I know this because at the end of the 2nd practice they both came jogging across the field like they had all the energy in the world, then came home and built a fire for s'mores, and are just now going to sleep (like I believe that), outside in a tent they also put up today.
Don't you ever wish you had that kind of energy?
My day started off with a fire inspection at my new office (we passed except they wanted us to make sure we re-hang the fire extinguishers after painting).
...Then a few hours of work.
...Then a presentation tonight to a local group of counselors.
I came home from the latter exhausted, but somehow when I went to pick up the girls from soccer and witnessed their display of youthful energy, I got a boost.
When energy gets shared, it's contagious.
When kindness gets shard, it's contagious. (We're over 850 people attending our Random Acts of Kindness Day, just on facebook).
When emotion gets shared, especially difficult emotions, they somehow diminish. How is that?
Yesterday I couldn't shake the funk that was in me. I could even hear it in my voice. It felt like I could choke on emotions that I was trying to ignore. (Distract yourself, Mary...don't focus on grief...keep moving...)
Then finally at some point Tim called and I started telling him (through a few tears) how I felt. I told him it was Monday, and the last time I talked to Ruth was the Monday before the accident. I remember the conversation well. I was trying to be a mom to her--telling her what I thought she should do about a problem she had.
That's how our conversation ended. A million times I've wished I could go back and get a do-over on that one. I would have been more supportive, and less bossy. I would have called her back to tell her so. Instead I let myself get pulled back into my busy life, knowing I'd see her in Idaho that weekend, and knew we'd all relax and have fun together.
Hard facts to face.
It was good to say all that to Tim. Ahhhhh...sharing.
What happened next surprised me... Remember how I said Tim and I got in the habit of just carrying our grief alone? Well, we somehow both remembered our quest to share the good, the bad, and the ugly, and Tim started talking about how he had also been thinking about Ruth and Nick, and some of the conversations he and Nick had. He recalled Nick bringing a tarantella they caught near their home to our house about a month before they died. Nick left it as a present for me. I somehow convinced a neighbor kid to take it on as a pet. (I'm sure his parents thanked me.) Tim also remembered he and Nick trying to hack into our home wireless network together. (Unsuccessful, by the way, just in case you were thinking of doing a drive by.)
And other memories.
Then after a few kleenexes I felt better, and that huge lump of emotion stuck in the back of my throat went away.
Note to self: Don't fight it.
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