinner because "Little Cheesers" is next to her tutoring, and she can't not ask every time we leave.  It was all oh-so-normal.

And I was oh-so-thankful that things were oh-so-normal...

And the sadness of the day hit me again as I thought about those whose lives are anything but normal today, and whose arms will feel especially empty tonight.

I know Gabby will have questions as she hears more about it, and I know over the weekend we'll discuss it more so she gets to process it first before hearing it from her friends.  The other kids have had questions too, and have already talked about it with their friends.

Sadly, tragedy isn't new to our family, and I learned a long time ago you can't make sense of senseless.  I also know, more than I wish I knew, that I can't protect children from life (but that doesn't keep me from wishing I could, and even trying...because I'm a mom and I'm human).

At the same time, the lessons I've learned lead me like an old friend through helping me process this new tragedy with my children.  I know without even thinking that my need to process isn't theirs.  And I learned a long time ago that hiding my sadness and grief won't protect them, and letting my grief show gives them permission to do the same, even when what we're experiencing isn't the same.  And fear...  My fear isn't their fear, but how I handle my fear is a cue to them about how to handle their fear.

And that is why today, like every day, they will see me doing what I always do...breathing in...breathing out...driving crazy carpools, and dropping them off at tutoring and practices and bossing them around all evening as they do their chores.

And tonight, as luck would have it, no one has anything scheduled, so we're declaring it Family Friday, and watching "It's A Wonderful Life" together.  And what do you know...the teens aren't even protesting (at least not much).  Some days I guess we're all just a little more thankful for each other than others.

And an awesome Mr. Rogers quote shared today on facebook:  "When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, 'Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.' To this day, especially in times of 'disaster,' I remember my mother’s words, and I am always comforted by realizing that there are still so many helpers - so many caring people in this world."

Also some great resources about helping kids deal with tragedy can be found here.

Things That Would Make My Life Easier

In no particular order...

• A slow cooker that never over or undercooks things, because my slow cooker is my best friend, and nothing is worse than slow cooker recipes that tell you 5-6 hours when really the food is done in 3-4 hours...or less.  
• A grocery delivery service, because there's always that one thing I forgot...  Today it was Diet Coke, Mentos, and Play Doh so Gabby can make a rocket in school tomorrow.  I did remember the Christmas card for the foreign exchange student, and the cookies for the boys that came to help with Jeran's Eagle Scout Project, but I forgot the Diet Coke, Mentos, and Play Doh.  Don't you think it would be awesome if stores rewarded frequent shopper moms like me by gifting us one free delivery a week?  Wouldn't that be awesome?
• A chauffeur...definitely a chauffer, but only when I really, really can't handle getting in the car one more time that day.  Quite honestly, I do enjoy the conversations with my kids in car, and overhearing all their conversations with their friends, and overhearing two totally off-key teenager boys sing along with the radio at the top of their lungs (laughed so hard I almost crashed the car...kidding, Mom!  But I did laugh hard, and will never, never forget it as long as I live).  But it's that One.  Last.  Trip.  Of.  The.  Day.  By then I'm out of both words and brain cells, which are, coincidentally, required to make a conversation work.  I've also been known to tune out my own children during such periods of time when brain cells are in short supply.  For times like those times it would be a huge gift to have a chauffeur.
• And while I'm at it, self cleaning dishes, laundry, and kitchen and bathrooms would be nice.  Or a maid.  By the way, my kids claim they're my maids...  Sheesh!  (Said in my best teenage protest voice.)
• And a bank account that replenishes itself would be nice also.
• And a magic wand or access to a really awesome genie without a lot of rules about wishes.

Back to reality.  Now I'm closing my eyes and pretending I don't see the dishes in the sink, or the message light blinking on the answering machine, or the slow cooker waiting for me to decide what goes in it tomorrow...

And I did not just see my oldest son walk through the door on crutches.

I need a new genie.

Inspired by Nutella

Dear Self:  Should I be worried that the four food groups for my 11 year old daughter are Nutella, Nutella, Nutella, and Nutella?  It's just a phase, right?  Just an itty bitty, meaningless, normal, childhood phase.

Never mind that Nutella has twenty-one grams of sugar per serving.  After all, it's also loaded with protein.  Three whole grams.

And her little vegetarian self struggles to get enough protein.  So sugar soaked protein is ok, right?

And please, dear self, whatever you do, don't start googling nutrient content of her former favorite foods to compare (quinoa bean salad, for example, with over sixteen grams of protein per serving, and absolutely no sugar).

And never mind that she won't eat any of her favorite fruits and veggies...  (sigh)

And dear, dear self, if you do start obsessing about the above nutrient content facts, please remember:  This is not about food.  This is about a little girl having a need right now to explore the limits of her control...

And as with past food phases, she'll get over it, and once again start requesting those healthy favorites...

Meanwhile, self, what's a little hazelnut wrapped in sugar and a little artificial flavoring.  It's nothing, really.  And she does eat it with whole wheat bread...sometimes.

Just remember self, that you're growing a whole person, and her heart sometimes needs to be in charge so it can catch up with her body.

That's all.  Nothing more.

So let it happen, and stop googling nutrition facts.  Her heart is thriving.

Sincerely, Me

Jarman Heartbreak Hall of Fame

freedigitalphotos.net

In a house full of teens it was bound to happen at some point...the sting of first love's heartbreak.

I'm not saying who, but in a family the size of ours with children as close in age as our children, there aren't a lot of secrets.

We've seen the symptoms for the past few days... (Images of the longing, sad faces of the characters in Seven Brides For Seven Brothers during that long, cold winter come to mind.)

There have even been tears, and the lament of, "Mom, you just don't understand how it feels!"  (Dear child:  There is a reason none of us want to ever re-live our teen years.  Yours truly, Your Loving, Kind Mother Who Doesn't Understand.)

And there has been anger, and plotting revenge...hoping said heartbreaker would move to California or somewhere far away.  (Or that the heartbreaker's head was a balloon that would pop or deflate.)  As the mom in the story, I'd be ok with said heartbreaker moving to California...  Or a remote island in the Pacific with no Wi-Fi or texting capabilities.

The true tragedy is the heartbreak goes both ways...  (Sigh.)

And her friend said that his friend said that he said that she said that her friend said that his friend said...

Enough already!

Only in teen life (and Desperate Housewives, which by the way, I've never seen) could it be so complicated.

So at the point in the story when it was ok for the tears to turn to levity, we started a new tradition:  It's the Jarman Heartbreak Hall of Fame.  It's currently on a dry erase board, so if you come looking, we'll destroy the evidence.  We all put names on the list.  It was a good family bonding moment.

In the process, I learned the name of Tim's 6th grade girlfriend...

And things about my children that I didn't know before, but were suddenly ok to reveal in a tell-all heartbreak impromptu family meeting.

And for the moment, all is well and said broken heart is healing, until tomorrow when one broken heart has to see the other broken heart at school and the friends start talking and texting and it starts all over again.

I have a feeling this isn't the last time we'll be turning to the Heartbreak Hall of Fame.  Welcome to life in a house full to teens!

If You Want A Happy Ending, Take 2

Yesterday I posted this quote:  If you want a happy ending, that depends, of course, on where you stop your story.  --Orson Welles

It had been one of those not-quite-perfect, but content days...a good enough place to push pause and say, "And they all lived happily ever after."

Something in me just knew that with 5 teens, 2 dogs, 2 jobs, and a mortgage, content was just as good as happily ever after.

I was right.

Take two.

I love my teens, really I do, which is why I didn't go bat-freaking-crazy when I could have.  (Patting myself on the back...)

But not coming unglued is far from happily ever after.

Take two.

Take three.

Take four.

Take twenty...

However many takes it takes...

And keep repeating, "My job is to keep you safe, and healthy, and to love you.  That was not safe, or healthy, but I still love you."  

Catching some Z's

Exhausted but relaxed would be how I felt last night.  It's been so long since I've slept like that...

Last thing I remember: Watching Olympic BMX with the kids after a date with Tim.

Next thing I remember: Waking up on the couch with a blanket over me, dog laying on top of me, with Gabby asleep on the other couch.  (Apparently we were having a mommy-daughter-doggie sleepover, or so I was told.)

How I know I must have been tired:  1) I fell asleep before anyone else in the house.  2) There was a dog sleeping on me.  3) I don't remember anything that happened between BMX and waking up with a dog and a blanket on me.

Ahhhhhhhh...  Zzzzzzzzzzzz...

Months and Months of Photos

This post is for posterity.

And for grandma and grandpa.

First, taking care of business...

Lost item photos I meant to email to my family but didn't.  These items are still at our house.  Does anyone claim them?

Cute earrings.  If no one claims them...

And the flour babies...  

This was a school assignment last spring for Megan and Jeran to carry around duct-taped wrapped 10 pound sacks of flour decorated as babies.  

Megan named hers Claire (after cute cousin Claire, whose face she borrowed for this project)

And Jeran named his Captain Sawyer America...or something like that.  Maybe it was Sawyer Steve Rogers...  Or Baby Captain America.  Either way, he thanks his cousin Sawyer for the borrowed baby face.

They had to carry them everywhere, phone in four times at night (over a two week period) and hire a babysitter if they were busy...

Gabby the babysitter

Moving right along...

I think this is a picture Tim took of Gabby when he took her lunch at school.  Her new favorite (2nd only to pizza with toppings peeled off) is a veggie sandwich from Subway.  (Please don't sound the protein deficiency alarm.  She can eat quinoa, legumes, eggs, whole grains, and her share of dairy products like no child you've ever seen.)

And a little cousin love...Adrienne is 20 years old, and such an awesome role model of an older cousin for all her younger cousins.  They love her!  (Which is a good thing, since Adrienne is the only girl in her family.)

And a cute pose with the Jarman cousins, who are equally awesome...

Love Megan's look here.  It seems to say:
I don't know them...

And while we're on the subject of cousins, there are the Vernal cousins...those would be cousins from Joie's dad's side of the family.  We visited them in June, and Joie stayed an extra three days.  I love that she is excited to continue to grow the family connections to her dad's side of the family as well.  

Left to right:
Joie, Lexie, Gabby, Hailey, and Gracie

And don't try to explain to Gabby that Joie's cousins on her dad's side of the family aren't Gabby's "real" (hate that word) cousins too.  Don't you just love adoption?  Take a bunch of non-biologically related people, add a judge and an adoption decree, and anything is possible, right?

But when it came time to go, Gabby was not happy that Joie was staying and she was going home with Tim and I...

So not happy, in fact, that she pouted and yelled for the first 15 minutes...

Until I climbed in the back seat with her, a bag of chips, and a DVD...

Yes, those are chips on her tongue.  We just had to share.

And as she settled down, she started talking about how leaving Joie felt like leaving her sister.  So sad.  And she talked about missing her brother.  It doesn't take a lot to remind us of how much she's really lost.  Thank goodness for cuddling.  Thank goodness for chips and a DVD.

Gabby also got a cute haircut...

And Gabby continues to crack me up almost daily with her candor and honesty.  In this picture she walked into the room and told me, "These goggles fit perfect!"

Then this was her reaction when her friend told her they were upside down...

And Gabby on River (one of Ruth and Nick's old horses that has been kept in Juniper and cared for by Dani, one of Joie's cousins).  

River does a little skip to try to throw people off when she isn't happy about being ridden.  This day was hot, hot, hot.  Poor River.  (But to help a little with cooperation, we lead her instead of letting the kids just ride.)

And then there was July 4th...

A fun day that ended in watching Sandy City fireworks (since it was too dry to set off our own).  Joie wasn't happy that she didn't get a spot by dad, but eventually she warmed up was willing to accept second best (sitting by mom).

Megan & Jeran (who were by dad) waiting for fireworks to start...

And Megan got more pictures of fireworks that you could ever scroll through in a single day, which she can post if she feels the need.  (Nothing like watching fireworks twice!)

And then there's my awesomely cool 16 year old.  I think he didn't know I snapped this one.

And there was a (sort of) bathroom remodel that involved a toilet sitting on our front porch for a number of days.  It was called everything from redneck yard art to just plain annoying.  Thankfully no one knocked on our door asking to use the toilet!

And Megan has the job of cleaning my office.  One day she left this note for me.  I was so, so curious...  But I didn't open it until I actually had a bad day.  (Then I kept it in my drawer just in case I have another bad day.)  Sweet Megan.  I love her love.

And a few more Las Vegas photos...

The oldest three

All five of them...

And a little celebrity moment at Planet Hollywood...

And that's a wrap.  (And a lot less mommy guilt about not preserving memories...because scrapbooking isn't even an option.  Not if mommy is to remain sane.)

Who Are You And What Did You Do With My Son?

Tim drove to Juniper yesterday to bring Nate home.  Did you hear that?  Nate is home!  I love that he loves the farm, but I also love that I get to see his face!

But something strange has happened in his absence.  He's done the dishes two times today...without being asked.  He's been pretty quiet about it.

It goes something like this:

Nate enters the kitchen and opens the dishwasher and starts loading it.

Mom: Oh, are you looking for something?


Nate:  Nope.


Mom:  Are you doing the dishes?


Nate:  Yup.


Mom:  Oh.  (pause)  Thank you.  


(Another longer pause)

Mom:  Do you want something?  (...Kicked myself for asking, but seriously, what 16 year old just walks in the kitchen and starts loading the dishwasher?)

Nate:  Nope.


Dang farm work ethic...  It's messing with my brain!

Then later in the day I heard clanking of dishes in the kitchen and walked in to see Nate unloading and loading the dishwasher.  (Yes, we really do go through that many dishes around here.)

Me:  You're doing dishes again?


Nate:  Yup.

Me:  Wow.  I'm impressed.

Nate smiles while trying not to smile...something he's pretty good at.

...Signing off now (still a little suspicious but happy with the empty sink in the kitchen).

Sunday Sharing

Sometimes I start thinking of God in His majesty and forget He's the same God who says, "But even the very hairs of your head are all numbered."  (Luke 12: 7)  I love that He loves us that much.

Today we drove to Juniper to see Nate.  (By "we" I mean me, Megan, and Gabby...  Just for the record, Nate, you know who loves you!)  Nate has been on the farm since the beginning of July, and I have missed my boy!

Today before we left to visit him I asked, "Do you miss us?"  

He said, "Yeah."  (Awwwwww......)

I said, "Are you homesick?"

He said, "No."

He loves it there.

I asked him how long he would stay if he could.

He said, "Until school starts."

I love that he loves it there, but I really, really wanted to see him, and in case you all missed it, there is a hint of him also missing us in the above conversation, enough that I knew I wanted to make the drive.

So we drove 2.5 hours north and 2.5 hours back home on a Sunday afternoon to spend 2 hours with Nate.  He drove us around Juniper, and told me stories of the things he's doing there.  He was also proud to show me his log book.  I took a few pictures, but this is my favorite entry:

He told me last week how one of the cats had died under Grandma's bush.  Grandma asked him to move it, so he did.  He's talked about it several times.  I loved that he noted those 5 minutes in his log.  

For some reason, when I drive to Juniper, my brain thinks in metaphors.  For the past several weeks I've been calling Nate, and checking in.  I talk to him.  I ask him if he needs anything.  I even sent him something he needed.  

Then when he was missing us just a little bit, and I was missing him, the mom in me couldn't not go.  Over the past several days as I've talked to him, he's asked about us coming.  Partly, he just wanted us to see him there and to show us what he's doing.  He wanted us close to see things we couldn't see in phone conversations.  He showed me a hill he drove down and told me the story of how quickly he had to discover how the brake and clutch work together to stop a heavy truck, and a few other unknowns of the farm.  When we left, Nate drove us from my parents house to the freeway, then jogged back to their house.  As he left to jog home, he let me hug him--not the stiff hug I got when he left a few weeks ago.  (Nate is my kiddo who is not a hugger...thank goodness a few others are!)  

Metaphor:  God from a distance is majesty.  He's love.  He's our anchor.  I talk to Him, and I travel through my days seeing Him only from a distance.  He asks if I need anything and sometimes He sends things I need.  But I love that amazing feeling that comes when He recognizes that I miss Him just a little more some days than I do others, and for just that little bit of time, He moves into my heart and lets me show Him around.  He shares with me in all the things I've been doing, and lets me show Him not just my joys, but my fears and hurt.  Then somehow by the time he leaves, I'm left with only warmth from His short stay.  I love that He loves and knows me and I know He longs to be close to me, as a parent does with a child.

And in another week we're bringing Nate home so we can have some family vacation time!

Politics According to Gabby

This week Megan, Joie, and Jeran are all at church camps, and with Nate on the farm, our Gabby-girl has become an only child.  To be honest, she prefers a sibling pack.  She misses her brothers and sisters!  (Side note:  Last weekend when her cousins were visiting, she arranged to go home with them for the week so she wouldn't have to be alone "with just my parents.")

We've actually had a lot of fun Mom-Gabby time this week, which to her great displeasure, included running a few errands the other day.  We heard a political news snippet on the radio while driving around and Gabby said, "Mom, you & Dad should go for president. You'd be good at it."  I was a little surprised, but curious, so I had to ask, "What would make us good Presidents?"  And of course her reply made me laugh (because that's just how she is).  She said, "Because you're kind, and nice... And you guys are great bosses!"


That's a compliment...  I think.

Today she is hanging out with a friend, and getting a break from this all-adult world she's been in since Tuesday...which has included swimming, cooking with Mom, movie with Mom, crafts with Mom, hanging out with Dad, and going to her Indian dance class with Dad.  This afternoon we made some of Gabby's favorite food, and tonight we go on a Dad-Mom-Gabby date.  (And she slept in Megan's bed all week because she misses Megan.)  Tomorrow the siblings return.  I think I'll take a nap.  Single-handedly entertaining Gabby is hard work!

Playing Catch-up

Life happens so fast!  I know I'll never catch up, but for a few of the bullet points...
Nate finished his soccer season...and he drives, a lot. I have to add that he drives mostly with Tim, because apparently I have PTSD after the whole garage door incident...

I always pictured myself as calm, cool, and collected teaching my kids to drive, but I'm struggling with this one.  He's a good driver (in spite of how the garage door looks), and I did drive with him the first time he drove on the freeway (from Snowville, Utah across the Utah/Idaho border to Juniper, Idaho.)  

(Photos by Megan...from the back seat)

...So I'm not exactly sure how I went from ok to scared about his driving.  For now I'm just ok letting Tim do it, but today I went along for the ride...

Baby steps for mom...or back hand springs, which ever comes first.  (See here for more about back hand springs.)

He'll be 16 in 10 days...  And to the adorable girls who keep texting him:  I'm that kind of parent who does random text checks, so "hey baby," and "morning hon" don't escape my eyes.  (I know, I know...  He's growing up...)

And Megan...star keeper of the Gladiators, musical genius, and friend extraordinaire...  Would it surprise you to hear that sweet Megan has perfected the art of eye rolling and irritated sigh when asked to do anything out of the above 3 preferred categories?  (Truth:  She's an amazing kid.  Amazing!  ...More on her later, I'm sure because she's got some big games coming as well as a spring concert.

Jeran just finished a school play (Twinderella).  He rocks as an actor...really puts his heart into it.  He even sang his solo (a few keys higher than planned because he's fighting the teen voice change).  He also recently cleaned the bathroom without being asked (it happened right after he heard that one of Megan's friends was spending the night while her mom was out of town).  Hmmmmm.....  I'm keeping that in mind for future motivation.

Bad photo...great play

Joie, Joie, Joie...  Love that girl!  She's singing all the time now, and babysitting and working hard on a project for church...more later for her too.

And my cute, cute Gabby girl!  She rocks at soccer.  You should see her kick...and she scored 3 goals in the last game (which at our house means 3 days without having to do jobs...we may be re-thinking that motivator).  It's amazing to see her so new to the game and really starting to get it.  She was good last year, but she's lost her fear and can really go for it this year.  I love her games.  And I love her heart even more.  She's a friend to all.  She thinks of the most amazing things, and loves to help others.  Oh, and her iTouch broke.  The screen cracked.  (Sniff, sniff, cheer!)  Did I really just say that?  Just kidding, Gabby!  And did you know she's also a make-up artist?

Make-up courtesy of Gabby

We also got a new faucet when ours exploded one day right as we were leaving to go to Idaho.  Still on the to-do/to buy list is floors, bathrooms, dryer, downstairs couches, garden, yard, laundry pile...and a new dryer which would help a lot with the laundry pile.  ...And a million other things that never get finished.

And remember earlier this month when I said I'd say more about the time the kids got to spend in Idaho with grandparents while Tim and I were in Oklahoma?  At this point that just isn't going to happen, but here's a link to my mom's blog for that week with some pictures.  (See here.)

Told you it happens fast.  Anyone have a slow motion button?

Parent/Neuroscientist

I've said before that I think parents are neuroscientists.  I'll try really hard not to be a geek while I'm talking about all of this, but I know for sure if I had another degree in me it would be in the field of neuroscience or occupational therapy (the sensory part, which is hugely connected to neuroscience).  Definitely what I know as a professional fuels the belief that parents are neuroscientists.  For years, I've been a fan of Dan Siegel, Bruce Perry (the link is to his organization), Allan Schore, and many others who have helped to merge the fields of neuroscience and psychology.  This week I was able to attend a conference featuring Bruce Perry's work with healing trauma and attachment problems.  I won't bore all of you with the neuroscience details...I saw Tim's eyes glaze over with mere mention of the title, "The Neurosequential Model of Therapeutics."  (But if you're as fascinated as I am with neuroscience, go to any of the above websites and you could get lost for days.)

Meanwhile, it stands true that parents are neuroscientists.  With the emergence of brain scanning technology, we are living in a time were we can see and document physical changes in the brain under the stresses of abuse, as well as changes related to lack of connection and attachment.  Likewise, we can also see changes that occur under the healing influence of relationships and attachments.

I knew all this when we said yes to bringing Gabby in our family.  Nothing in her story told me she couldn't heal as a human being.

After she had been with us for several weeks, I remember looking at her one night as she was talking to me, having the realization that her first mom loved her.  (I'm mom #6.)  I honestly don't know a lot about Mom #1, and she is no longer living.  Gabby shares a few stories and memories, but nothing that tells me anything significant...

But I feel like I know a little about Gabby's mom #1 because she left an imprint on Gabby's brain that speaks loudly (through the filter of what I know from the above named awesome neuroscience geeks).

The rest is history...a really difficult history which includes more trauma that most children won't even learn of until they're approaching adulthood...

All of which also left an imprint on her brain...

One she is aware of and responds to, but doesn't rule her life.

Meanwhile, I'm just thankful that "mom" is a good representation to her and not a negative one...

So when she gets the hiccups drinking out of mom's magic water bottle gets rid of them...

And when she doesn't want to eat but she's "starving" a peanut butter sandwich prepared by mom is the best food on the planet...

And so when she has nightmares we can pretend I'm there with her in the nightmare helping to keep her safe...along with dad, brothers and sisters.  We're super heros when it comes to fighting nightmares.

And so even when we all get stressed and upset at each other, we can be hugging 5 minutes later and know all is right with the world.

By Bruce Perry standards, the system that allowed her to love and form relationships was formed during the first few years of life.

Way to go Mom #1.  You have my love and gratitude.  Mom #1, the neuroscientist-parent from South India, succeeded in preparing her daughter's brain to survive in this world.  There is no greater gift.

(For a really fascinating video that explains all this see here...one of my long-time favorites.  The video is in sections.  Scroll down to view each section of the entire video.)

Are You My Mother?

When you've had so many mom figures in your life, what's one more?

One trait I admire in Gabby is her ability to find a solution in any given set of circumstances.  In spite of all she's experienced that would prove otherwise, she still believes in people and relationships.  I'm convinced that she has a keen sense about people, which I'm sure contributes to her resiliency.

Several weeks ago, on a Friday morning, I got a text from a neighbor:  "Can I sign Gabby's planner for her?"  (Her school uses planners to communicate with parents, and Gabby's is supposed to go back to school signed every Friday morning.)  I was carpooling high schoolers at the time, and out of desperation, she found a mommy substitute.

I was both amused and impressed.  I think of the number of times my other children have forgotten to have me sign a planner and just gone back to school without said planner signed...  Bummer for them.  No points.  Better luck next time.

But in true Gabby style, giving up was not an option.  If Plan A (get mom to sign planner) and Plan B (return to school with said planner unsigned) weren't options, she'd find a Plan C.

I called the neighbor back and we shared a good laugh that she would think of a neighbor as a planner-signing option.  "She can find a mom anywhere," I remember saying.

But really, is that such a bad thing?

Standing Up For Women

Women:  Is there any doubt we all work?  Whether we are at home raising children or in the workforce (or both), we all work...

Which is why I was incensed and Hilary Rosen's recent comments about Ann Romney (see here).  I posted this to facebook today:

"No matter which side you're on politically, is there any woman out there who doesn't find Hilary Rosen's comments offensive? As a mom who has both stayed at home with my children and worked outside the home, I have to hope as women we're past bashing each other for our choices in raising our families. Sometimes women are their own worst enemies. Hopefully both parties can move on to discussing politics."  


Both sides have distanced themselves from Ms. Rosen with rebuttals.  (Smart move for both sides, although I'd venture to guess that Ms. Rosen's comments helped Mitt a little.)  Meanwhile, it is my wish that in this imperfect world, women would support each other in what has to be one of the most difficult challenges of life--that of being a mother.  Whether it's in media or every day life, women judging women borders on cannibalism.

That's all I have to say today.

The end.

Lovin' My Family

Tonight I was looking at pictures on our family computer.  Hilarious!  It looks like the kiddos in our abode may have been bored one day.  What I used to do in front of they mirror they do with LifeCam...

Nate

The girls figured out how to clone themselves.

Gabby

Megan

Jeran having a flash of brilliance

Megan trying on puppy dog eyes

Happy girls!

What Nate would look like if he ever had to go on Biggest Loser...

Headless Jeran

Fish Face

And I love them all!  I feel blessed every day to be their mom.

I'm also adding a link that has been circulating around social media sites lately about being a mom...written by a mom who was able to put into words what we all feel.  (See here.)  There is nothing better!

And moms, you are enough.