Do As I Say, Not As I Do...

Guess who was Star Student this week?  

(Hint:  Her name starts with a "G" and ends with "abby".)

And I'm proud to report that with the exception of one brief brain lapse (see more about recent brain lapses here), I didn't forget anything all week.  (Never mind that the brain lapse happened the first day of the week...nothing an email reminder from her teacher couldn't repair.)  

But aside from that one brain lapse, the Start Student made it to school every day with requisite posters, show-and-tell items, and family members in tact on the appropriate days at the appropriate times.  

Friday (today) was the day for class treats.  From the beginning of the year, as a dedicated member of the PTA board (when I remember to show up to meetings), I've completely championed the idea of the new Healthy Kids campaign in our elementary school.  I even incorporated Healthy Kids into Red Ribbon Week to get it out there in front of parents, and to spread the word.  Then as rewards for the winners in our Red Ribbon Week contest, we involved the winning classes in a fun physical activity rather than a donut party.  I was gung-ho Healthy Kids all the way!

So when it was time for Gabby to take a classroom treat as Star Student, I decided to join the ranks of the dedicated parents who have chosen to substitute sugary snacks with a game or fun prizes rather than send students home from school all sugared up.

Best of intentions...

Enter the wild card...Gabby!  (Can't believe I just called my own daughter a wild card, but for those who know Gabby, it fits.)

We talked all week about possible fun prizes or fun activities with her class, but even after all my best efforts, Gabby just couldn't be swayed.  I was facing a life-sized parent dilemma:  Do I:  

a) let the Star Student be the Star Student and choose her own class treat?

b) use parent veto power and override the Star Student's main request for the week?

Also tugging at my heart was the idea of a girl who was star for a week, and got to call all the shots, who has missed out on the opportunity to be the star in her own life so many times before...times when adults didn't even protect her, let alone care about her choice of class treat on Star Student week.  What would a little sugar hurt?

I'm also a little embarrassed to add that my ego was playing a role in this decision.  The oldest daughter of the mom in charge of Healthy Kids is in Gabby's class.  There was a part of me that, in spite of my daughter being Star Student, wanted to push her to make a healthy choice just to save face.  (Yes, next I'll be starring in my own version of Desperate Housewives.)

The mom who values my child's independent spirit and new-found ability to learn to direct her own life won out.  Gabby and I walked through the front doors of the school this morning loaded down with bags of cookies and sugary drinks, all designated for consumption by one very excited 4th grade class...right past the principal...right past the front office...  I felt like I was smuggling contraband into the school.

I think my ego was showing again when I nervously tried explaining to Gabby's teacher why I was bringing sugar instead of a fun prize for the class...  I'm sure she doesn't care, but I felt the need to explain myself anyway.  When the words, "Gabby's choice" escaped my lips, I knew I didn't have to explain.  Her body language told me she knew the same independent minded girl I knew.  

Go Gabby!

Long Overdue Visit

We aren't as good about visiting Joie's family's graves as we used to be.  Partly because we used to go a lot for Joie, but she doesn't feel the need anymore.  Her dad's birthday passed this year without going.  Her baby sister's birthday passed without going.  As Christmas approached, we thought we'd go, but she kept saying she didn't need to, and wasn't really interested.  Tim and I talked about just taking her, but wanted to  respect where she was at.

This week we started talking about going again.  Tim said, "Let's just go."   We both wanted to, and realizing that as Joie disappears into the "me-ness" of her teen brain for the next several years, the habits of remembering and connecting can't be set aside.

So today I told her dad and I were going to the graves after church and asked if she wanted to come.  "That depends," she said.  "Can we make cookies?"  I've said before that I'm not sure where this habit of leaving treats and gifts for her family came from, but it lives on...

Out of curiosity I asked Joie, "Would you still go if we didn't make cookies?"  


"Hmmmm...maybe," she said, "But I want to make cookies."


So late this afternoon, Tim and I, along with Joie and a plate of three cookies for Mom, Dad, and Audrey, made the trip to Cedar Fort to the graves.

Some trips out there are emotional for me, and some aren't.  Today was an emotional day, which caught me completely off guard because I wasn't expecting it.  As we started driving, and turned off the exit toward Cedar Fort, I was suddenly back there 5 years, going to visit my sister, and wanted so much right then just to drive to her house and talk...and talk and talk and talk and never say good-bye.

Then right there in the middle of my emotions, Tim decided to go all dad-of-the-year on me, and said, "I remember the first time I met your mom..." and started telling Joie about his first memory of Ruth sitting on a couch in my parents' house going over a drama monologue with my brother Joe, and listening to them talk about their drama competition.

As we drove to Cedar Fort, I was an emotional fly on the wall in their conversation about memories.  At the graves, I walked around to the back of the headstones to read the familiar inscription:  "...Therefore the grave hath no victory, and the sting of death is swallowed up in Christ."  (Mosiah 16:8)  Then beneath the inscription, the words:

Our girls:  

Diana Jo

Audrey Esther

And I knew once again, like I'd known so many times before that this little family would be together again.  These graves would not be the end.

On the way home we stopped at the familiar Cedar Fort store for a bottle of Cream Soda, Joie's tradition with her dad that has also somehow carried over...

And Joie asked questions about tires and what makes them pop...hard questions to answer.

Then, just when I thought I was safe from tears, Tim says to Joie, "I want you to know I love you, Joie."

(Little pause...then I could hear in his voice that he was crying too.)

"I know you've had a lot of hard challenges, but you're coming through like shining stars," he said.

As he said it, I'm not sure why, but my mind went right to what it must feel like in that moment to be Joie, hearing those words, that she was loved and that her other dad was proud of her.  I'm pretty sure she must have been beaming on the inside.  

What an honor it is to be her parents, and to share her life.  As difficult as the journey sometimes is, who can't help but love being connected to a beautiful life.  It's one of those joyful parenting days, for sure.

Sunlight!

Those of us who live in northern climates know how long winters can get.  Even mild winters like this one (at least here in Utah) can get dark and hazy.  It seems like no matter how bitterly cold days can get, sunshine always feels sooooooo good!

And it's good for you...something I tell the kids all the time.  I tell them to watch the dogs, who instinctively know what is good for them.  Our house is south facing, and in the winter months, the dogs will find a patch of sunlight in the living room, or in the yard, and just lay there.

Today Gabby is sick with the cold that has seemed to plague our family for weeks now.  (Why is it everyone can't just get sick at once?)  She keeps asking me how to feel better and is faithfully drinking honey lemon water and finding healthy food to eat so she can get over her cold.

After everyone else had gone to church, I was cleaning up a little in the kitchen and walked in the living room to find Gabby stretched out on the couch.  The dogs were stretched out in their own patch of sunshine on the floor.  Thinking she might be bored, I asked what she was doing, and almost before I could get the question out she said, "I'm laying in the sunshine with the dogs."  

I love this girl!

Have you had your Vitamin D today?

Losing My Mind

I hope it's ok to discuss women issues on here.  I'll keep it G-rated, I promise.

I had a hysterectomy at the young age 31.  The subsequent hormonal changes (my boys would disagree that those words are G-rated) were a nightmare, but with the guidance of a great doctor, I was able to get through it all without going on HRT (hormone replacement therapy) and I got on with my new normal, which wasn't really that different than pre-hysterectomy (another word my boys think is not G-rated).

The worst symptoms back then were headaches and memory loss.  I felt like I was in a fog, and would lose keys, lock myself out of the house, forget appointments...  I really, really dislike brain fog.

So a while ago when I started having headaches again, I knew exactly what was happening, and I knew exactly what to do.  I started taking the right supplements, creams, etc. and felt like this would all go away, just like it did when I was 30.  The headaches went away.  The memory loss is still plaguing me.

Last week I left the keys in the ignition of the car that was parked in the driveway, unlocked, all night long.  And Tim was out of town at the time.  Disturbing!  Then this week I locked the keys in the car.  Tim had to come home from work to unlock the car for me. 

I was saying this to a nice older-than-me lady today and she said, "Oh, it just gets worse.  Get Triple A...It will pay for itself."

In the past month I've misplaced my phone more times than I can count.  I forget what I'm saying when I'm saying it.  I've forgotten when I have carpool.  I've confused children about who is picking them up and when because I'm confused myself.  I've also almost forgotten to pick children up from practices (thankfully I have other children to remind me).  Triple A might be able to help with keys, but I'm pretty sure their coverage doesn't include reminding me to pick up my children.

And I'm really not one of those people who wants to just give up and say "Oh well...  This is just menopause."  (Sorry kids...that word really is G-rated.  I'm pretty sure it's in your health book too.)

So this afternoon I've armed myself with new vitamins and supplements with acclaimed brain boosting powers.  I'm hyper-focused on nutrients and in my spare time (ha, ha) you might find me doing brain boosting puzzles and exercises.  Menopause, you will not win the brain battle.

(Meanwhile, I'm losing my mind, so if you find it, please return it to me.)

New Year's "Revolutions"

Gabby keeps telling me all about her "New Year's Revolutions."

So far she has a pretty decent list.  She isn't watching as much TV, and she wants to be a friend to everyone.  She told me she accomplishes the latter by just not talking very much to people she doesn't really like.  So if Gabby hasn't talked to you in a while...

Today we decided on another New Year's Revolution...

Cut down on the screen time! 

Christmas brought a total of 5 new portable, hand held screens to our family.  Did you know a 10 year old or a 12 year old can nearly max out the memory of an 8 GB iPod Touch with downloads in less than a month?

I told myself after Christmas break, we'd get back to our screen time limits (usually an hour or less a day of screen time).  Then Tim went out of town again, and I told myself I'd start when he got home...

Then sadly, yesterday the entire family spent Sunday afternoon in the family room "connecting" via WiFi.  It was a little humorous, but this morning Tim woke up with the idea that he'd buy a safe to lock up iPods during family time...

Which we haven't done, but we are initiating earning internet and screen time again, and limiting screen time.

And tonight when I said to take care of electronic devices, I heard one child tell another child, "She's serious.  Do you want Dad to buy a safe?"