Adoption Awareness Month: Meet Megan

Let me introduce you to one of my favorite adoptees:

Isn't she beautiful?

13 years, 2 months, and 19 days ago I held Megan in my arms for the first time, and couldn't believe she was ours.  At just a few days shy of three months old, she was the most alert baby I had seen at that age--not at all what I was expecting (and she walked at 8 months... No wonder it didn't ever feel ever like she was a baby).

When we met Megan at the airport, we weren't sure what to expect.  We had already been in love with her weeks before she arrived, but knew she didn't know us from all the other strangers in the airport.  I remember how difficult it was to have so much love for her, and have her look at us with uncertainty and curiosity.  Even though I knew we didn't create the loss that brought her to us, I knew we represented that loss to her.  In a moment of panic, I began to question our decision. 

Then in one of those moments of truth, when we were at the car and I buckled her in her car seat, I looked back and saw three babies where one month earlier there had been only one.  I looked down at Megan who was looking up at me.  I swear her tiny infant self knew exactly the panic I was feeling in my heart, because she literally put her hand on top of mine, and I felt a current of love pass between us that was so real I knew our souls had been connected before and we were finding each other again.  It was a magic and spiritual moment that I've never forgotten.

Megan is still that same kind, loving soul.  It's a part of her nature, and that sense I had of who she was hasn't changed.  It has been our blessing to have her in our family.  I call her the family glue.  Literally, she is the bond between the boys and the girls, and as the first adopted child, she has helped the newer adopted members of our family to feel connected and make the transition to a new family and new life.  We are so blessed to have her in our lives!

Besides being a gifted friend and athlete, Megan also has a beautiful voice.  She's never had voice lessons, but she's always loved to sing, and in the past year has found the courage inside her to perform.  (That doesn't run in the family...trust me!)  Yesterday evening, she stood up in front of a junior high auditorium full of peers and parents at a fall music concert and sang a solo.  Yes, a solo.  She sang one of our favorite family songs, that (we think) tells the story of adoption.  I even blogged about it (here) last year before we went to meet Gabby.  

So here is Megan, sining "Bless The Broken Road," by Rascal Flatts.  We're glad Megan's road brought her to our family!  (And what would a performance be without camera issues...I've never changed batteries so quickly.)

We love you Megan!

Adoption Awareness Month: Meet Nicki

Let me introduce you to an a new acquaintance...Nicki.  I only met Nicki recently through the blogging world, and already have two very important things in common:  teenagers, and adoption.  I love Nicki's perspective on things, and her ability to advocate for those who are helpless.  Her words give a much needed voice to those who don't have one.  Thank you, Nicki!

Hi, I'm Nicki. I'm the mum of three homegrown boys and one gorgeous little girl, Nicole, adopted from the Philippines. I am, in no particular order, 37, Married, Christian and passionate about practical mission work because it distresses me to know that children are eating dirt for lack of food. We are an Aussie family which makes Nicole our little Phaussie!

The desire to adopt had been with me from a very young age but I managed to push it aside for many years, too caught up in having our bio kids and then continuing to push it aside due to adoption being a very difficult and expensive process in Australia. I remember calling my mum one day in tears, as you do, saying that I wanted to adopt but that it was too expensive. I'd like to say she said 'Oh, there there, everything will be ok, come over and I'll bake you something.' What she actually did say changed our life. She said 'If you want something badly enough you'll find a way to make it happen.' Ouch.

So began our three year journey of form after form, social workers visiting our home, medicals, TB testing, psych testing and waiting and waiting, and waiting, and waiting. You see, when our file finally made it to the Philippines all communication stopped. All we knew was that when we were allocated a child we would get a phone call. I'll tell you this, I carried my mobile phone around with me everywhere I went. There were many times that I turned the car around half way to town to retrieve that phone - just.in.case.

Eighteen months and three weeks of phone carrying later I waved my husband off on a  6am plane to Bali where he was going to lead a team of young people to work in the slum areas of dempasar. Tossing my phone onto the fridge when I arrived home I thought to myself 'God won't let us get the call while Paul is away, I may as well just relax for a couple of weeks.'

3.45pm the same day.

Ring Ring
Hello
Is this Nicki?
Yes it is.
Nicki, It's Rebecca calling from DOCS. We have an allocation for you. You have a baby girl!

SOB.

I couldn't speak for crying - so much so that she offered to call back when I could talk! What followed was a mad flurry of running around sharing the news with the boys, then extended family and FINALLY with Paul who was standing in the customs line at Dempasar airport when he found out he was a Daddy again!

Our adoption experience has been a real rollercoaster from the highs of deciding to adopt, to the lows of the wait, to the high of meeting our baby girl, to the lows of not sleeping for a year. But the whole experience has been wonderful. The most unique part of our adoption is that our daughter was named by her birthmum long before we knew her. Why she chose Nicole I will possibly never know. My name is Nicole too. I figure there must be a reason for that which will unfold in the future.

We haven't had too many odd comments but we do get 'the look' as people try to figure out if she's 'ours' or not. Ah - yeah - she is! Probably the funniest is when a well meaning stranger delightfully declared 'She looks like you!' Hmm, not so much - but thanks!

Adoption is wonderful. Yes, it's hard, but so, so worth it!

My blog, Coming Home, shares our adoption journey from when we left the orphanage with Nicole. If you look at the blog archive the story starts in April with the post Peanutbutter Kisses followed by In the Beginning and Running away 1 mm at at time. Just keep going chronologically from there! I hope you enjoy the ride as much as we did.

Hi, it's me again.  I started reading Nicole's story and couldn't stop.  I'm recommending a few more posts because Nicki does such a great job of bringing awareness to the plight of literally millions of children and families who suffer every day.  It makes me wish I had billions of dollars and all the time and emotional energy in the world to help.  A few posts I loved:  What value can be placed? and a more recent post that really tugged at my heart titled Broken Hearted.  


Thank you Nicki for introducing us to the world of international adoption.

Sunday Sharing

Keeping on with our theme of thanksgiving and gratitude this month:  I heard this quote recently, and even though it would never happen, it makes me think a little.


"What if you woke up today with only the things you thanked God for yesterday?"


Of course my brain first went to the things I think I couldn't live without...  family, friends, home, food, water, air, clothing, employment, faith, sleep...

And other things I'm pretty sure I'd never want to live without...   freedom; the ability to move, speak, and think; employment that I love, safety and security, nature's abundant beauty, a dishwasher, a slow cooker (and Tim's mad, genius electronics skills that fixed the slow cooker.)

Then there are those little things...conveniences that I've come to depend on:  transportation, grocery stores stocked with every food item imaginable, my phone, kleenexes (which I used a lot of yesterday, thank you fall sniffles that have me feeling just...blah), great educational and extra-cirricular opportunities for my children, flushing toilets...  And did you ever stop to think about what would happen if the postal service or garbage man just stopped coming?

As our attempts to fill our gratitude jar before Thanksgiving continue, I'm thinking we could fill it in a day just thinking about those "little things" like the garbage man, slow cookers, and kleenexes.  We are so, so, so thankful for our families, friends, the gospel, the Savior...and inevitably those things make the gratitude list every time we put kernels in our gratitude jar...

But this week we are going to try thinking outside the box to give thanks for all those other things...the refrigerator, the furnace, gas stations, satellite TV...

Your turn.  What would make your list?

Adoption Awareness Month: Meet Susan

Today it is my pleasure to introduce you to Susan.  

Susan in the blue on the left pictured with her mom and sisters

...Now to explain how I know Susan.  There is no combination of relationship terms that describes how we're "related."  Technically, Susan is my sister's mother-in-law, and grandmother to Joie.  In 2007, Joie's family died in a car accident.  My sister and her husband (Susan's son), and their baby girl were suddenly gone, and as extended family members our lives began to fuse with Susan's life, connected by our mutual love of Joie and family members we lost.  Eventually, Susan and the entire Caldwell and Weaver families adopted us. (Thank you all!)  We've even attended their family reunions, and I was there recently to welcome two of her grandchildren into the world.  Susan calls our children her grandchildren, and they call her "Grandma Susan."  


It wasn't until I had known Susan for a while that I learned she was adopted.  I've always felt that her own understanding of the sometimes complicated feelings that go along with adoption have allowed her to "relate" to Joie in a different way.  So without further explanation, let me introduce you to Susan.

Hi, I'm Susan.  I am an adoptee.  My favorite bedtime story when I was a little girl was "tell me how you got me."  I don't ever remember asking my Mom how she got my sisters.  I think I must have assumed she got them the same way.   I use the word 'birth parents' but when I use the term parents, it means the Dad and Mom who adopted me, who loved me, who raised me, who took care of me since I was 6 days old.  My parents had two girls and due to health problems were told not to have any more kids.  They checked into adoption and were told to be grateful they had two kids.  Any babies available for adoption were going to people who had no kids.  But sometime during the summer of 1956 my grandmother and her niece came to see my Mom.  The niece had a daughter who was pregnant and wanted to place the baby for adoption.  Was Mom interested?  Of course she was.  So when I was six days old I joined this wonderful family.  

When I was in second grade a friend would walk to our house and catch a ride to school.  One day as we were in the back seat she said to me "You know, she's not really your mother."  Her mother had evidently said something about me being adopted.  I replied "Yes, she is."  This conversation continued on the way to school.  My Mom didn't hear this.  When I got home she could tell I was upset.  I told her what this girl had said and I started to cry.  My Mom hugged me and told me she wanted to tell me a big secret.  She told me I couldn't tell anyone this especially that girl or she would feel very bad.  I said ok.  She talked to about our LDS temples.  She told me that when I was one year old, she and my Dad had taken me to the temple and had me sealed to them.  She said that I was going to be with them forever and ever, even after death.  I was so thrilled with this idea and never said anything to my friend because her family's religious beliefs were different those of my family.  I knew she didn't know about forever families and I didn't want to hurt her.

When I was a teenager I helped my Grandmother with some geneology work.  She showed me several family group sheets.  She told me how my birth mother was related to her.  Then she told me that my birth mother had three older children that had been adopted out.  She had names and birthdates for two of them.  I have often wondered where they are and what they look like.   When I was a teenager I found out that after my birth, my birth mother married  a man and had two more daughters that she raised.  I never wondered why she gave me away and kept them.  What I had a hard time with was  knowing I have half sisters that I don't know.  Several years ago I found a cousin that gave me pictures of my birth mother and these girls.  I found out their names.  My birth mother has passed away.  I recently found these two women on facebook and sent them a message explaining who I am.  But so far I have received no response.  I hope someday that I will be able to meet them.  

I think if I had any advice to give to adopted parents it would be to be totally open and honest with your children.  I'm glad my mother was wise enough to always tell me the truth.  I have heard of teenagers finding out they were adopted and being upset about this.  But because this was something I've always known, it never bothered me.  She always answered any questions I had.  

As Susan was sending me information for this post, she told me the story of the day she came home to her forever family.  As an adoptive parent who has lived through the disappointing loss of adoptions taht don't work out, I know what her family must have been feeling, and love how Susan captured the excitement of her sisters when they knew they had a baby sister.  Susan wrote:

When I was 3 days old Mom and Brenda (sister) went to get me from the hospital.  Before they arrived someone had taken me in to my birth mother and let her hold me.  When my mom and Brenda arrived, my birth mother's mom came out and said she had changed her mind. But she also told Mom that she  wasn't taking care of me for my birth mother and she knew Mom would end up with me.  Three days later they got a call that I would be in their family.   Brenda now tells how she saw the car at the house on her way walking home from school. She and Marsha ran all the way home because they knew their new baby sister was there.  

Thanks Susan, for sharing!  We look forward to meeting others this month whose lives are touched by adoption.

11.11.11

Jeran left for school this morning wearing a red poppy that one of his teachers had given him, and four of our five children helped set up and/or take down flags that were posted throughout our neighborhood.  Through the day I thought of my brother, and my grandfather, and many others who have stood between us and tyranny, terrorism and threats from enemies of freedom.  I've always known freedom, and I like to think I've always appreciated it, but I know sometimes I take it all for granted.  I'm thankful for days like today that help us remember.

And now for this really cool number on the calendar.  When I started this post it was 10:11 p.m. on 11.11.11.  Cool, right?

Even better is the fact that we're staying up tonight until 11:11 p.m. on 11.11.11.  One hour to go!

All day I kept thinking, "Wouldn't it be awesome if one of those really amazing, once-in-a-lifetime things happened today?"  I found myself wishing someone in our family was being born, or married, or celebrating a birthday (or that I could win a million dollars...girl can dream...).

Then tonight it happened.


Gabby ate chicken.

...Not the battery, fried stuff they sell at fast food places (which to date is really the only chicken she's wanted to eat), but real, off-the-grill chicken.  She actually dipped it in Ranch dressing, but who cares.  She ate it!

The funny part is, I seriously resigned myself to the idea that she was vegetarian, even before we met her.  We'd heard she didn't like meat, and that was just ok.  (She'd somehow survived to that point in her life without it.)  It just didn't seem to matter a lot.

And as the year has progressed, food has been the least of our worries.  It's sometimes a little difficult to find a place to eat out that everyone can eat.  For a while if we went to Subway, we'd end up stopping somewhere else to get food for Gabby.  And family dinner has frequently consisted of her heating up Indian food while we eat whatever we're eating.

Then we noticed she would actually eat things she didn't think she'd like (such as pizza) but it has to be the right kind, and if it's not, she just peels off the toppings and eats the crust and says, "This pizza is delicious!"

But anytime someone does something new there should be a celebration..

So in the spirit of celebration that we like to do a lot around here, we used the leftover dinner to make Chicken and Tomato Balti, which she also ate (she was trying to wait until 11:11 p.m. on 11.11.11 to eat it, but it was too good.)

And we watched a movie and painted fingernails...

And in about 25 minutes it will be bedtime.  'Night all!

(And looking forward to my mom's birthday on 12.12.12.  I feel another celebration coming on!