Adoption Awareness Month: Meet Susan

Today it is my pleasure to introduce you to Susan.  

Susan in the blue on the left pictured with her mom and sisters

...Now to explain how I know Susan.  There is no combination of relationship terms that describes how we're "related."  Technically, Susan is my sister's mother-in-law, and grandmother to Joie.  In 2007, Joie's family died in a car accident.  My sister and her husband (Susan's son), and their baby girl were suddenly gone, and as extended family members our lives began to fuse with Susan's life, connected by our mutual love of Joie and family members we lost.  Eventually, Susan and the entire Caldwell and Weaver families adopted us. (Thank you all!)  We've even attended their family reunions, and I was there recently to welcome two of her grandchildren into the world.  Susan calls our children her grandchildren, and they call her "Grandma Susan."  


It wasn't until I had known Susan for a while that I learned she was adopted.  I've always felt that her own understanding of the sometimes complicated feelings that go along with adoption have allowed her to "relate" to Joie in a different way.  So without further explanation, let me introduce you to Susan.

Hi, I'm Susan.  I am an adoptee.  My favorite bedtime story when I was a little girl was "tell me how you got me."  I don't ever remember asking my Mom how she got my sisters.  I think I must have assumed she got them the same way.   I use the word 'birth parents' but when I use the term parents, it means the Dad and Mom who adopted me, who loved me, who raised me, who took care of me since I was 6 days old.  My parents had two girls and due to health problems were told not to have any more kids.  They checked into adoption and were told to be grateful they had two kids.  Any babies available for adoption were going to people who had no kids.  But sometime during the summer of 1956 my grandmother and her niece came to see my Mom.  The niece had a daughter who was pregnant and wanted to place the baby for adoption.  Was Mom interested?  Of course she was.  So when I was six days old I joined this wonderful family.  

When I was in second grade a friend would walk to our house and catch a ride to school.  One day as we were in the back seat she said to me "You know, she's not really your mother."  Her mother had evidently said something about me being adopted.  I replied "Yes, she is."  This conversation continued on the way to school.  My Mom didn't hear this.  When I got home she could tell I was upset.  I told her what this girl had said and I started to cry.  My Mom hugged me and told me she wanted to tell me a big secret.  She told me I couldn't tell anyone this especially that girl or she would feel very bad.  I said ok.  She talked to about our LDS temples.  She told me that when I was one year old, she and my Dad had taken me to the temple and had me sealed to them.  She said that I was going to be with them forever and ever, even after death.  I was so thrilled with this idea and never said anything to my friend because her family's religious beliefs were different those of my family.  I knew she didn't know about forever families and I didn't want to hurt her.

When I was a teenager I helped my Grandmother with some geneology work.  She showed me several family group sheets.  She told me how my birth mother was related to her.  Then she told me that my birth mother had three older children that had been adopted out.  She had names and birthdates for two of them.  I have often wondered where they are and what they look like.   When I was a teenager I found out that after my birth, my birth mother married  a man and had two more daughters that she raised.  I never wondered why she gave me away and kept them.  What I had a hard time with was  knowing I have half sisters that I don't know.  Several years ago I found a cousin that gave me pictures of my birth mother and these girls.  I found out their names.  My birth mother has passed away.  I recently found these two women on facebook and sent them a message explaining who I am.  But so far I have received no response.  I hope someday that I will be able to meet them.  

I think if I had any advice to give to adopted parents it would be to be totally open and honest with your children.  I'm glad my mother was wise enough to always tell me the truth.  I have heard of teenagers finding out they were adopted and being upset about this.  But because this was something I've always known, it never bothered me.  She always answered any questions I had.  

As Susan was sending me information for this post, she told me the story of the day she came home to her forever family.  As an adoptive parent who has lived through the disappointing loss of adoptions taht don't work out, I know what her family must have been feeling, and love how Susan captured the excitement of her sisters when they knew they had a baby sister.  Susan wrote:

When I was 3 days old Mom and Brenda (sister) went to get me from the hospital.  Before they arrived someone had taken me in to my birth mother and let her hold me.  When my mom and Brenda arrived, my birth mother's mom came out and said she had changed her mind. But she also told Mom that she  wasn't taking care of me for my birth mother and she knew Mom would end up with me.  Three days later they got a call that I would be in their family.   Brenda now tells how she saw the car at the house on her way walking home from school. She and Marsha ran all the way home because they knew their new baby sister was there.  

Thanks Susan, for sharing!  We look forward to meeting others this month whose lives are touched by adoption.