Hugging is something he's super, super good at.
Our kids love dad's hugs (the great big huge bear-hug variety).
But since Gabby joined our family, Tim has been very aware that hugging is on her terms. She'll approach him to hug him, but it isn't often that she's comfortable the other way around.
When it comes to bedtime we've been trying to mix it up a little because given the choice, Gabby always chooses for Mom to pray with her and hug her good-night. Then one night I went to pray with her and heard this:
"Dad prayed with me already, but I was waiting for you to hug me."
The next time that happened, Tim came in with me so we could both hug her together. She tolerated it, but wasn't thrilled.
We did it again another night. Same response. Same tension...and when it comes to hugs, tension equals lack of warmth.
So we just keep trying...and being the stealth parents we are, we also keep setting up situations where Gabby gets to do things with dad rather than mom. Errands, homework, chores...
Then last night we spontaneously invented a new game...kind of like tag (which Gabby loves) but with hugs instead of tag...and we called it a hug chain. I hugged Tim and told him to give my hug to Gabby. He did, then she gave him a hug back for me.
She did it twice.
I love it when accidental things work. Gabby thought it was a superfun new game, so I'm predicting more hug chains in our future.
1 comment:
I so admire your description of finding ways to give your daughter the physical affection that she needs while still respecting the boundaries that she's had to set to protect herself. You must be an amazing family!
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