Just to Clarify

Note to self:  Don't hit publish at 2:00 in the morning.

Warning to everyone else:  Read the previous post with caution.

I do think I might have alarmed a few people with that last post, so just to clarify:  Tim and I are married and in love.

But just to better explain my last post, I thought of an analogy.  On March 11, 2011 there was an earthquake and tsunami in Japan.  Over a  year later, many of us have forgotten the devastation, but were reminded recently as debris from the tsunami started washing ashore half way around the world.  The debris has been floating in the currents of the Pacific, undetected until it washed ashore.  It was mysterious and amazing, as so many things in nature are, and a reminder of the power of Mother Nature that the effects of that earthquake and tsunami could be felt all these months later.  Although people in Japan continued to recover, many of the rest of us have forgotten, and as is human, we focus on our own lives and challenges.

Almost 5 years ago, our family and many, many others were affected by the deaths of Ruth, Nick and Audrey.  The initial effects of this loss were tremendous on all those who experienced it (not just our family, but many, many others).  Within months of this loss, many people had moved on and little by little, so did we.  Then several months ago, Tim and I started to notice debris from this tragedy washing ashore in our relationship.  It surprised us, and caught us off guard, but was a reminder of the power of this kind of tragedy, and the need to continue the healing process.  On the other side of that healing is more family growth, and new and deeper meaning about life and love and family, which makes us thankful again we have each other.

One of the pieces of debris we noticed was our own self-imposed need to get this all right.  No mistakes allowed.  To much was at stake.  It put us in a place in our relationship where we didn't want to burden each other with our worries, fears, challenges, etc. because we understood how much each other already had on our plates.  We were too busy dealing with what was in front of us to worry about the possibility of what might wash ashore later.

It's now later, and it's a relief to us both to be able to be at this point, and yet a reminder of the power of the kind of loss we've been through, as well as the losses our children have been through.  It is likely that grief/loss/trauma debris will continue to wash ashore for years to come.  At this particular point, I just wanted a break in my mind from blogging about it all.

That's it.  Nothing more.

Family.  Forever, for always, no matter what. 

(And Tim--I'm still looking for that guest post.)