Diana Jo Weaver Jarman

I love island traditions. Many of them have their roots in maintaining human relationships, and I have always been amazed at the wisdom that is in the simplicity of age-old customs and once again I find myself thinking of an island tradition that helps bring peace to our family situation. In the Marshall Islands, all of a mother's sisters are mothers to her children and all of a father's brothers are fathers to his children. Children call all their parents by mother and father, and readily accept care and comfort from numerous mothers and fathers in their lifetimes. Just as readily, they give respect and deference to the guidance and instruction of all their parents. The wisdom of this custom allows for the complete care of a child.

Today we legally adopted Joie, and I found myself feeling thankful again for an island tradition I was introduced to nearly 20 years ago that has helped me to embrace the idea of being another mother to Joie. I can't begin to explain the feelings connected to the idea of having to take the place of parents Joie has lost, but thinking of myself as another mother frees me from that impossible ideal and allows me to settle into the gentle, loving care of a little girl who deserves nothing less.

I believe strongly that every child deserves to grow up feeling the bonds of love and affection that are part of parent-child relationships. To me that means more than care. It is the absolute spontaneous sharing of life and emotions that we share only with those who are closest to us. The tasks of day-to-day caring come easily, but the task of moving from familiar status to one of parents and child who share a unique bond has been at times daunting. I have often wondered at how a child could come into the home of near strangers and form bonds of attachment, and truly, the task has been as much hers as it is ours. I marvel at the courage of a little girl that will allow her heart to love and trust again after losing everything. Through the days of hearing, "I hate you!" and "You're all bunch of idiots!" two thoughts have remained with me: 1) Every child deserves to have the love of a family; and 2) A kind, merciful, loving Father in Heaven did not intend for one of his children to grow up in pain without the love of a family.

All these thoughts lead me to the present. Tonight Joie fell asleep in my arms on the couch. The other kids had gone to bed and I just let her sleep until something woke her up. She has only done that one other time, and it brings peace to my heart to see her relax into letting herself be close to parents who were at one time strangers to her and who are trying as hard as she is to figure this out as we go along. I found myself holding her and thinking again of island traditions, and even more importantly of gospel traditions such as hope, faith, healing, atonement, and eternity. These gospel traditions are real, and are athe reason for our hearts and lives being whole. It is with love we welcome Joie into our family. What a blessing she is in our lives!