Ideas about Teaching Cultural Competency

I also do occasional blogs for my work website.

Unfortunately, issues of racism have risen to the surface of our community.  I don't view our community as an uncaring or hostile place to live.  These are issues that affect all communities.  As citizens we need to be aware of actions and work on building culturally competent communities.

As an adoptive parent, it's certainly an issue that has my attention.  I feel strongly about our obligation as a parents and community members to create safe homes and communities for our children.

Here's a recent post from my work blog about helping children, families and communities to develop cultural competence.

The Non-Schedule

My dad owns a clock like this (not sure if he still has it).  It fits his personality.  It also fits the personality of the past two weeks for us.

Poor Tim.  His work schedule has been crazy lately.

He works for the FAA...not sure exactly what his job title is because it changes.  He works with computer systems and when he talks about work he speaks on a foreign language I usually don't understand.

But I do know this.  Over the past few months he is in charge of a team that is supposed to move an entire computer network from one building to another.  And when they're done moving the network, all the computers have to talk to each other the same way they were before they were moved.  And they also have to talk to all the other computers and networks around the country the same way they were before they were moved.  Because apparently computers communicating with each other is important to keeping planes in the air.

It's inside knowledge among family and friends that if the FAA makes the news, Tim is having a bad day at work.  Networked computer systems not networking can create havoc with airports and flight schedules.  His brother even called once when the FAA was in the news just to find out if Tim was working that day...not sure if it was out of concern or to harass him for making the news.

So the goal this week is for the FAA to not make the news.

If that happens, Tim had a good week and you can all call to congratulate him.

But meanwhile, his crazy schedule includes 20 hour shifts...because once you start moving a system you don't stop until it's done.  It includes a lot of 12 and 16 hour shifts also.  I'm not sure how many times Tim has slept at night in the past 3 or 4 weeks, but it's not many.

It feels like he's out of town.

The other day Nate told me, "It's been three days since I saw dad."

And yesterday morning when Gabby asked where dad was I told her he was on his way home from work.  She said, "Oh good.  If he's here today can he make my Indian food?"  (She knows when Tim is home for the day he stocks the refrigerator with Indian food.)

And Megan asked if Dad was going to be here for soccer this weekend.

And fifteen million times over the past several weeks I've heard Tim say, "Oh.  I didn't know that," about things that I assume he should know, then realize I haven't told him because if he's home, he's usually asleep.

As difficult as it is to have him gone so much, it's good to know he's missed.

We can't wait to have him back again, and we're all praying for the FAA to not make the news this week.

A Favorite

I found a new favorite website.  If you have children, you have to check it out.

I remember the huge yellow poster-sized job chart my mom made when I was a kid.

I remember all the charts, stickers, printable chore charts, and reward buckets I've used over the years.

And this new favorite website eliminates all that.

It satisfies Tim's need for lists, and my need for spontaneity (I can change it any time something isn't working).

And best of all, IT'S FREE!


You can choose between retail reward and family rewards.  You create family rewards, such as computer time, TV time, dates, snacks, movies, etc. and kids can redeem rewards for things they want.  Retail rewards link to Amazon's website where you can order to redeem points based on pre-determined prizes.  (Ok...so nothing in life is really free.)

Personally, I don't believe in using retail or monetary rewards for daily chores.  Our family monetary system works a little differently...extra jobs have cash value.

And wouldn't you know it...

Extra jobs are built into this system also.

They thought of everything.


Go check it out (if you haven't already).

Love Note on a Chilly Day

What we woke up to Sunday morning... 

Every time it snows this time of year we hope it's the last, but that usually doesn't happen until June.

Maybe yesterday wasn't our last supercold soccer game.

And Gabby wins the award for the most creative formats for love notes.

First a soccer ball, now a toilet paper roll.

I've never been given a toilet paper roll love note before.  

I think I'll keep it.

First Game of the Season

After weeks and weeks of anticipation, game day finally arrived!

Megan's first game of the season was at 8:00 a.m. this morning, and was cancelled because of snow on the field.  There should be a rule that if there's snow in any part of the day, all games should be cancelled.  

Cancelled game didn't keep Megan from wearing her jersey.  If Megan had her choice, all shirts would be jerseys...and Joie bought the skateboard from a neighbor across the sheet.

By 3:00 there was no snow on the ground or flying through the air, although the next storm of the day did start only an hour after the game.  I digress...this is about soccer, not weather, right?  

(Never mind that 6 hours later I'm still cold.)

Taking it all in.

Gabby following up a strong kick

Looks like she's been doing this for years.

Go Gabby!

(And I still say even if it wasn't too cold for the players, it was too cold for the fans...I'm a wimp when it comes to cold.)

*All photos courtesy of Megan...she makes a great photographer!

Firsts

A lot of people say when you adopt older kids you miss out on firsts:  first words, first steps, first kisses, first laugh.

Maybe.

But not always.  There's always the first time you hear them laugh, or the first words you hear them speak (I still have those first words saved in the form of a voice mail on my phone, and listen to it once in a while just to remember how it felt to get that message).

And there are always those first unsure steps toward you as you meet, and the first kisses that come after waiting and waiting for a child to trust the closeness between you...

But there are other first as well...firsts that come at an older age because they've never experienced some of the same firsts as peers.

Things like being on a soccer team for the first time ever when peers have been chasing a ball around a field almost since they could walk.

It's a thrill to watch a 9 year old become so excited about soccer practice, soccer uniforms, soccer games, and learning to drop kick that she wants to sleep in her soccer uniform and wear it to school the following day.

And everywhere we go she repeats over and over and over to anyone who will listen, "This is my first time playing soccer, ever!"

But my favorite first so far is the first birthday party.

On Monday Gabby got two party invitations.  She's been counting the days, hours, minutes, no...seconds! until her first party.  And 1,000 times this week she has said, "I've never been to a birthday party before."


Today she rushed home from school and spent the next 30 minutes choosing what she'd wear and brushing her hair...and she almost never does that, not even for church.

Then when it was time to go, she was so nervous she wanted me to walk with her, even though she's walked to this friends' house 100 times before.  As we rounded the corner of our street and the party destination was in sight, she took off running.  "Bye, Mom!" she said as she sped out of sight.

And like a mom sending a kindergartener off to school, I wanted to go with her, to be a fly on the wall as she experienced this first.

Instead, I'm waiting patiently to hear about it later...

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

If you have kids, you know it's possible to have good, bad, and ugly all in one day.

The good:  Finding this when Gabby went to bed...

Awwwww...

And just seconds earlier I had been thinking, "When is she going to pick up her soccer gear?"


I'm glad she left it out for me to find.

Megan and Gabby both started spring soccer this week.  Gabby isn't excited.  Not at all...


It's just her very own Wilson.

And a moment of green sharpie craziness.

It's all good.


Very, very good.


On a day that had already seen the bad.


Actually that would be The Bad...


When I see the school number on caller i.d., it usually isn't good news.  Either someone is sick, hurt, or in trouble...

(Or I forgot to pick them up, which has also happened...and is also bad.)

This day it was trouble.

In the form of a suspension?

Bad.  Very, very bad.


Fantasies-of-grounding-him-for-life kind of bad.  And taking away his phone, iPod, friends, and facebook...

Then I pulled up to the school and he got in the car.  He smiled at me.  He knew that I knew and the look on his face made me laugh.  So instead of grounding him for life I just said, "What happened?"

He told me, and what I heard surprised me.  In a good way.  I'm glad I listened instead of reading him the riot act.  And I didn't ground him for life...just until next week.

And today while he was home from school he had to clean the storage room...

And the scary closet (which is ugly, very, very ugly.)

Then more good.  Because that's who he is.

Good in the form of an unsolicited apology.

It warmed my mother heart, which felt very, very good.

The Things We Do

Cheese.  And lots of it.

That's how we celebrated Gabby finally eating cheese.  She planned the party:  Grilled cheese sandwiches for dinner and family game night.

With only one thing on the menu, I'm not sure why we took orders, but Joie as the waitress brought me the following list:

Gabby:  2 grilled cheese sandwiches (later shortened to 1 sandwich)
Nate:  Triple Decker Grilled (he saw it on an episode of Man vs. Food).
Jeran:  Triple Decker Grilled Cheese
Megan:  Grilled cheese sandwich
Joie:  Triple Decker Grilled Cheese (not to be outdone by the boys).

And games.

Including an Othello tournament that isn't finished yet.

To be continued...

Just Thinking

Turn my kids loose with a camera on a Sunday afternoon and anything could happen.  I'm blaming Veggie Tales.


Don't worry...it's not real blood.  Our resident thespian was amused with everyone's concern over his head wound so he dressed up to take the dog for a walk this afternoon...and posed with a pineapple.

And Joie snapped a few face shots in a moment of afternoon boredom.

Like the new haircut?

 Lately I've been thinking a lot about Joie.  

And moving on.

Do you ever move on?  Really?

The other day I came home from a quick trip to the store with Megan.  When I left Joie and Gabby were at the computer singing their favorite songs to YouTube at the top of their lungs.

When I got home, Gabby said, "I think Joie's sad, but I made her feel better."  A few seconds later Joie appeared in the kitchen holding a family picture taken at Niagra Falls of her with her mom, dad and baby sister.  She was crying.

I hugged her and cried too.  Apparently if you sing the wrong songs on YouTube it all comes flowing back.  Forget moving on.  It's all still there, just as real as it was the day it happened.  Life goes on and other things fill in the empty spaces, but there's that place the pain goes in your heart that gets re-opened once in a while, and ouch.  


Last week Joie's bereavement coordinator and super awesome grief counselor from Primary Children's Hospital (see her great blog about grief here) sent me an email, and inadvertently tucked away in the middle of the email was a phrase about your transformation being part of the legacy to your loved one.

I see us transforming a lot lately, and it's tuff.  Our relationship (that was been built on grief) has a need greater than any of us to be about something else.  It's more than a desire.  It has to be. 

Lately I'm very aware that she and I are getting to know each other in ways which have nothing to do with being here because her mom isn't, but because I'm her mom, and she's my daughter, and we love each other.  Not because we have to but because we want to.

It's about looking at her and seeing Joie, and not thinking about Ruth, Nick or Audrey.

It's about giving her permission to be her own person.

But I struggle with how, both because this step is new territory, and also because I have to.  Just like we had to get through the loss, and and the adjustments, and the healing.

So we're in this weird middle place, and probably always will be...moving on, but never really moving on because always and forever there is this little place in our hearts that always remembers, and when that place gets touched...

Whether it's by YouTube or a memory...

There are moments we miss them.

And we cry.

And we move on.

And transform.

Keeping It Real

"Owwwww!"  That is what Jeran's text from last night said when his phone finally came back into range this afternoon.  That was on his way home from a snowmobiling trip with the Boy Scouts.

...17 hours after being hit in the head with a shovel.  This is him on the way home from Urgent Care, after we were told it had been too many hours since his injury to stitch it up.

The Boy Scouts did a great butterfly band-aid job...which came off (along with part of his eyebrow) when he pulled off the larger band-aid which was placed over the butterflies.

Tonight the the butterflies have been re-applied by a very kind neighbor who comes to my rescue in all things medical.

Later this afternoon when we went for haircuts, it was superfun to get all of the tiny hairs out from around the band-aid and cut on his forehead.  But it was nice that he got his hair shampooed.  Now he won't have to get his head wet in the shower.

And Joie got her hair cut short again.  She's all about change.  So even though "I really, really want long hair," it's short again.

This afternoon Joie helped Gabby create a blog.  We'll post that link later.  Viewing will be by invite only.

And sometime in all of the happenings of the day Nate and Megan went to a movie with friends.

This next one you won't believe...

Yesterday Gabby ate cheese!  She's so proud of herself.  Megan's friend cooked her a grilled cheese sandwich, and she ate it (chalk one up to peer pressure).  She maintains that she still doesn't like cheese, "except on grilled cheese sandwiches," but has asked me three times today how we are going to celebrate her eating cheese.  She even called me while I was at work to tell me.  I think we need a party...and friends...but especially a party.  (We'll be serving grilled cheese sandwiches.)

Day-To-Day

My muscles ache today from unsuccessfully attempting to loosen lug nuts yesterday.  When I woke up it took me a minute to remember why my muscles would be hurting.

I'm blogging more this year.  My goal has been to capture more of the day-to-day things that happen to us.

Like sand trenches and digging holes to China.

 

And to think that we wanted to get rid of the swing set and sand box because the kids were too old...

And on my camera I found these pictures of our tween crowd following the latest supercool fashion trend...

Leggings with jean shorts.

Now the fashionistas say everyone in school is copying them.

But there wasn't school today.  

I don't remember the last Friday the kids had school.  Furlough days, ELB days, Parent Teacher Conferences...

I just checked the calendar and the week of February 7-11th was the last time there was a full week of school.

Frightening.

But we've had some fun days off.

Today I worked while Tim was home.  He stocked the fridge with egg curry and made beef stew for dinner...and shopped and did laundry.

But I need to go fold it.

And it has been a friend day for the kids.  Right now the girls are outside playing Ghost in the Graveyard with about four other neighborhood girls.  I'm sure our neighbor who likes to call the police is loving the noise.

Tonight Tim is working and Jeran is snowmobiling with scouts.  He called a few minutes ago to say he got hit in the head with a shovel "because we were digging in the dark."  

But not to worry.  He said it only throbs a little and an adult was able to get a butterfly band-aid on it.  (That was after he told me they sanitized a fishing hook and fishing line to sew it up.)

See what I mean?

We love the day-to-day.

Lucky St. Patrick's Day

"May your blessings outnumber the shamrocks that grow, and may trouble avoid you wherever you go."  Irish blessing

I feel blessed.  ...Blessings that outnumber the shamrocks.

But today trouble didn't get the memo.  It wasn't really avoiding me.  In fact it followed me all day.

Ask me what time I woke up this morning.  

(It was 7:02, and I had to drive Nate's carpool at 7:10, and no one else was awake yet either.)  

I'm blaming daylight savings time, and body clocks that aren't reset yet.

By 8:15 I had dropped off Gabby at school.  She needed a ride because she wasn't ready to walk when Joie left earlier.  I drove back home, turned off the ignition, and heard a very faint hsssssssss....... that grew louder when I opened the door.  I watched my tire go flat in front of my eyes.

At least it happened after I pulled in the driveway.  A blessing for sure.

In a panic, I called Tim.

No answer.

I sent a text.

No response.

I called his work number.

He was in the new building preparing for the move.  (I knew that, but I was desperate.)

Then I asked myself:  What exactly do I want Tim to do?  Come home from work and change the tire for me?  

I was embarrassed to think of it, but I had looked all over the car and couldn't find the spare tire.  The whole time I was thinking:  What kind of farm girl am I anyway?  

...All those hours my dad spent making sure his daughters knew how to change tires (and oil, and spark plugs...but don't tell anyone because I'm not changing the oil or the spark plugs...and if I've forgotten Algebra after all these years, I've certainly forgotten those things).

But changing a tire.  That's like riding a bike.  You never forget.

If I could just find the tire!

Tim finally called back, and I could tell he didn't want to drive home to change a tire, but he was coming anyway.

And as he drove I said, "Maybe you can just talk me through this.  I can't even find the tire!"

And he did.  (The tire was under the car and had to be released by inserting one of the many toolie thingies in a hole in the back of the car and twisting.)

That was easy.  (Except for the part where I had to find the toolie thingies under the middle seat, and find the right combination of tools to do the twisting...and it was a rightie loosie twist instead of a lefty loosie twist...)

Now for the lug nuts.  I knew this part!  I was home free!  I started to work fast so I could finish before Tim got home.  

I could change a tire.  Really, I could.  I'm a farm girl.  I know how to change a tire.

But some extra muscle would have been nice.  Who tightened those lug nuts anyway?  I put my entire weight on the toolie thingy that loosens the lug nuts and nothing moved.

I was still talking to Tim on the phone.  

"Why don't you make me an omelet?"  he says.  He didn't eat breakfast before he left for work at 6:00 a.m. (which was when I should have gotten out of bed instead of falling back to sleep).

So I went inside to make an omelet.  Then while it was cooking, I went back outside to loosen lug nuts.  

Because that would look soooooo good if I could cook an omelet and loosen lug nuts.

But while I was loosening lug nuts, the omelet burned.  ...Not really, just sort of.  And it looked more like scrambled eggs than an omelet, but Tim ate it anyway.

After he loosened the lug nuts and changed the tire.

I could have done it.  Really.  If I could have found the spare tire and toolie thingies.  And if I could have loosened the lug nuts that some air compressor in a tire shop tightened.  No one could have loosened those.  Tim even said they were tighter than they were last week when he changed the tire.

Yes.  This was the second flat tire in a week.  Same tire.  But he changed the first one because I was at work.  (And he didn't even need to call me to come home.)

So why does it bother me so much that Tim had to drive home to change the tire?  Because my dad programmed my brain to understand that girls need to know how to change tires!

And cook eggs.  But I think that program came from my mom.  

Quoting my facebook post today:  Dear Dad: Thank you for teaching this farm girl how to change a tire. However, you didn't tell me that in the year 2011 it would take a degree in rocket science to remove the spare tire and tools from the vehicle in order to change the tire.

So I'm blaming the rocket scientists that design toolie thingies and attach spare tires under vehicles.  And day light savings time.  I'm blaming both of them.

The good news is that the tire was changed and I got Nate's cookies to school on time (because in the seven minutes he had to wake up and get out the door, he forgot them).

But I got them there.  And took the crisis appointment for a kid who got caught texting about drugs.

And cleaned the house before Activity Days this afternoon.

But I had to go to the store twice because I forgot to buy popcorn for the green popcorn balls we were making in Activity Days as part of our leprechaun service project.  And I had to borrow corn syrup from a neighbor because I forgot that too.

I'm blaming daylight savings time.  And the flat tire.  And my crazy day that was definitely blessed with all kinds of love and great moments...

But it wasn't free of trouble.  The leprechauns forgot that part this year.

Running Away

If you live with kids, you know at some point you're going to hear those woeful words:


"I'm running away!"


That was last night for our adult wannabe girl.

Because the recreation center we go to doesn't allow children under 12 to be unsupervised in the facility.

Ridiculous rule.

"But Mo-om.  I'm eleven and a half!"

I was desperately trying to understand the logic (more especially how I got sucked into an argument about rules I didn't create).


Because apparently, eleven and a half year-olds are the new twelve.

And in an attempt to prove her maturity, she ran away.

In her still-wet swim suit.

Because in the spring, 40-something degrees is the new 80.

But she came back.  Within minutes.

"Because you're a bad mom!  You didn't even bring me a jacket!"


Then we talked.

Then she showered and buried herself in toasty warm blankets and slept.

And she's still sure that even though most eleven and a half year olds should be supervised in the gym, she's old enough for no supervision.

Hmmmmm....

It might work.

...As long as they'll hand kids a jacket when they run out the door.

Go Gabby!

Gabby in action a few weeks ago during a basketball game against cousins, aunts and uncles

There are days I wish I could clone the initiative and drive in Gabby and give it out in doses to the rest of us.

(Probably starting with myself.)

Her Activities:  In a few short months she's taken a round of ice skating lessons, started piano lessons, stopped piano lessons, started again, and will be starting soccer in a few weeks.  We limit kid activities to one music and one sporting activity at a time.  If we didn't, she'd sign up for everything.  Last night when she was falling asleep she asked me when basketball season starts.  The seasons in Utah are now:  soccer, baseball, swimming, soccer, and basketball.  Oh yeah...and depending on her mood she might throw ice skating back in there too.

Homework:  Gabby takes homework very seriously.  Self-motivation is one of her strengths.  Last week a 10 page extra-credit math packet came home with her.  She pushed her way through, and even impressed herself.  She wakes up in the morning and does her daily reading then so she can get through homework faster in the afternoon (i.e. to play with friends).

It turns out she is just as serious about her work at school.

Reading:  She's gone from 18 words per minute in January to 98 words per minute just last week.  At this rate she'll be at her grade level before the end of the year.  The people who work with her on reading say she can't wait to set her new goal each week and always reaches or surpasses it.

(Thank you, thank you, thank you to her reading volunteers.  Sometimes it really does take a village.)

Math:  She's still working on some foundation skills, but somehow also managing to keep up with grade level math, and pulling high scores.

Friends:  She's everyone's friend.  Every adult in the school loves her, and she is sensitive and willing to help other kids who need help.

(I think her comfort level in helping others came from her foster mom in Omaha.  Thanks Jan!)

Chores:  Not a favorite for any kid, but Gabby pulls out her list without a lot of reminding and gets it done quickly (again, so she can play with friends).  She figures out how to do new jobs easily, and doesn't let anything distract her once she starts working.

I tell people all the time that anyone who gets to know Gabby in this lifetime is blessed.  We are so, so, so blessed.

A View From The Mountain

This is a photo taken last fall on a hike with a few of my sisters and their families during fall break.  

We were in Idaho, climbing Black Pine Mountain, the mountain that was our mountain growing up.

And even though I'd seen that view before, it was more than a breath of fresh air to my soul that day.

It was windy that day, and a little rainy...

But nice for a fall day.  

Not too cold.

Not too warm.

And even though the raindrops made us wonder if we'd get stuck in a storm, we didn't get too wet.

Along the way there were nice views.

The fall colors were amazing.

There were a few obstacles in the trail...

But the kids were troopers...

Even though they were so tired!

(Joie with Eve, Dani, and Olivia.)

We all looked forward to breaks when we could get a drink...

 Or snack on some trail mix.

But when we reached the top, it was oh, so worth it.

Tired bodies were smiling again.

(My sister, Becky, and her daughter, Sydney...check out their blog.)

A view from the mountain will do that to you.

And so it is in life.

We trudge along our individual path, sometimes enjoying some decent views.

Trails can seem long.

Storms can threaten.

Obstacles get in our way.

We need breaks.

And nourishment...

To both body and spirit.

For me that comes in the form of daily walks with God.

Prayer.

My own and prayers of my family.

(I love to hear children pray.  They speak to God like he is a friend.)

Scriptures.

Verses of much eternal perspective for my worried and anxious soul.

(And treasured moments of family time that are usually worth the battle to get us all there.)

A view from The Mountain.

Tired bodies smiling again.

Life is once again in focus through the lens of eternal perspective.

And the journey continues.

Cake Anyone?

I like carrot cake.  I have carrot cake every year for my birthday.

But for whatever reason, this year I was craving Costco cake.

And yes, both of the above selections contain refined sugar.  

(Shhhhhh....It's my birthday.)

But Costco cake isn't quite what I remember...

And because it's a Costco cake there was a lot left over!

Cake, anyone?

Still, a fun day celebrating with my family...

And the photos are goofy...  

But not boring.

Lucill Ball said, "The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age."

Today I did all three.  Actually Gabby lied about my age.  I just let her.  

(She said I was 29.)

Then later she learned my real age, and well...

It's not 29.

If there were more hours in the day I would have gone sledding.  

Really.

Because when I was younger I used to wish for snow on my birthday so when my friends came over we could go sledding.

But I shoveled snow instead.

And ate cake (loaded with refined sugar).