Just Because

Three times today kids mentioned me blogging.  Why?  Because even though I said I would, I haven't (much), so here it is kids...  The updated blog post.

Today is Memorial Day.  I have so much admiration in my heart for the men and women who serve our country.  I also can't think of this day without remembering the family members we love and miss.

A friend said on facebook today that she was thankful not only for those who served and loved their country, but also for those who served and loved their families.  I loved that.  I struggle to convey the meaning of this day in honoring our military, but also in honoring all our loved ones who have died, and that said it perfectly.  Thank heaven for those who serve and love their families.

Of course today found us in Cedar Fort.  Joie worked hard over the weekend on a few crafts she wanted to take out there for the graves.  One idea was three painted bottles that were supposed to be topped with solar lights to light up the graves at night.  (I think her mom, who loved cute things, and her dad, the geek, would have both been proud.)  However, we didn't find solar lights to fit the tops of the bottles, so maybe later...  (But probably not...long story.)

She also made this whirly-gig wind chime.  She tied all the spoons on the paper plate, and painted them...pretty cute, Joie!  As soon as we hung it up, it started spinning.  (Probably Audrey having some fun.)

When we arrived, the cemetery was full of people.  It looked like a Memorial Day program was just finishing up.  The Cedar Fort cemetery is a small town cemetery, and everyone seemed to know everyone else...except us.  So we walked quietly in and set up Joie's hand made wind chime.

After only being there for a minute, a man approached us.  He showed us where the grass was dying from having snow sit on it so long in the spring, then told us that he has been taking care of these graves, and trying to get the grass to grow back.

Cedar Fort cemetery is not maintained by anyone except the families whose loved ones are buried there.  We're pretty free to put what we want on or near the graves, and there is a lot of variety as you walk through the cemetery.  After Ruth, Nick, and Audrey died, the graves had no sod or anything growing around them.  We weren't sure what we'd do to the graves (some there are sodded, and some are not).  Sod sounded great, but we were so overwhelmed with all the other details of Joie's life and loss, and the estate that we couldn't even think about it then.  

We noticed, though, that each time we went to Cedar Fort, there was something new or different by the graves.  One day we arrived to find the graves sodded.  We asked around, but couldn't find out who did it.  

Over the years, we've seen people leave a lot of things at the graves.  We know we aren't the only ones who loved Ruth, Nick, and Audrey, but we haven't known who it is that cares so much for the graves.  Or who waters the grass.  (There isn't a sprinkling system out there.)  Sometimes we've seen signs and cards posted, and flowers.  Once we even got there to find some solar lights in the ground next to the graves.  

Mostly, we've wanted to thank the person caring for their graves.  Then today, there he was, standing in front of us.  We introduced ourselves, and I'm pretty sure he didn't think that was really Joie standing there in front of him.  Instantly, I was thanking him, and told him we didn't know all this time who had been caring for these graves, but deeply appreciated his generosity.  He made it sound like it wasn't a big deal, but he cared so much about the grass, and how it was growing, and the graves, we knew that this was more to him.  

He kept minimizing what he's done there, telling us how he just took care of the graves because he knew what happened, and because the graves were next to his family's graves.  He told us how he met my mom and dad once when they were out there, but in all these years, our paths hadn't crossed.  The next thing he said was kind of funny.  "Who put up those solar lights?" he asked us.  Then without pausing for an answer, he said, "They sure are a pain to mow around."  Of course we didn't know how they got there, but we took them down for him.  

He came and went, talking to us, and to other people he would see and want to go talk to.  His wife stood beside us the whole time, and commented on how beautiful and amazing Joie was, and how she couldn't believe this was the same little girl.  A few times we all shared tears.  People are amazing.  I'm so thankful they've been there...our own little cemetery gardner and guardian angel for the graves of our loved ones.

Today I really am thankful for all those who serve...  No act of service is small.  Maybe it was "just because" we were next to his family's graves, or because he'd heard what happened and somehow wanted to help out, or because he has a kind heart.  Either way, he has given care in ways we couldn't, during times our hearts were too burdened to even make a small decision like when and how to sod graves.  Heroes like him need medals too.

Jarman Heartbreak Hall of Fame

freedigitalphotos.net

In a house full of teens it was bound to happen at some point...the sting of first love's heartbreak.

I'm not saying who, but in a family the size of ours with children as close in age as our children, there aren't a lot of secrets.

We've seen the symptoms for the past few days... (Images of the longing, sad faces of the characters in Seven Brides For Seven Brothers during that long, cold winter come to mind.)

There have even been tears, and the lament of, "Mom, you just don't understand how it feels!"  (Dear child:  There is a reason none of us want to ever re-live our teen years.  Yours truly, Your Loving, Kind Mother Who Doesn't Understand.)

And there has been anger, and plotting revenge...hoping said heartbreaker would move to California or somewhere far away.  (Or that the heartbreaker's head was a balloon that would pop or deflate.)  As the mom in the story, I'd be ok with said heartbreaker moving to California...  Or a remote island in the Pacific with no Wi-Fi or texting capabilities.

The true tragedy is the heartbreak goes both ways...  (Sigh.)

And her friend said that his friend said that he said that she said that her friend said that his friend said...

Enough already!

Only in teen life (and Desperate Housewives, which by the way, I've never seen) could it be so complicated.

So at the point in the story when it was ok for the tears to turn to levity, we started a new tradition:  It's the Jarman Heartbreak Hall of Fame.  It's currently on a dry erase board, so if you come looking, we'll destroy the evidence.  We all put names on the list.  It was a good family bonding moment.

In the process, I learned the name of Tim's 6th grade girlfriend...

And things about my children that I didn't know before, but were suddenly ok to reveal in a tell-all heartbreak impromptu family meeting.

And for the moment, all is well and said broken heart is healing, until tomorrow when one broken heart has to see the other broken heart at school and the friends start talking and texting and it starts all over again.

I have a feeling this isn't the last time we'll be turning to the Heartbreak Hall of Fame.  Welcome to life in a house full to teens!

Diwali Festival 2011

November is National Adoption Awareness Month.

Coincidentally, it is also the month of celebrating Diwali, and the Krishna Temple about an hour south of where we live was hosting a Diwali festival so...

Food

Dancing

Wishes for the new year

More wishes

Fireworks

And of course what Diwali and adoption have in common is this beautiful girl...

Gabby hasn't been super interested until recently in anything to do with her native Indian culture.  My guess is it has to do with adjustment, assimilation, fitting in...

Then we saw the Diwali Festival sign at the Indian store a few weeks ago and she wanted to go so we put it in the calendar.  Today was the big day and starting last night there were a list of Gabby related reasons not to go to this festival...

"My throat hurts..."

"I think I'm going to throw up..."

"My tailbone hurts."  (If you're a parent, you know you can't make this stuff up.  She fell playing Just Dance on Wii.)

But in spite of nerves, we went...

Admittedly it was a bit odd hiking up a hill of sagebrush in the freezing cold November air to the very Indian looking temple at the top of the hill, but once inside, we followed the crowd, found the food, found the dancing, made some new year wishes, and enjoyed the fireworks.

And Miss Gabby was fine...no physical complaints all evening.  And now she's really sure she wants to take Indian dancing lessons, and wants to go back soon (good thing there's a Hindu temple closer to our house).  

Then tonight when she was getting ready for bed, Gabby said the most amazing thing.  "You know what, Mom?  When I was watching those girls dance, I thought that Indian girls really are beautiful."  Then she said, "And I'm beautiful just like them."  

Wow.  And that, folks, is what it's all about.  Adoption is both roots and wings, and tonight I realized that one little evening celebrating an Indian festival in the cold November air gave Gabby both...or at least access to both.

I'm so, so happy to be an adoptive parent.

November

Two things are on our minds this month:

This:

And this:

We all know about Thanksgiving in November.  November is also National Adoption Awareness Month.

We realize there are already Christmas items appearing in stores, but we've always made a big deal out of Thanksgiving at our house.  Tim's parents started a tradition of going around the table on Thanksgiving Day and putting corn kernels in a cup for each thing they're thankful for that year.  We added our own twist to that tradition when our children were younger, and it's a tradition that lives on.  Instead of doing this just Thanksgiving Day, we do it daily during the month of November at  our house, filling a jar with kernels of corn as everyone names things they are thankful for.  (For more on previous years of our tradition, see here.)

Also (just in case you haven't noticed) adoption is kind of a big deal around our house also.  Last night we kicked off National Adoption Awareness month with a family dinner of chicken and rice (representing Marshall Islands, where Megan is from), and dosa and tarka dhal to represent Gabby and India.  Joie thought we needed an American twist to represent her as the domestic adoptee in our family, and suggested adding french fries to the menu.  While that didn't happen, we did roast pumpkin seeds.  Kind of American...  Right?

So look for posts on both topics this month...along with all the other random things that come our way.  

As we share what we're grateful for, feel free to add comments about what you're thankful for, or take us to a post on your blog about gratitude or Thanksgiving traditions your family shares.

Also, look for more information and posts about adoption, including ways to celebrate adoption, support adoption, etc.  We look forward to having you join us!

Sunday Sharing

"Never forget."  

We hear those words every year on the anniversary of 9-11.  But yesterday in a conversation with my children, I realized Nate (who would have been 5 at the time) was the only one who actually had any memories of that day, and even those were vague.

Then Gabby joined us in the conversation.  She had no idea what we were talking about.  As we started explaining what happened on 9-11, she remembered hearing somewhere the story of Flight 93 that was heroically crashed into a Pennsylvania field.  She would have been an infant in India during the time of the attacks.

All of our children were alive at the time, but don't remember.

But they do remember this:

On the first anniversary of 9-11, this healing field was created near where we live as a memorial to those who lost their lives on 9-11.  Each flag represents a person who lost their lives that day.  Every year since then we visit this site, and this year we'll visit again.

Realizing my children didn't have any significant memories of that day made me thankful for traditions.  They do remember those.

They remember seeing the flags for the first time the first year they visited.  It was an impressive sight.

They remember the year Tim was interviewed by a newspaper reporter there, and they remember the tears in dad's eyes as he talked to the reporter about his experience at work on 9-11 (he works for the FAA), and the emotions of seeing the screens of airplanes go blank, and being on lockdown, unsure of when the threat would be over and he'd be able to return to his family.  They know the story, even if they don't remember it.

And Joie remembers the first time she visited.  Several years before she lost her family, they moved here to Utah, and that fall they joined us in our healing field tradition.  It's a great memory for all of us, and we treasure the pictures and memories.

Joie, Megan, Jeran, Nate, and baby Audrey

I remember being with their family that day and how Joie and Megan were playing and being silly.  Joie's dad wanted her to understand the significance of 9-11.  He took her hand and walked away from the group of cousins so he could explain this day to her.

Nick and Joie discussing 9-11

There have been other years it has seemed we're too busy to go, but we always fit it in.

Today Gabby has reminded me several times already that she wants to go see the flags.  She has been excited to see this place we're all talking about.  About an hour ago we were getting ready to walk out the door and a crazy wind and lightening storm hit.  We're hoping it blows over like it has the past few days.

As human beings we create traditions around most major events in our lives so we can "remember," and in the absence of experience, it is traditions that bring us to a remembrance of significant life events.  It is because of traditions that our children can "never forget" 9-11.

Memorial Day Weekend 2011

We've already been here...

And we'll probably go back again tomorrow with more family members.

While we remember those we've lost, we're also aware that the history of this day is about so much more.

We love the summer kick-off (although this year you'd have a hard time even selling this weather as spring weather...)

We love family cabin work days (although we missed that this year because of Tim's work schedule...I think we have a to-do list for later)

We love barbecues...

Missing work and school on Monday...

Knowing that summer is right around the corner...

We love all those things and much, much more about Memorial Day Weekend.

We also can't forget to honor those who fight and give their lives to make us free.


"For love of country they accepted death…"  James A. Garfield


Sometimes I wonder if my children really know what we're remembering on this holiday.  I hope so, but maybe I just assume they know.

Adding a family member this year makes us more aware of explaining and learning about new things, and as we do, we find out that there are things "we never knew we never knew."  (from Pocahontas, Colors of the Wind)

Or at least a lot of things we'd forgotten from history class.  It made me wonder how many times I've simply uttered, "We remember those who gave their lives for our country,"  but had forgotten the history behind this holiday.

So for those who want to share more about this holiday with your kids (but have been too many years away from American History 101) here are a few links that help teach kids about this important holiday:

History of Memorial Day

Make Memorial Day poppies

Send a care package to a soldier or visit my sister-in-laws amazing military charity website for multiple ideas on how to get kids involved in remembering those who serve.

Join our family this year in remembering that this is a holiday of remembering.


And enjoy this reminder of our "Ragged Old Flag," the symbol of our freedom for which some gave all.

Lava-Lava Hugs

Years ago, when Megan was a lot younger and was having a kind of insecure night, I went to my room to look for something of mine she could sleep with as a comfort item.  

In a moment made of part inspiration and part desperation (I wanted to sleep too), I grabbed one of my island lava-lavas from my drawer.

I hugged the lava-lava and wrapped it around her, and told her she was wrapped in my hug.  I also told her about lava-lavas, and wearing them in the islands, and told her all about the special Kiribati family that had given this lava-lava to me because it had an island farming prayer on it, and they knew I had grown up on a farm in Idaho.

It worked!  (I love it when that happens.)

And it worked for many nights after that, until Megan outgrew the lava-lava hugs and the lava-lava resumed it's place in my wardrobe.

Then when Joie came, and was feeling sad and alone, Megan remembered the lava-lava hugs from when she was little, and thought Joie might like that too.

And Megan decided she wasn't too old for lava-lava hugs after all, so we got out my other lava-lava and both girls got lava-lava hugs at night.  

Sometimes the lava-lava hugs were from Mom.

Sometimes the lava-lava hugs were from Dad.

Other times the girls asked for hugs from the other moms who knew them first.

And sometimes we'd hug the lava-lava twice, to be wrapped in the hugs of both moms.

For Joie, we even hugged the lava-lava five times, to be wrapped in the hugs of both moms and both dads, and little sister Audrey.

The lava-lavas eventually found their way back to my room, and were worn again casually.  Around the house, at the pool...  

And I'd always remember how the lava-lavas were also once hugs for my girls.

When Gabby came, it was Joie who reminded me about the lava-lava hugs.  

At first Gabby said, "You guys are weird."  

The next night she asked, "Mom, can I sleep with the hula-hula?"  

After that, because she doesn't like the word lava-lava, it was simply called "the hug blanket."

And for a little girl whose mind is often too restless to settle down at night, being wrapped in the hugs of those she loves has made sleep come more easily.

Some nights the hugs are from Mom.

Some nights the hugs are from Dad.

Some nights the hugs are from her foster mom.

And some nights the hugs are from her little sister, who she wishes she could hug right back.

What was once a hurried attempt to soothe a restless little girl has now become a tradition, and is a reminder that as much as I love these girls, someone else loved them first.

Snuggies

Every year for Christmas we get family pajamas.  This year we decided to be trendy and got matching Sunggies.

The children are nestled all snug in their beds...  Yeah, right!  They actually ditched the snuggies and are running around the house playing hide-n-seek and scaring eachother with the free booklights that came with the snuggies.

We got a kick out of the hospital gown effect...couldn't resist a back shot.

Tim, who was with me when we bought the Snuggies, and agreed with the purchase, declined wearing his (yet), so after he fell asleep...

The kids made sure he was wearing his snuggie!

Merry Christmas Everyone!

Giving Thanks

I explained last year how we've made our own version of Tim's family's Thanksgiving tradition of using kernels of corn to name things you're thankful for.  They do it Thanksgiving Day.  When the kids were younger we started an "I'm Thankful For..." jar and have kept it going as a tradition leading up to Thanksgiving.  We don't do it every day, but do it when we remember.  Here is a sampling of some of the things Jarmans are thankful for in 2009.  Please keep in mind a sense of humor is required in reading this list.

Nate, age 13:  Grandma Barcy (an old neighbor he was thankful for daily as a child and has to add her to the list every year since), school, dentist (guess where he's been), pie, that nobody can go down Niagra Falls in a barrel anymore because it's dangerous (said with an "I'm testing you" smile on his face), Champ, rocks, and colors--"The world would be dull and colorless without them."

Megan, age 11:  music (she says straining to hear the radio playing in the next room), school, old and new Young Women's Presidency (a recent ward change has her missing who would have been her YW president, but optomistic about new opportunities), primary, relatives, my birthday (and half-birthday which she talks about daily because it's coming up soon).

Jeran, age 11:  food, bathrooms, our old puppy--Angel, the new In-n-Out Burger that opened in Draper, an awesome singing voice (which I will remind him he said when he doesn't want to go sing on Saturday morning at 7:00 a.m.), my busy recreational schedule, Great Aunt Bonna and Grandma Donna.

Joie, age 10:  family, the wonderful things you give me, Ye Olde Cannonball Machine (3rd grade simple machine project), Ye Olde Time Machine (she misses the time machine in Primary), eyes to see colors, and ears to hear the sound of birds, and Mrs. Lightel (school teacher).

Tim and Mary are thankful for eachother, for kids helping us with things, family, the temple, a Savior, and humor.  Mary is thankful for the beauty of the snow but not the cold of it, and Tim is thankful "that Mary doesn't volunteer me for stuff."  (Hmmmm....was that a hint or gratitude?)

Healing Field

The memory card for these photos has been inside our broken camera.  These are pictures of our trip to the Healing Field the weekend of September 11th.  It's an annual tradition for our family. 

Make a Smilebox slideshow

Randon Acts of Kindness 2

Sometime late yesterday I started to feel August 18th, 2009 approaching. For weeks now there have been reminders--Joie's birthday, back to school shopping, all reminders of an anniversary we prepare for rather than look forward to, one we wish we could shut out but have pledged to never forget. Yesterday evening as I pulled into a store parking lot I could see the sun shining through the clouds, much like I imagine Ruth described seeing as she left the temple the night before they died. I ached like I do so many times to see Ruth, Nick and little Audrey again, to talk to them, to hear their laughter and voices.

I finished shopping. It was beginning to rain as I came out of the store and as is often the case with Utah rain, the sun was shining through the rain and I could see two rainbows that I could have sworn from where I was sitting ended right at my house. I thought of the promise associated with the rainbow--that no matter how difficult the storm there will always come a bright new day. (I know...not quite the way God said it to Noah, but that's how it's said in the book of Mary.)

And so we go, feeling the pain, feeling the promise, and it is the promise, not the pain that moves us forward. Once again this year I find myself thinking in terms of living in memory of Ruth, Nick and Audrey, quite frankly because that is how I get through the pain. A year ago, in honor of the lives of service lived by them, and by those who came so willingly to our sides to support us through the most difficult of times, we committed ourselves and anyone else who wanted to join us to performing random acts of kindness on August 18th in memory of Ruth, Nick and Audrey Weaver. Once again this year we invite everyone to join us in doing something to spread kindness, love, and compassion to others. Some examples posted in comments last year included helping friends, helping family members, babysitting for a friend, inviting a friend to play, writing a note to someone, offering to shop for someone, letting someone go in front of you in line for the grocery store...all wonderful ideas. Thank you for helping their memory to live on (and we'd love to hear what you do).

More Things We're Thankful For...

We're still keeping up on our November gratitude tradition. Here are a few more things we're thankful for:

Tim: Gospel, my children, 2nd Ammendment (Tim's new hobby is guns...), Veterens, Joe's service, and today he said, "I'm thankful I can go to the Messiah sing-in with Mary..." (there was a pause at that point, and I was thinking, "how sincere..."). The he finishes, "So Mary will go to the Styx concert with me." By way of explanation, I should say we have some friends who are going to a Styx concert. Tim would also like to go. My response to going with him has ranged from lukewarm (in attempt to support him) to mildly disinterested (in my more honest moments). Let's face it. Music may be one of the areas where our 5 year age differential looks more like a generation gap. In the 70's, at the height of Styx's popularity, I was struggling through my first decade of life in rural Idaho. Styx is a band I only heard about in the 80's when they released a few songs I was familiar with. To my credit, I do remember Babe. It isn't stirring in me the desire to attend a Styx concert. I digress.... Tim is also thankful for his life, food storage, his freedom, and his Home Depot buddy, Nate (I added that one). Champ is also his Home Depot buddy.

Mary: I'm thankful that God created something as amazing as our brains and bodies, thankful for our freedom to worship, thankful for sleep, thankful for 1 1/2 hours of reading a good book (The Last Lecture...love it!), a supportive husband (who would never ask me to go to a Styx concert), and individual time I get to spend with my children.

Nate: I'm thankful for the end of the trimester, choir (he's found something he likes) and school. Nate also said another day he's thankful for the challenge of school (I may forward this blog to his 6th grade teacher). He is also thankful for Thanksgiving, Pilgrims, and "myself." He's also very, very thankful that the Utes and Alta won!

Megan: I'm thankful for Veteren's Day, soldiers, and America. I'm thankful for George Washington, and I am a child of God. She also said she's thankful for pilgrims and shelter. Recently she said she's thankful for Santa...hmmm...is Christmas near? She's also thankful she got to see Alta beat Bingham!

Jeran: "Veterens Day and those who have served for our rights." He's also thankful for the teachers and parents who planned Colonial Day for the 5th grade; he's thankful for the Lord and the plan of salvation, for freedom of speech, Macey's Thanksgiving Day Parade, Champ, Angel, Penny, and Dollar (all pets), and the fun he had with cans and string. He also said he is thankful for the ability to be free.

Joie--"Pictures in the rocks" (Tim helps the kids find pictures in our fireplace rocks. It helps Joie calm down.) She also said she is thankful for Radio Disney and Disney channel, Santa, Jesus, Thanksgiving, and "real friends who walk in when the rest of the world walks out." (She was reading off a cross-stitch.)

We may or may not get to blogging our gratitude again before Thanksgiving. As a family we have much to be thankful for. This time of year always has us feeling thankful for family and friends.

A few more things we're thankful for this month...

Somewhere there's a few more of these gratitude lists kicking around, but here's a few more things we're thankful for that we will share with you as Thanksgiving approaches. I'll just write several by each name from the list of things they've said.

Megan: School, friends, brothers
Nate: Ironman, leftover Halloween candy, my mom (awwwwwww...)
Tim: My kids, the lesson in Priesthood meeting today, and I think one day last week he said he was thankful for Glenn Beck.
Mary: Joie eating veggies! Also last week I said I was thankful for my kids' tuff hearts, and to be able to vote.
Jeran: One grumpy day last week when he was mad at everyone else, Jeran said he was thankful for Champ (the dog). Today he was back to himself and said, "I am thankful for the knowledge I can one day live again with my Heavenly Father (Yes, he really talks like that. The other day after Parent Teacher Conference he said he felt "ostracised and mortified" because his teacher and I were talking about him. Help me out here, but isn't that what we're supposed to do at Parent Teacher Conference?) At a more 10-year old level, he said he was thankful for Sims and Chinese cakes.
Joie: I'm thankful for this day. She has also said she is thankful for pies, angels, and Angel (the dog).

Join us in our Thanksgiving tradition

Tim's family has a tradition of sitting corn kernels at the table on Thanksgiving day and after dinner, family members take turns saying what they're thankful for...one for each kernel in the cup. When our children were very little, our family borrowed this tradition with a little twist of our own. We started the first of November and used candy corn in a jar, moving it to each child's cup every morning as they would say what they were thankful for. I loved their answers when they were little, and if I find our old family journal I'll post some of them. We had this problem with using candy corn. As fun as it sounds, the candy corn kept disappearing...apparently we had mice back then. We switched after that to regular corn kernels, and still use them. Some years we've done better than others at keeping up our tradition, but we love seeing the number of kernels increase as we find things to be thankful for through the month.

Tonight we started our tradition again. I was writing down what everyone said because we've had fun reading back over some of the things we're thankful for over the years. The kids crack up now that they were thankful for "Grandma Barcy" (our really awesome old neighbor) about 15 times in one month. As I was writing down what they said tonight, Tim said, "Mom's going to put those on the blog." Of course I thanked him for his idea and here I am, blogging about what we're thankful for.

We also thought it would be fun this year to let all of you help us fill our gratitude jar. Through the month as we post things we're thankful for, feel free to jump in and let us know what you're all thankful for as well. We start off by saying we're thankful for all of you, the people we love!

November 3, 2008: We are all thankful that Joe is home. So thankful, in fact that we called him in Germany (we think it was midnight or 1:00 a.m. there) to sing "Happy Birthday" to him. Thanks Joe for letting us hear your voice and I hope you didn't miss out on too much sleep....we're getting you ready for the baby!

Megan: Animals

Joie: You peoples.

Tim: For my wonderful wife (I'm really not making that up.)

Nate: Barcy (Of course he had to get a laugh.)

Jeran: Nate's sense of humor...and Beth and Trevor's dry humor.

Mary: Tim and really great friends (We got cookies tonight from one of our neighbors.)

We look forward to hearing what everyone else is thankful for also!

Family Home Evening

Monday night...Family Home Evening. Tim says that his dad, who is an career institute teacher and mission president said that Family Home Evening always starts with "Love at Home," and ends with "Master the Tempest is Raging." It is a funny description of what Family Home Evening can feel like...and we all laugh because we've all been there. I have to say though, for the most part I enjoy seeing our children get excited about knowing that night is for us, and being excited about learning. They're still kind of young to be pulling the teen attitude on us, so we'll just keep enjoying it as long as we can.

Tonight was one of those payoff nights. Megan was in charge of the lesson, something we've just started assigning to the kids. Part of my reluctance has been knowing that Tim and I often have something specific in mind we want to teach, so turning it over to them means giving that up once in a while. I was aware that yesterday Megan was planning the lesson, but didn't remember to ask her what it was about. I knew she said she needed donut holes. On the way to get donut holes, it did occur to me I could ask her what the lesson was about. She explained it in terms of the donut holes--that the donut holes are living a Christ-centered life. He's the hole and everything is centered around Him. I have to say I got a little teary-eyed when she said that. Our stake president challenged us recently to have a goal to live Christ-centered lives. I had thought, "We really need to review that for Family Home Evening," and here Megan was, teaching that for her lesson. I said, "You were really following the spirit on your lesson." She told me she'd looked at different lessons and kept coming back to that one, so we got a little moment in the car on the way to buy donut holes to identify how the Holy Ghost was working to help her teach a lesson our stake president had wanted families to focus on. I love those spontaneous teaching moments with kids, when you hardly have to say anything, but you know the spirit is teaching them and they just know.

Megan's lesson was great. She asked questions, used scriptures, and involved everyone. Our humorous moment (gotta have a few of those, right?) was when Megan asked, "Can anyone guess how our lesson is like donut holes?" Joie, who raises her hand to every question in primary and Family Home Evening, whether she knows the answer or not, was bouncing off her seat with her hand in the air. She had to know, right? So Megan called on her and she said, "Faith is like a...(pause) little donut hole." Seriously, that will be one of our infamous family quotes that cracks us all up as soon as it's said. That was followed up by (singing to the tune of "Faith is Like a Little Seed") "Faith is like a little donut hole. If planted it will grow...donuts." Maybe you had to be there, but we had a good laugh. I'm incredibly thankful for the gospel working in the lives of our family.

Happy Birthday Daddy!

Last year we started a strange tradition--don't remember whose idea it was...I want to pin it on Susan because she had some good ideas, but I'm not sure, and it's possible this idea just evolved. Starting on Nick's birthday last year we went to the graves to have a birthday party. Nick's birthday last year was close to a month after Nick, Ruth and Audrey died, and we were all still feeling the loss and the need to be together. Susan, Skeeter, Lala, Monique, Max, and Tony travelled to Cedar Fort from Evanston and we had a birthday party for Nick with cake at the grave. A month later we did the same thing for Audrey, with fewer people. In June we did the same thing for Ruth, that time with April, Wynnie and Dylan, then fed horses afterwards in memory of Ruth. April was weirded out by celebrating a birthday in a cemetary... We fully acknowledged it wasn't your usual birthday celebration, but that it was Joie's tradition, so we do it anyway. Fast forward to this year. I wondered if we'd continue the tradition, and didn't say anything to Joie, not sure if she was just done with birthdays in the cemetary, or if she'd do it again. About a week ago she started planning her daddy's birthday. This time we called it a date, and she and I went alone...Nate and Jeran protested "eating cake in a cemetary." Of all the possibilities of cakes to choose from, Joie picked an oogley-eyed monster cake at Albertsons. It was even "crying." As usual, we left cake at the graves when we left, a piece for everyone. Joie remains unconvinced that spirits can't eat cake. Somehow it's always gone when we go back. I think there are either some really good neighbors or happy dogs in the neighborhood.

Healing Field

Megan at the Healing Field

Healing Field

The year after 9-11, this field was created in Sandy, Utah, near where we live. Every year they put flags up in memorial of those killed on 9-11 and those killed since fighting terrorism. I'm still not quite sure how they decide the number, but this year they maxed out on space for flags and have stopped at 1776 flags, leaving the number there as a reminder of America's freedom being declared in 1776. We usually go as a family, and have memories of going here with Ruth and Nick's family as well. Today Tim got a jump on the tradition and stopped by with Megan and Jeran after dropping Joie off at dance. We plan to all visit before they take it down--it's usually up for about a week.